Son not included in friends playdate

[Lmi1982]

So it's the summer holidays and my son has not got anyone to play with.. I am feeling abit upset as the family over the road who if I'm honest ive not been that keen on but always tried to remain friendly and chatted to when we cross paths has a daughter the same age as my son.

Yesterday she had a group of friends over from school to play, me and my son saw them arrive there was a mixture of boys and girls going to her house and my son was asking me why he cant he play with them as he kept waving at them arriving and even the parents who were dropping off there children were waving back at my son.

I felt bad and explained that we've not been invited.. later that day the dreaded ice cream van turned up outside their house and all the kids ran out to get one.. my son wanted to get one too so i took him over.. all the kids seemed pleased to see my son as they are all friends at school but then the dad said to me that my sons very welcome to stay for 5 or 10 minutes while he eats his ice cream.. so I was pretty enraged at turned to him and said 'that's okay we wouldn't want to ruin anything" and had to explain to my son that we were not invited in front of him... i felt bad.. one of the other parents we knew from the school was there and she looked at us bit shocked on how I think my son was treated ... my son is never been a trouble maker he's had good reports from school he's a little bit shy and has issues with low confidence... and just felt that experience did him no favours. It sort of felt we were looked down on and my feelings of anger are still high.
Plus we only live in a small village and he attends a very small school so that kind of adds to feeling more left out..
Am I just overacting I mean what are the other parents thinking or what is he even telling them.

It's a horrible feeling when your child is left out. But in the circumstances you describe I'd have asked him if he wanted to stay and then just said thanks.
Your response, I suspect, will make it highly unlikely that he will now get any invites from anyone who witnessed it because it was a bit OTT

Oh man.
Not the best way to handle it, as I am sure you are realizing now.
Just because he wasn't invited, isn't a reflection on him,. It was likely a decision based on what activities they planned on, who was already friends/had been over before/who has what friendship groups already.
It doesn't sound like you have them over to your house to play, so it is odd you'd be feeling cast aside here.
Being rude to the father, infront of all kids, who will repeat it back to their parents, isn't the best way to maintain civility or friendships in a small village.
I'd give it a day or two and see how you feel, and how your son feels.

the family over the road who if I'm honest ive not been that keen on but always tried to remain friendly and chatted to when we cross paths

Maybe your not-keenness had come across more than you realised.

The parent may have been shocked at your behaviour, not anyone else’s!’

How many play dates have you held at your house over the holidays?!’

YABU.

You don’t like the family, and you were rude to the Dad.

Hows that going to get your child included?

Do you invite their child round for play dates?

The other person was probably looking shocked at how you spoke to the Dad tbh.

You handled it bady. You could have thanked the Dad and said that you would call back for him in ten minutes and do. Snapping at the Dad and trying to make him feel bad was not a good idea.

I am curious about a couple of things. 1. Why are you not keen on this family? 2. Have you hosted a playdate and invited their daughter?

You over reacted.

if you want play dates for your child you need to host loads and then you might get some invites back.

Maybe the other parent was shocked with what you’d said, rather than you thinking she was shocked about your son.

I was all ready to say bless him, that’s hard, (and I’m sure he feel sad) but an attitude like this won’t help matters.

Your attitude isn’t going to help your son. Have you invited their child(ren) over?

You behaved badly. I feel for your DC, it's unlikely this did him any favours. Do you ever hold playdates?

Wince. Might have been better to have said, thank you, he'd love to. DS might have got to stay longer and put himself into the dad's good books for a future playdate.

Hosting a lot of playdates yourself is the way forward.

So you are gutted your DS isn’t invited to play with other kids.

And at the chance to let him be around them and for the parents to get to know him and see what he’s like spend the others - you’re rude to the hosts?

Yep, playmates aren’t increasing anytime soon. Your poor ds - but it’s your fault.

You didn’t explain to your DS he wasn’t invited in front of people did you?

That’s an awful way to use your DS as ammo.

Ahh your poor boy and i understand you are upset for him but you really shouldn't have kicked off. I imagine the parent was shocked at your reaction and behaving like that isnt likely to get him included in future.

Id honestly go and apologise to the dad.

Move on - organise a play date at you house, invite all the children, including the girl across the road.

Oof. He received an invitation to stay for a while and you threw it back at them?

Well there won't be a longer one now.

You’ve said you’re not keen on the family. It’s likely they might not be keen on you too, and that’s fine.

Who are your son’s actual friends and have you invited them round? What about some of the kids who seemed happy to see him at their play date? Why not arrange something with them?

Tbf I’d be a bit insulted too if your child was only allowed five or ten minutes and you had to go and collect him if the others were staying on!

I wouldn’t listen to the other people and try to ingratiate yourself with these people. They sound pretty rude to me. If the class had a WhatsApp, see if you can arrange a playdate with another child. If you keep going down the list hopefully someone will be free!

Some people are just cliquey. Let them get on with it!

So many people a

*are so self absorbed they probably haven’t even noticed you before!

It doesn't sound from the OP like her son and their daughter are actually friends though, just that they are the same age so the OP thinks he should automatically have been included in the daughter's playdate with her friends? Proximity and age doesn't mean an automatic invite, presumably the daughter invited the friends she wanted over.

I agree the shocked parent was probably shocked at the OP, and that that was a missed opportunity for them to start developing the friendship she wants. Or she could arrange a playdate herself?

So you take things super personally and lash out spitefully, making a spectacle of yourself, and then wonder why you aren’t invited to things and your kid has no social confidence.

How many playdates have you hosted this summer? How many kids have you invited to yours? If I want my child to have playdates I arrange them. Anything else is a bonus really.

It's really horrible seeing your child left out, but your attitude made things worse to be honest and has further isolated your child.

Is he friends with the girl whose playdate it was? If not, why would she invite him? If my DD has some pals round, we don’t randomly invite the boy from her class who lives round the corner.

Unfortunately I think you’ve probably just made stuff worse for him.