Was I overreacting about teenagers without transport home after drinking!?!

[Mumsytutu]

Morning,

I wanted to gather some perspective and others thoughts on something that isn’t sitting right with me. It’s actually really upset me but unsure if my moral compass is just a bit ‘stiff’ compared to other parents.

Last night my 14 (nearly 15) year old DS had 12 friends over in the garden for a few drinks (strict rules on no excessive drinking!!) I was struggling with the drinking part in the first place truth be told, then had a good think about what I was doing at 14! Drinking in the garden is definitely a much preferable option. (This isn’t the first garden party. he’s attended others, and has always proved himself responsible).

It was both boys and girls. We know the majority of the boys parents and they’re good kids, most came along with one or 2 ciders. Fine.

Evening was good (very noisy!) but we only have 1 neighbour so I had pre warned them and it was to be finished at 10pm, they were fine about it. The kids were fine. No dramas.

My DS confiscated some vodka from the girls to adhere to the no excessive drinking rules so I was comfortable that he was being responsible. For clarity, he had 2 ciders and the boys were mainly kicking a football around and having a giggle. Girls sat gossiping, all the usual sort of behaviour.

Boys and a couple of girls were collected by parents promptly and all was well.

That left 4 girls. About 10:30pm I went out to see what was going on as the girls had congregated on my drive, turns out they were waiting for * ‘s dad to send an Uber. We live in a village so whilst Ubers are possible, they are not super easy to get. I immediately offered them a lift home.
they refused and assured me an uber was on its way. I wouldn’t get my child an Uber personally, but each to their own.

I told them to come back inside and wait here. They used the loo before all disappearing (thanking me on the way out). I assumed their Uber had arrived.

My DS then gets a call to go to them. He disappears. I give him a few minutes and follow him to see what’s going on.

The girls are sat on the side of the road with one on the phone to her Dad asking for an Uber. (Clearly Uber has not been sorted!!). Another girl is on the phone to her mum and is clearly getting quite upset. I offer again to take them home. The ‘uber girl’ refuses on behalf of them all.

At this point, and as her dad is on loud speaker (Dad is away in a different city), I put my foot down and said I wasn’t happy they were sat on the side of the road with no transport home. I insist they let me drive them home. (Dad pipes up and tells her to “just get the lift home, she was supposed to be home for 10pm”) All the girls follow me back to my house and I take them home.

It then transpires that they were not all staying at ‘uber girls’ house (as I had assumed) and 2 of them were planning to then get a bus to another location. It’s now 11:15pm- I don’t think so!! Thankfully the buses have stopped running … so they’ll walk. We’re near the city, just no!! I insist they let me drive them and they agree. It was about a 7 minute drive!

Whats not sitting right with me (in case it isn’t obvious) is that at least 2 of the girls parents involved here have no idea their girls were just wondering around hoping to get an Uber home, if they knew they were even out! I would be furious if this was my child.
Why had no one arranged a lift with a parent and why did Uber Girls parents think this was all ok? I have no idea if Uber girls Mum was even home (apparently, she doesn’t care, this is she Dad her on the phone when he asked if she’d called her Mum). I know this is really non of my business, but it kind of is as I had to sort it out as I could not in good conscience just ‘leave them to it’.

I have a DD who is 10. This has really shocked me and certainly made me think. I would never let any of my children make their own way home after a party/ drinking etc. I’m really struggling to imagine any parent would if the knew the whole story!?

Am I being over sensitive here? Should I be doing something to talk to the parents (I would want to know, although hopefully wouldn’t ever put my child in this position)- I would rather not contact the parent, but should I be?…
Or is this usual behaviour and i’m just out of touch/ overprotective? I’m completely flabbergasted to be honest.

Would appreciate other parents thoughts, the friends I have spoken to (boy mums!) are also completely shocked.

Thanks for reading.

So just finished year 9, a few of his peers will still 13.

You allowed a party in your home where 14 year olds were drinking but you wouldn’t let your child get an uber.

This is reckless and ridiculous behaviour

It was me that asked, but these children aren’t 15/16. They have just finished year 9 so 13/14. Massive difference.

You just getting desperate now. It’s totally normal. Just put your hysterics away, dear.

Yep, my year 9 is still 13. 14 next week. Some of his peers aren’t 14 until the last week of August. Crazy to think of him going to someone’s house for alcohol in their garden.

this is why I offered the lift when the dad was on the phone. I thought he would want reassurance of who I was, I would have given him my registration plate and offered to have him on the phone whilst I drove them home. and if he said, No, an uber was on the way, I would have waited with the girls to ensure they got in the car ok (I still don’t like this, but respect that parents decision).

It was clear no uber was arranged. Dad was in another City and when asked if she’d called mum, she replied to her dad, said yes, she’s not answering, she doesn’t care. (Gulp).

it’s just really bothered me.

