Son not included in friends playdate

[Lmi1982]

So it's the summer holidays and my son has not got anyone to play with.. I am feeling abit upset as the family over the road who if I'm honest ive not been that keen on but always tried to remain friendly and chatted to when we cross paths has a daughter the same age as my son.

Yesterday she had a group of friends over from school to play, me and my son saw them arrive there was a mixture of boys and girls going to her house and my son was asking me why he cant he play with them as he kept waving at them arriving and even the parents who were dropping off there children were waving back at my son.

I felt bad and explained that we've not been invited.. later that day the dreaded ice cream van turned up outside their house and all the kids ran out to get one.. my son wanted to get one too so i took him over.. all the kids seemed pleased to see my son as they are all friends at school but then the dad said to me that my sons very welcome to stay for 5 or 10 minutes while he eats his ice cream.. so I was pretty enraged at turned to him and said 'that's okay we wouldn't want to ruin anything" and had to explain to my son that we were not invited in front of him... i felt bad.. one of the other parents we knew from the school was there and she looked at us bit shocked on how I think my son was treated ... my son is never been a trouble maker he's had good reports from school he's a little bit shy and has issues with low confidence... and just felt that experience did him no favours. It sort of felt we were looked down on and my feelings of anger are still high.
Plus we only live in a small village and he attends a very small school so that kind of adds to feeling more left out..
Am I just overacting I mean what are the other parents thinking or what is he even telling them.

You say “if I'm honest I've not been that keen on” the family across the road and I suspect that may be your answer.
They know you don’t like them and this is your punishment for that.
Having said which, excluding your son really sucks and I feel sorry for you and for him.

Why don’t you invite their child over to play with yours? They may be reciprocating other play dates.

Yabu. You said you don’t like the family so you’re not close with the parents. The dad offered for your son to come in (so invited) and you acted childishly and deprived your son of the opportunity to socialise. Nobody owes your child play dates. If they didn’t live across the street you’d never have known- as you’re not close.

Op ! Not the way to handle it

You should have asked your kid if he wanted to join them, even if it was only an offer of ten mins it often turns into more
And you've drawn more attention to your boy feeling left out now

you need to do some instigating And inviting tbh

How many of those kids - or any kids - have you had over?

I agree your reaction will not have helped your son.

Time to get on your phone and send messages to various parents of kids your child is friendly with to see who is available to come over during the next few weeks.

Yes it sounds pretty shit. But you have essentially publicly and quite spitefully made this more hurtful for your son just to make a point to an adult. You should have protected your son, not used him to make a point. It's really sad. You could have made excuses easily and you could have let him play about then said it was time to go to the park or shop or anything.

You made it harder for him.

Uh the girl in question isn’t a friend of your son so why would they invite him? And now you’ve been pissy with the dad do doubt he will be in future!
Why don’t you ask some kids over yourself?

The daughter probably invited her closest friends over which is fine. Can you invite your son's closest friends over?

If you're friends with the others, ask.
Very rude, unless there's a reason, like he's done-or someone says he has done-something.

You don't like the other family so maybe they don't like you back. That will be why they didn't invite your son.

I know it's hard as none of us want to see our children left out but maybe you need to make a bit more effort with them.

Uh the girl in question isn’t a friend of your son so why would they invite him? And now you’ve been pissy with the dad do doubt he will be in future!

Yeah, this. You didn't really help your kid with your PA attitude.

Sorry OP, but I think the other parent was more likely to have been shocked at what you said, rather than anything the other family did.

Was the ice-cream van a public one. or one ordered by the other family for their party?

You could have removed your son from the window and distracted him instead of watching everyone go into the house, there was absolutely no need to tell him he wasn’t invited, you could have gone and done something else with him.

