Teacher and summer holiday childcare

[treetop122]

How do other teacher parents do it?

I am a teacher and therefore I am lucky enough to get the summer holidays off.
I have 3 children… 11, 6 & 3. All three are at home with me all summer and it has always been this way. DH has a ‘normal’ job and usually takes 1 weeks annual leave during this time (at the end of the holidays).

As the years go by I can’t help but feel hard done by with this arrangement. Yes I love my kids. Yes o enjoy the easier days.. but 3 kids for 6 weeks is hard work. I struggle with the thinking about what to do every day. The constant food and providing meals then clear up then a meal again. The kids are fighting a lot, have different needs due to ages. Holiday clubs are not an option as finances are too tight. We are very active though and I get them out every day. This also adds to the demands of packing up lunches/subcream etc…

My husband has come home saying that he is going away for 48 hour trip next weekend and I am annoyed. Now before anyone suggests I do something similar, all my friends are looking after their kids too/juggling work and childcare/ going on family holiday.

Am I right to feel like he should be home at weekends over the holidays helping out with the kids? His argument is I am not working and he is so he needs time off..
I know I certainly don’t get any time off.

How do other teacher parents do it (one one partner is a teacher and the other is not?)

I'm not a teacher but self employed so stop work for the holidays, having crammed in a load before and after. I do it because I can, and it's in the best interests of our whole family. My partner has been away for a weekend to see friends. I'll go away at some point. It's full on, but he has to be at work and pulls his weight when he's home.

Plan a weekend away yourself? What does your DH do with the rest of his AL? You should have equal/fair time to yourselves. What about evenings and weekends?

Neither of us would be announcing a weekend away by ourselves. Is this how he usually communicates with you?

I wouldn’t be able to do a weekend. All friends currently have young kids.
His annual leave gets spread across the year. So a bit at Christmas/ Easter etc. We have had arguments that some holiday has been used for his hobby too (not much but some).
Evening and weekends are busy with clubs for the kids and we usually have to divide the kids up during this time (one take to club and the other have the other kids).

Yes, this has always been a problem.
He says he wants to go. Tells me how much he needs it and nothing will stop him from going.

That sounds like he’s just assumed you will cover it all. Presumably he was like this when you had your first, so I don’t know I would have gone on to have a 3rd! We’re both teachers so that has made it easier over the years. I did used to get annoyed with DH as we used to have to pay half all through the school hols to the childminder & we could use half our usual hours & DH would refuse to send them so we never got a break unless the other one took them out.

Do you not have any grandparents? Could just the eldest do a holiday club? Does 3yo get any nursery slots over school hols? Could you arrange for the older ones to go to a friends house & then take turns?

If there’s no money for holiday club then how can he afford a weekend away?

I think he sounds really selfish. Does he have any idea how tiring teaching is? Also when does he use up his annual leave if he’s only taking a week in the summer?

I'm a teacher but now out the 'other side' in terms of child care (mine are 19, 17, 15).

I used some relatively cheap sports summer camps e.g. football and cricket, £10-15 per.day. They still exist, as my youngest son is volunteering with one of them next week.

I also had a good group of local friends for a walk at national trust places local to us and general moral support!

My DH works silly hours as a farmer, so whilst I was lucky to have the summer holidays with our children, I was very much by myself. I look back on those days as a real perk of being a teacher and being able to be off work, but it was also very busy and I would recommend making plans with friends.

Oh so that's an issue - my partner and I check with the other if a certain weekend works and only book it then. I can see why you're pissed off. This isn't about the holidays, this is about feeling unappreciated.

I suppose I am more interested in the ideas around one parent doing all childcare over the summer holidays whilst the other one works.
Is work seen as the harder task or am I right to feel like 6 weeks (well 5 weeks) on my own is hard work?

DHs argument is he needs the weekend away as work has been tough. But having kids at home for me is tougher than work I feel (maybe that’s sad and I am doing this wrong somehow?!)

I would love to be able to send to activity clubs (even for just the fun of the activity) but 11 and 6 year old will not go. No nursery slots for 3 year old as they attend a school preschool (with no holiday club provision).

Well you need a break too! So he can either take some leave so you can have a day off-doesn't need to be with friends, either he can do childcare and you relax/go to the gym/take a book to the park and sit OR he can use the money for his weekends away for a couple of days of holiday camps and you both relax and do what you like.