So they've just finished year 9. Whilst your son is almost 15 and probably just missed being in the year above his friends some of those kids could either still be 13 turning 14 before September or they've not long turned 14

Possibly, up to the 30th August. The one 13 year old I know of, Dad was the one that stayed (close friends of ours) - 13 year old drank beer Zero.

Exactly!!!

Focus on your own shit OP not other peoples'

How bizarre

You sound like you're trying to be friends with these kids and the cool mum, wanting people to reach out to you. This is the exact reason parents like you are a nuisance at work, meddling in other families business while not addressing your own children's needs.

Ahh so it was all other people's fault.

I’ll 2nd this! OP- having a load of 14 years over to drink alcohol? Give your head a good wobble. And remove your judgy knickers too.
They’re CHILDREN. Trying to be the ‘cool’ parent is sad.

You have taken this so far out of context. No he is not! He and his friends are good kids. I’m navigating teenage years with trust and respect and the best I know how with the support of a loving husband and a strong family network.

He knows IF he ever breaks trust it’s is very tricky to rebuild and he’s takes that seriously.

you don’t know me, him or our family. Nor does this answer the question asked. Which was really about getting home from events which you may or may not agree with. I am more than happy to hear other parents views on the topic, happy to take them onboard to help shape me into a better parent, but you are making this a personal attack and you have never even met me.

enough of the judgement now please.

Fuck me, do I live in a parallel universe?
It’s one thing if some of you felt the need to drink vodka in a field at 14 (that sounds pretty fucked up to me to start with), but as a parent, you actively encouraged under age drinking for 12 other children in your garden? Wow. Why would you? It’s totally irrelevant if there have been countless other similar parties but that doesn’t make it right!
I don’t think you have any moral high ground here to criticise other parents!

One 13 year old who is a close friend of ours (and parents) - dad stayed here and 13 year old drank beer zero.

My DD is 14 and wouldn’t haven’t needed a lift because she wouldn’t have been there. Unfortunately for my kids I’m not cool with underage drinking because every study since the dawn of time on alcohol
says the same thing - young drinkers are MORE likely to have issues with alcohol and addiction as adults and the younger they start the more at risk they are.
This myth that some parents seem to believe - that somehow introducing children to alcohol young makes them ‘cope’ better in some way is nonsense.
They’re children, going through puberty and the last thing their growing bodies need is booze.

I do wonder if half the people on here have ever been teenagers themselves.
On personal experience I would assume that most of the parents weren't told they were going to a party to drink, but just that they were going to hang round someone's house for a few hours. Someone's house might not even be named as OP's DS but one of the female friends they were with who the parents know well. Then female friend does the same but with their name = unless you are a very ott suspicious parent who double checks every single time even if it's another girl they've been friends with since primary you'd have no reason to doubt this.

The girls will have told their parents that lifts were sorted and not really thought about it much. It’s almost as if a load of 14 year olds aren’t very sensible and don’t always think things through…

Ok. Thanks.

defiantly a lot of food for thought here.

i drank 20/20 in a bush, not a field. I also went clubbing at 15 and my mum would pick up all the girls and drive them home (I was so embarrassed at the time!!) now- what a fab mum she was.

i didn’t hand any drinks out. My god! Nor did I say ‘it was a drinking party’. I knew they would bring drink, so I drew a boundary.

that said, I appriciate your comment.

Fab mum indeed. I see what’s happened OP, you’re copying what your own crappy parent did. I wouldn’t want my kids drinking in a field or at a party or going underage clubbing.
Just not as fun as you Insuppose…

Does your son have any siblings OP?

You are NOT seriously complaining about others parenting? 😂

Only a year or so and your dd can join in the drinking in the garden.

You're soooooooo cool OP. 🙄

TBH I think it’s ridiculous that there’s no law against supplying under 18s booze at home or throwing a party where 14 year olds will be drinking.
But just because something isn’t illegal doesn’t make it morally right.

Ive asked my DD (15, between yrs 10&11). No drinking at parties for her age group... but some will be going to college (16+) parties and drinking there. Many will have had half a cider etc at home with family.

You're actually criticising other people's parenting? You fully supported 12 kids underage drinking in your garden.

Are you bored and this is a wind up?

Comments on what the girls are wearing is NOT snarky in anyway. Please do not read it that way, it was not how I intended that to come across. I was simply saying there isn’t a lot of clothing, which is quite normal from what I’ve seen (and quite frankly, flaunt it whilst you can!!). However, my concern was simply as they dress that way, gives me more reason of a concern as to them getting home safely.
the girls looked stunning. I would never shame a young girl because of what she was wearing- simply trying to paint the picture that they were not in jeans and a t shirt.