Son not included in friends playdate

[Lmi1982]

So it's the summer holidays and my son has not got anyone to play with.. I am feeling abit upset as the family over the road who if I'm honest ive not been that keen on but always tried to remain friendly and chatted to when we cross paths has a daughter the same age as my son.

Yesterday she had a group of friends over from school to play, me and my son saw them arrive there was a mixture of boys and girls going to her house and my son was asking me why he cant he play with them as he kept waving at them arriving and even the parents who were dropping off there children were waving back at my son.

I felt bad and explained that we've not been invited.. later that day the dreaded ice cream van turned up outside their house and all the kids ran out to get one.. my son wanted to get one too so i took him over.. all the kids seemed pleased to see my son as they are all friends at school but then the dad said to me that my sons very welcome to stay for 5 or 10 minutes while he eats his ice cream.. so I was pretty enraged at turned to him and said 'that's okay we wouldn't want to ruin anything" and had to explain to my son that we were not invited in front of him... i felt bad.. one of the other parents we knew from the school was there and she looked at us bit shocked on how I think my son was treated ... my son is never been a trouble maker he's had good reports from school he's a little bit shy and has issues with low confidence... and just felt that experience did him no favours. It sort of felt we were looked down on and my feelings of anger are still high.
Plus we only live in a small village and he attends a very small school so that kind of adds to feeling more left out..
Am I just overacting I mean what are the other parents thinking or what is he even telling them.

You do not like them and they do not like you, that ia pretty clear. There are so many other ways you could have handled this:

1. Divert his attention next door by saying you had something planned anyway and take him out. There are lots of free lovely things you can do like feed the ducks, go for a walk etc
2. When he was invited let him stay for 10 or 15 min. I likely would not have but again I would have said something like "oh that is so kind but qe have plans and need to go now, but if your daughter is free tomorrow maybe she can pop round for an hour to play" (or leave the last part out).
3. Start inviting his friends over.
4. Make friends out of school. Do you not have friends with kids a similar age?

There was absolutely no need yo tell your son he was not invited in front of everyone. He was invited to stay for 5 or 10 mins. Not great with a kid who has little confidence.

I think the mum looked shocked at your response and nothing else. It would not have even been on her radar that he was not included or invited.
I understand you concern re the parents and I would not want my child left there alone either if there are issues. But I would likely embrace the little girl and try and be a calm in the storm. It is nit her fault if she says strange thungs. She may be going through stuff.

When I was growing up there was never much need for my mum to sort out “ play dates” ( never an expression that would have been used) because the local kids all played out in the street. I have an only child and even though there are plenty of kids on my street that doesn’t happen. It has meant a lot of planned activities and issuing invitations to ensure she was included in things. I would have loved her to have been spontaneously in and out of neighbours houses and gardens ( in and out of ours too) but it just never happened. You’re going to need to extend a few invitations because otherwise this isn’t going to happen for your son.

That was very rude of you, OP. I suspect you are the problem, not your son. Your dislike and rudeness would have come across.

I don't want people who obviously don't like me in my house, either.