Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

So you think she is too young to go to pride but old enough to know she is bisexual? Got it.

‘If she still thinks she’s bisexual’ ??? Yikes.

You hope someone isn't a parent because when they say no they mean no?

A wedding is nothing more than a contractual event.

So all those speeches are about a ‘contractual event’

weddings are about celebrating love - like pride

So a quick google of Brighton Pride brings me to this BBC article.

Colour and laughter at Brighton Pride in pictures

The photos are mostly of people having fun. But a couple of them, in my opinion, would not be something I'd bring my children to at age 11. And I'd be fairly certain that the BBC have curated those photos they did pick.

My dd is non binary and has been going to pride events since she was 11. Its important to her. It might be a phase it might not. But supporting her gender identity has been the catalyst for having a great and open relationship with her. We trust each other so much and she feels she can come yo me with anything.

I'd think long and hard about putting your ideals above hers. Parenting is about compromise. Ive always been open with my kids about my GC views, but ive always listened to and accepted there's.

In your opinion. Imo, they're a contractual event. People soon realise that when they get divorced.

Every town/city does it at a different time. The last place I lived had it in September.

Your DD is 12 so is starting to become aware of sexuality, but who knows what she'll settle on as she gets older. I would support her declaration of bisexuality and let her know you're supportive of her, but I don't get why anyone would take a child to an event where you'd have the stress of keeping vigilant to steer a child away from dildos and 'BDSM daddies'. I wish there were stricter rules about no sexual content until after 9pm or something!

Weddings absolutely do celebrate sexuality, in the sense that they're a public celebration of a romantic and (usually) sexual relationship between two people, that's not an opinion, it's what a wedding actually is at its core. You can choose to view it as "just" a contractual event if you want, but that's not an accurate or complete description of what a wedding is or what it means to the people having one, or to most people watching one.

Weddings are about celebrating love AND a contractual event, between two adults. Pride is about love and acceptance and diversity, but it also often contains sex toys, kink gear, and simulated sex acts. An 11 year old can attend a wedding (hetero or homosexual), but cannot get married themselves. Likewise, it would not be appropriate to take an 11 year old who declared themselves to be heterosexual to a strip club, or burlesque show, or allow them to have "soft porn" posters for their bedroom. An 11 year old is too young for sex, love or relationships of any description. And they certainly don't need to be going to Pride. That's not the only way to support their identity.

No that's a marriage.
A wedding is a big fancy pants party.

2-3 years ago she said she was a dog and wanted us to walk her on a lead…

I think you have way bigger problems than a pride parade.

FWIW I would let my child go.
I’ve never been to one that is overly sexualised, especially early on.

I love Notting Hill carnival but I don’t keep my kids there after hours just in case it gets more rowdy.

It sounds like your child is desperate for attention and pushing the boundaries and I’m wondering if this is partly because you’re too strict.

I never said they where just copying friends i thought it and was correct my exact words where "your future sex life is none of my business and you can be in a relationship with whoever you want". Why did i get lucky that my kids are straight i couldn't care less what they are aslong as they're their own feelings and not just copying a trend to fit in which is what pre teens and young teens do

It depends on the Pride. Some are more “adult” than others. But go with her- you’ll learn a lot.

11 years old is too young to toddle off to events full of strangers, on their own (with similar aged friends).

There is quite an evangelical outlook on this, it seem to me. Something starts out so enthusiastically that it is not looked at with any cold eye. The Catholic Church in Ireland could do absolutely no wrong for so long. You were a bad (or as said here ‘ignorant’ person if you pointed out that organisations/movements (irrespective of who they are) should have checks (and safeguarding). Then once the spell broke, slowly and then quickly, chickens came home to roost about how bad things happen when people suspend safeguarding.

Like any orgs/events, there will be an element of dodgy people there too. And possibly a level of sexualisation that is not beneficial or suitable for such a child. Your daughter doesn’t need to attend this so young for here sexuality to develop as it pertains to her.