Your response at the ice cream van was childish as well as passive aggressive, you felt the need to again tell your child he wasn’t invited for effect in front of the father. Personally I wouldn’t have done that to any of my children, how horrible to continually remind them they weren’t invited to a play date. As for the other mother’s reaction I think she was shocked at your behaviour. If I’d seen you behaving like that I’d give you a wide berth and wouldn’t be inviting your son to any play dates etc. I don’t tolerate this type of behaviour from parents and don’t want to be near people like this. I’m wondering how many other times parents have noticed you behaving like this as it’s very odd your son was only invited for 10 minutes.

I know you didn't want to accept breadcrumbs OP and were being protective/defensive, but I'd have said aw, thanks, that's kind.
Ten minutes <insert son's name>
then gone and got him, or made small talk with the other parent(s) not the dad, while he ate his 🍦
Please tell me it was a generic van.

I did have something similar once OP. I went to a public event advertised in a magazine, only to find some friends from a group DD went to each week were there, using it as a 🎂party.
It was open to everyone and I had no idea this group would be there (I guess similar to if you went to a ball pit as a normal member of the public that wasn't private hire and you saw people you knew having a shindig).
It was beyond awkward. The birthday girl's mum went off with two other mums to the loo then came across (I was with my partner) to apologise for not having asked her.
I said no worries, honestly, we're only here as we saw it advertised blah blah don't worry, carry on, we aren't gatecrashing ( we weren't, it was a public event. Canny of them to use it as a party though).
DD was delighted and oblivious and played with them all. I made small talk to a couple of their mums before returning to the table DP and I were at. Sometimes you have to keep your gob shut OP to protect your little one more.

Hugs to you x

Why on earth would you expect your son to be included in a play-date with the other child's school friends if he isn't actually one of her friends?

People don't have to have your child over to play every time just because he happens to live in the same street as them. Particularly when you don't even bloody like them.

You were bang out of order for the way you spoke to the other parent.

You're not keen on them & maybe they're not keen on you?

Why hasn't your son got anyone to play with?

Are they on holiday?

Have you invited anyone?

Yes, I think, especially if he is 5/6 and little, if I'd seen that happen I'd have got him away from the window pronto then - surprise! - "reminded" him we had to go out for [treat] and took myself out for the afternoon.
Saves the nose pressed against the glass and any angst. If little, you can get away with Look over there! distraction much better. And yes, all kids have to cope with rejection, but I'd have just took them out the equation.
Wouldn't have got an 🍦either.
If older than 5/6 would have asked them what activity they'd like to do instead and remind them they weren't close to <insert neighbour's DD's name>

You were very rude and have made the situation for your son much worse.

Sorry, you think that because someone lives in your road that they're not allowed to have a playdate/party without inviting your son?

You are being ridiculous, and were so rude to the Dad.

If you want your son to have playdates, then invite one of his friends over.

Oh boy..i can't wait to see OP's next post 🍿

Totally bizarre behaviour and you're definitely not being invited next time. For your son's sake for goodness sake go and apologise to the dad.

I get that it’s hard to see your child excluded but you handled that poorly. If anything it’s just going to mean less chance of invites in the future.

I think we can see why DS wasn’t invited. And it’s nothing to do with his behaviour and everything about yours OP.

Oof, I had a physical reaction to the whole thing. They’re obliged to invite your son over. You don’t like them, they either don’t like you either or they feel your disapproval. The dad was perfectly reasonable in his offer and you had a mini tantrum and humiliated your son.

When people post on here saying their children have no play dates 99% of the time they haven’t arranged any. Put yourself out there, contact other parents, offer to host, host well and make a bit of a bloody effort.

I think it’s just life, we dint get invited to everything, have you had the DC over to your house a lot this summer?
Could you arrange a play date with some classmates?
Just because they are your neighbours it doesn’t mean the little girl wanted to invite your DS. Are they good friends at school? Even if they are she was probably only allowed to invite X amount.

The example you give of your response was beyond pathetic and childish. Perhaps people aren’t including your poor son because they want to avoid having to deal with you.