Should we skip a family holiday because my nephew hurts my children?

[KidPlantMum]

Hello, I'd like your thoughts please. My nephew (9) likes to play with my children (similar age) but often ends up hurting them. That has happened a few years now but hes getting bigger and the hurt is dangerous now. The most severe incidents have been attempted drowning in the pool on holiday. My children don't want to be alone with him any more and of course I honour that and want to protect them so I supervise all playtime. But sometimes the nephew is sneaky with his behaviour and I see the hurt just afterwards. He is aware that I watch and sometimes says 'come over here where your mum can't see us.'

His parents do not address the behaviour. They behave as if my account of what happened or my children's account isn't true/important and there are no consequences or sitting down with him to discuss his behaviour. They simply remove him and find something else to do, but that hasn't been effective. Other members of the family say he's always looking forward to seeing my kids, but I won't have them as his guinea pigs for playdates.

We have a family holiday coming up again and my children don't want to go. I want to keep them away and keep them safe so do not want to attend but my husband disagrees because he doesn't want to let down family.

Your advice please. Is there anything I can do to make family time safe? l can't think of what else to do but supervise but that has not been good enough. If we don't go on the holiday, how do I explain that to family?

Thank you

Would he go on holiday with someone who had tried to strangle him and hurt him in the past if he knew that the supervision wasn’t adequate and there would be no consequences for the person? I certainly wouldn’t. It infuriates me when adults expect children to put up with situations they would never put up with themselves just because they’re too lazy or cowardly to address it.

I would lose a lot of respect for your husband. He should absolutely be standing up for his own children against his family.

Would he go on holiday with someone who had tried to strangle him and hurt him in the past if he knew that the supervision wasn’t adequate and there would be no consequences for the person? I certainly wouldn’t. It infuriates me when adults expect children to put up with situations they would never put up with themselves just because they’re too lazy or cowardly to address it.

Would he pretend that everything was ok who someone who had tried to strange you and hurt you?

If he really doesn’t want to tell the truth then say that the kids aren’t going because they don’t get along with nephew. The family are going to pretend otherwise and try and convince him to change his mind

Your nephew should be seeing a child psychologist, not going on holiday. He sounds dangerous, even if he is only 9.

It's obviously calculated behaviour, not just unintentional over-rough play, if he is coaxing your children into areas where the adults can't see them.

I'd be very concerned for your children's safety and wouldn't care if his parents and other family members are offended.

Having an older nephew or anyone shove your head under the water so you think you are drowning could have life long consequences (presuming they survive) but will most likely give them a fear of water - don't risk it