It's tough, but it is a perk of teaching - a few years where it's pretty full on, but ultimately it's nice to have that time off with your kids. Easier once they become teenagers though!

Last year I was freelance and took the summer holidays off so I could be with the kids. This year I have an employed so can’t do this.

i much preferred last year. We had slow mornings, trips to the park, picnics, swimming. Now it’s just me rushing off to central London whilst their dad does what did last year and I’m really envious. Really feel like I’m missing out!

So I’d swap with you. I’m exhausted this year.

although I only have 2 children if that makes a difference?

Teacher parent here - married to a farmer - I call it “single parent summer” as basically apart from taking the kids for a picnic on the field we don’t really see him for the summer holidays! Completely agree it was hard work, I think my solace was spending time with other parents with kids. Luckily my sister is local and has two and a couple of teacher friends had kids so going out/doing stuff together meant I had some adult time whilst the kids were playing. It did get easier the older they got. We also used to write a list at the start of the holiday of things they wanted to do (not expensive stuff) so they enjoyed planning those - anything from a trip to the beach, picnic at the park, visit duck pond, go swimming etc when they were 7and 11 I did a mon- fri at butlins with them and we had a great time - I literally followed them around and it gave us a real break-and I learnt to relax and chill with them. In fact I wish I’d done it earlier and taken them each summer.

I’m a teacher with teenage kids. I wasn’t a teacher when they were small, and I can see that must be hard having 3 young kids all day every day. I don’t so much have ideas for you, as the promise of glorious summer holidays when they are older and doing their own thing. I’m having a very relaxing time. That WILL be you one day - have hope!

Could you do a night at a spa on your own one weekend, if your friends are busy? Or is the issue that your husband will likely sulk about you being away?

What job does he do?

I think this is the real issue, the assumption that I am 6 weeks childcare. He is working and needs a ‘break’.
2 weeks in and he is announcing a weekend away, which means even less support from someone else.

No grandparent help either as only have MIL who is tired as she provides childcare for other grandchildren who’s parent work the holidays. Also most people don’t like to look after 3 children!

I have always had a night away at a concert with a friend and we have had a family summer holiday too. So, I did most of the holidays myself but my DH will compromise when needed.

Normal office based job 9-5

It’s really hard. Mine are now 19 and 17 do pretty much self sufficient but I was thinking only yesterday how hard it was when they were younger. It was not a break and I ended the summer as exhausted as I started it.

we bought an annual pass to a local farm park every year and we would go there once a week where they could play whilst I either sat and read or more often tried to squeeze some work in.

the only thing I can say is that is passes quicker than you think!

You should have equal time away from work. I consider looking after three children alone the same as working, yes, so therefore you need a break just as much as he does.

I’m not a teacher but I have a friend that is and even tho she has holidays off she books some holiday clubs for the kids to keep them occupied and give herself a bit of a break too.
i know it’s an extra expense that you might not think is necessary as you’re off but I suppose it’s something to consider.

How much are your holiday clubs?

If he can afford hobbies and spontaneous weekends away you can afford to put your kids in holiday clubs once or twice a week. They average about £10-£15 a day round here.

Although I see further down you say the 6 and 11 yo don’t want to go. I’d be making that none negotiable if that’s the real reason why you are discounting holiday clubs. Most kids who don’t have a teacher parent have to attend and survive a day or two a week in holiday clubs over the summer.

Not a teacher but took 6 weeks off in lockdown summer when mine were 10 and 7. At that point lots of things were not open so it was hard to find things to do with them sometimes.

Truthfully?

It was awesome!

Compared to the usual constant muddle and guilt and spreadsheets and working in evenings and at weekends to try and make up hours to save holiday to cobble together enough childcare to cover the 6 weeks, it was so so so much easier.

The only bad bit was the sheer horror when I had to go back. That was a bad Monday morning.

Having said that - your husband is a dick. I know you don’t have anyone to go with but that doesn’t mean you can’t go away somewhere. Last October I had to take dd somewhere about 90 minutes away for a training thing for the day and there wasn’t really anywhere for parents to watch / be during the camp. So I went to a Spa for the day on my own It was actually really really really nice. Swam, read my kindle, ate lunch without anyone asking me for anything. Felt so relaxed afterwards. Would love to do it again alone but for a full weekend.

Sit him down and explain what you've said here - yes he needs a break but so do you!
What would he say if you just announced you were going away this weekend?

How do you juggle the weekend clubs when he's away?