Will she be lesser for not seeing some lad’s arse cheeks hanging out, or his lad swinging in some sort of easy hammock? I’m not sure it is nice for girls to have to see placards calling for violence against women either, as have been carried in some Pride events. All that may do is tell her that she would be a ‘bad’ women (according to men’s entitlements) if she has pride in the rights of her own sex, rather than serving in the interests of men. If she was a bit older, she may be able to separate out such misogyny for what it is, and she can stand tall in her sex, and sexuality.

At 11 I would say she is too young to be going off out to an event where people will be drinking etc. Can you go with her, that way you will be able to influence what she is exposed to?

my dd told me she was bi when she 13.
Her friend had just come out as bi and dd insisted that said friend was to be referred to as they/them.

She made no such demands about herself. I think dd was greatly influenced by this friend because her actions didn’t go along with her being bi.

Her friend has been off the scene for a few years now and dd 24 is in a relationship with her third bf.

Her friend has moved away with her boyfriend and there’s no talk about being bi from either.

in fact I asked my dd about it months back and she said oh that was never me really I didn’t want Daisy, not her real name,to feel like she was alone and Daisy isn’t
now either.

At such a young age they tend to go with the flow as to whatever is on trend to a certain degree. Trying to fit in.

im not saying you’re dd isn’t bi she may well be but if its true what you say about her presenting as a furry/dog a few years ago, then it may be she’s very easily led.

I think you’re right about not letting her go to pride She’s far too young. There’s plenty of time for that later on when she’s a bit more mature.
Although given what other people are saying about it being taken over by deviant types, I’d avoid it like the plague…forever!

I think you’ve done the wrong thing here. The better thing would be to support her, go with her, and steer her away from things you think are age inappropriate. By giving an outright no you are showing yourselves to be inflexible and she may suspect you are bigoted and start hiding things from you.

An 11 year old, no.
I don’t think at 11, children have much sense of what sexuality means. A surprisingly high number of DD’s friends started saying they were bisexual at around 13, it was a definite trend. None of them are actually bisexual (young adults now). At 11 a child could have feelings of admiration or thinking someone is really attractive, that get confused with sexual attraction, because everything is so sexualised now and there is this focus on having an “identity” .
Whether your dd is straight or not, remains to be worked out over time when she is older. I really hate this over sexualisation of kids, I think it is really creepy that children are encouraged to have a sexuality and see things through that lens, rather than just being kids. I also think it’s really unhealthy to have to label yourself anything at such a young age. I would not take a child to Pride.

Why not agree that they can go, as long as you go with them?

This early sexualisation of children and how so many mothers on here seem only happy to encourage it... I'm just glad that I was still kicking the ball around the park with girls and boys my age and had no clue what a lesbian, dildo or transsexual was!

It only changed when at 11 a predator started grooming me. One of the things he saw as a useful tool in his grooming arsenal was porn magazines. I'd have to read the "articles" out loud for him (poor eyesight don't ya know) and then talk about what it makes me feel. That is how I got introduced to transsexuals - from a porn magazine feature. I also vividly remember a "short story" about two lesbians in a gym shower,a tennis racket and baby oil.

That lesbian story featured highly in my sexual fantasies for at least a few years afterwards. These days I would have come out as a lesbian based on inappropriate sexual material being introduced too early (which is a crime in itself). It was damaging what was done to me and I can't see how any child could benefit from being surrounded by all this sex and sexuality material.

Seriously?? What's the big deal? My two DS are now late 20s. Not gay. I used to take them to Brighton Pride when they were growing up.

i agree with this - it’s hard, but you can say that when she is older she will be allowed to go and you support that.

Sadly it is not just a gay pride carnival anymore as there are very ‘adult’ elements that I would not want my [pre] adolescent being exposed to. Instead could you suggest she invites her ‘they’ friend over for a sleepover/Netflix binge-watch of a very LGBTQI+ friendly series/midnight feast?