Should my husband call his daughter during our honeymoon abroad?

[Luxe50]

We are on our honeymoon in Corfu. 9 year old step daughter is on holiday in Mauritius with her mum who has asked for a brief call for our step-daughter. My question is whilst this doesn’t really bother me, should step daughter be able to manage without a call for a week (we only left on Saturday). Is this about my husband’s ex partner wanting to interrupt our break. Or am I reading to much into it, I don’t have children so appreciate I may not have the best perspective on holidays and what is usual.

Isn't it obvious? Happiness? Seriously? Adults chasing happiness rather than fulfilment, duty, purpose in life? Hate to disillusion, but happiness is very, very transitory, only dope-heads with fuck-all responsibilities and no jobs are in permanent pursuit of happiness. Show me a family in a total state of happiness - they will be either sick in the head or heavily medicated. Setbacks, death, illnesses, problems with jobs, school, are all part of life. Happiness, my arse. So shallow and vapid.

What are you talking about? You’re basically saying we should all stay in any kind of unhealthy relationship and that doing so is better for kids than separating. You sound unhinged.

If he is a good dad then he should want to talk to his child. My dh sometimes has to work away for a few days and makes sure he calls our children in the evening to check in . He misses them and they want to tell him any news they have or just a quick how are you.

He can't exactly cut contact with his 9 year old for A FULL WEEK! Of course not, I think he should be getting in touch every other day worst ways especially if she's asked him to contact her.

He's her Dad!

Oh dear. Unless this is drip-feed that exW has a habit of using their daughter to be nosy into your life OR a reverse that you're DD's mum and her dad said he can't call because the new wife is put-out...

YABVVVU. And I say that as someone with kids, separated & have dated men with children similar ages. Kids come first.

Oh dear. This doesn't bode well.

If course you're reading too much into it. If course she should be able to speak to her dad, every day if she wants to, honeymoon or no.

Why would a father calling his daughter once during a week long trip disrupt your honeymoon? I appreciate you are not a parent, so perhaps you don't get it, but parents and children are normally in contact almost constantly. You should be encouraging him to call his daughter to see how her holiday is going too, thinking about presents too take her, etc. not questioning whether it's "acceptable". The time to worry about "plots" from the Ex are when they involve him not being able to see/contact his daughter. It's pretty respectful of her to ask to check it's ok rather than assuming. For the sake of the child and your marriage, try not to turn into one of those stepmothers! Child first, partner/husband/wife second is how it works, it's natural and you need to adjust to it. You could try also putting his child first, it will be easier for you to understand if you do and may nip any jealousy in the bud. This is from a mother and stepmother, always children first.

Children should have free access to speak to both parents (where safe) whenever they want. I speak to my children all day every day via text, call, in person. I wouldn't be told I couldn't do this by anyone - let alone a new partner!

Your honeymoon is of no consequence to a 9 year old wanting to speak to her dad and given that her mother is currently on holiday in Mauritius with her child, I very much doubt she's hung up on your break enough to try and disrupt it with one phone call.

Right so you never leave your child with a baby sitter to have an evening out with your OH? You never prioritise work by staying late for a meeting/doing something extra to progress while child would prefer you being with them? Never have coffee with a friend and leave your child with a relative? It’s mad to say that in all circumstances the relationship between parent and child eclipses all else. It doesn’t. You balance all your relationships and obviously that means you sometimes deprioritise a child because in that moment another relationship needs your attentions such as on a honeymoon with your spouse…(I think he should call his DD but I think the notion that very different relationships are contests is dumb)x

How you twist things! Where did I say 'unhealthy'? I lamented the idiotic pursuit of 'happiness'.

id call my 9 year old because a child doesn’t have a phd in the shifting transience of relationship hierarchies and to them the main significance of a wedding where their dad says his vows to another woman not their mum may easily be abandonment. So speaking to them seems a very small price, the 9yo isn’t on the honeymoon after all.

He should speak to her every single day without fail imo. Great step mum your going to be.,

She’s 9 years old and wants a quick phone call from her dad while they’re both on different holidays - she’s not asking to sleep in the middle of you both.

YABU, and it’s a perfectly normal thing to ask.

Oh dear ...

If you don't understand that a child may want to speak to her father, then good luck with this marriage. You don't have to have your own children to understand this. You just need to be a human being with imagination & empathy.

Poor child, really.

YABU. She’s only 9 and wants to speak to her dad. The ex wife might be steering it to try to interrupt your honeymoon, but that’s by the by; he can still call his daughter.

Would you feel like this on any holiday or is it just because it’s your honeymoon that you feel it should be sacred uninterrupted time? Honeymooners without additional responsibilities can expect to enjoy an uninterrupted holiday, but in marrying a man who is a father, you must surely have accepted that his child needs to come first?

And besides, him making a phone call is hardly going to interrupt the holiday very much. Perhaps you could read a book or go for a walk while he makes his call.

'Only a week'

I wouldn't want to go a DAY without talking to my 9yo.

Should she be able to manage? Bloody hell OP, this doesn't bode well.

Maybe, yes, she can "manage" but why should she? Sorry if it dents the romance of your week away but he is a father first and of course she should be able to speak to him. More to the point, he should be actively planning on speaking to her, even without her mum asking for it.

If it helps, my DC is 10, if she goes away without one parent she speaks to the other most days and has done since small. If not a video call then some WhatsApps.

Another fake post?

Smells like it (and I really hope it is).

I haven’t read all the comments, many of which seem unnecessarily vitriolic. For context, this is a complex situation involving three years of difficult behaviour from my husband’s ex-wife, periods of serious ill health and involvement from social services. I have an excellent relationship with my stepdaughter, who lives with us half the time, and I have often cared for her for extended periods when her mother has been unwell.
I posted hoping for some balanced perspective, but I don’t think this discussion is constructive, so I’ll be deleting my account.

Why are you even asking? Of course he should be talking to his daughter! Makes me concerned for her that you haven’t hit your head around dc come first above second wives. I spoke to my dc on my honeymoon as did my dh his, also spoke to my mum and my boss (several times but that’s a different story!!!)

Usual thing - op doesn't like responses, so bows out/deletes account

Priceless

Op will be back in a year or so to tell us about her divorce.

So your on your honeymoon and on mumsnet telling a bunch of strangers about this, yet dont want him to talk to his child.

Lovely to read, it’s not everyday I get to communicate with someone from the Victorian era.

I stopped reading after u asked should his daughter be able to.manage a week without a call from her dad. My thought was, why should she? This does not bode well. It could be that ex is trying to cause trouble, who knows? However surely he would want to talk to.his daughter. Why would you chose not to encourage this?