Tips for long flight from UK - New Zealand with a 21 month old and 3 month old?!

[PinkOrchard]

Hi all!

We're about to book flights to New Zealand to go and visit my brother for the first time since he moved in 2024.. Wanting to go before my eldest is 2 (end of this year) because of the cost of flights etc - any practical tips for travelling this distance with a 21 month old and a 3 month old?! (Tbh, I'm not worried about the 3 month old - it's the toddler I worry about haha!).

We're stopping off on the way for a couple of days to break the journey up / try to fight the jet lag etc, but any practical advice for the actual flights? Or anyone able to share their experiences so I can mentally prepare at least 🤣

I've seen the usual pack more snacks than you think, don't be precious about screen time (don't have an iPad but happy to let her watch films/TV etc), bring busy boards etc..

Getting the toddler their own seat isn't really an option either as it costs an extra £1,400 which we just haven't got spare (and it's one of those situations where if we don't go now, there'll be 101 reasons to put it off and I worry we'll never go and I'd like to visit him at least once!).

Thanks in advance!

Having a kid on your lap for a distance like that sounds terrifying. Sorry.

No way would I have a child on my lap for that lenghth of time, if that is the only option I would not go

Having flown to NZ from the UK before I wouldn’t even remotely consider doing that journey with an almost 2yo on my lap the entire time, honestly it will be horrendous. It’s not even like you can take turns because presumably whoever doesn’t have the 2yo will have the baby? I just wouldn’t unless you can pay for the extra seat.

Not a chance on earth I would attempt that flight without an extra seat for the toddler.

You've said that you are transiting but haven't said how long the actual flight times will be and how many legs.

Are you going via Singapore, Dubai, US?

Really need that to give practical advice.

A friends of ours did New Zealand - Ireland with an 18 month old on their laps and she said it was horrific. The novelty wore off for both of them within a couple of hours, no one got proper rest or sleep at all and there was just no space for a restless, squirming toddler to move except on your lap.

I am from NZ but live in the UK and have done the journey many times - it is very long even if you have a stopover. I’m sorry but you should postpone going and save or borrow the money to buy your toddler a seat. Trying to manage this with a baby too is just not feasible, sorry.

Fly with Air New Zealand and book the Skycoach seats.

Ignore the doom mongers, it will be rubbish but you know it will be rubbish and then it will be over and you'll have a lovely time. The staff will be helpful as will other passengers. I wouldnt bother with a stopover, it will be a faff with luggage etc and just delay the inevitable. Perhaps have a long transit like 12 hours and go to an airport hotel for a night e.g. changi, no need to go through passport control or get your cases.

My advice is eat and go to the bathroom when you can, eat dinner in the airport as if you have a toddler asleep peacefully on you, you dont want to disturb them unnecessarily. You should be able to get the bassinet for the 3 month old but keep in mind you need to get them out every time the seat belt light goes on so if they are a light sleeper I wouldnt bother using it. Make sure you pre order the kids meal - they dont automatically allocate it. Take a water bottle each for the adults as you dont want to be drinking from a cup and have a sudden movement from child drenching both of you. Take a change of tshirt for the adults and at least 2 clothes changes for the kids. I actually think this is a sweet spot in ages as crawling babies are the worst on long flights as you can't let them crawl on the filthy floor.

Take calpol/nurofen and keep it in easy reach, kids can get on the plane seeming fine and have a cold by the second flight!

But where are you stopping? How long is each of the flights?

I travelled long haul with a 3 year old and a 6 month old solo.

Obviously the 3 year old had a seat, but I vowed never to do that again. Remember if you have a child on your lap, you cannot put your tray down, and I could not eat or drink anything the whole flight.

Thankfully one of the cabin crew took my youngest for me while I went to the toilet.

If you are going to do this, I strongly advise you book a seat for your toddler. Or save up more and go at a later stage.

Oof. I've done NYC to UK with a toddler on my lap - I couldn't go any further than that. Even 7 hours is a killer. How many journeys will you make and how long are they each?

When mine was small it used to be that they would try and find empty seats and seat you there, as tbh, no one will want to sit next to you with a big toddler on your lap (sorry!). Is the flight likely to be full? If so, I wouldn't do it

It depends entirely on your toddler. I did it with both of mine. One was fine (placid child, happy to sit on my lap) and play with various toys. The other was fine until Singapore (slept the whole way) but despite playing in the children's play area in Singapore airport just wanted to walk around on the 2nd flight. It took me a week to recover!
If you are breaking up the flight, I would try and choose evening flights in the hope that they sleep.

As lap babies no way.

Meal times, you both have a child on your lap so you cannot put your lap tray down at all, so how do you safely eat your food?

There will be someone sat next to you, making sure they aren’t disturbed will be incredibly difficult.

When the seat belt light is on they must be on your lap and belted (including if they have their own seat unless you have a car seat), so any bassinet may have very little use if you’re able to book a bulkhead seat.

If you can’t afford an additional seat can you afford premium economy as at least that will be two seats, so less worry about irritating the person beside you.

Any toys must be physically contained to your seat, and not be noisy, that in itself is a huge challenge.

Spend a year saving £1,400 and then go.

Assuming you are taking a route that enables two legs of 10-13 hours (via Singapore), it is doable but you will need to spend time on your feet. I have done 12 hour flights to East Asia a few times with a toddler on lap. Think of it less as "on lap" and more like sharing a seat. You'll have to spend a lot of time with the toddler happily in the seat and you on your feet walking the plane. It will not be 12 hours of watching films and sleep. It will be an endurance test. You will be able to eat but you will have to coordinate tray up and down time with your partner with military precision.

You will be exhausted during your layover so choose somewhere near the airport and forego sightseeing. Agree a plan with your spouse and take enforced sleep shifts during that period. 24-48 hour layover should be mandatory.

You will need similar downtime on arrival in NZ.

It will not be easy. But if that is all the finances can allow, with prep and execution, it will be doable.

I agree with everyone above toddler absolutely needs their own seat or it will be hell. We got all of our children their own seat when we went to Florida (we were armed with grandparents too).

I agree you need to save up for the extra seat.

A 20 month on your lap for that long will be a nightmare, made far worse by then also having the baby to juggle too.

It depends on your children, and your parenting style tbh
If they are quite cuddly and happy to sit on you, that's a good start... Although they might turn feral after hour eight on the plane even if they are normally lovely 😂

Its eminently doable. People do it. You just need to be critically aware of people around you, Nd put in truly superhuman effort for all of that time. Hard work. Could you use any means necessary to get toddler a seat, sell stuff, credit card, borrow? Because it would make a huge difference (somewhere to nap, ability to put your trays down to eat, keep toys contained etc,,)

My brother has done it a few times. He lives in NZ and they had twins.

i don’t think it was fun.

agree that knowing which route helps - US can be tricky.

get a bassinet if you can.

Thanks everyone! As already said, extra seat not possible. Toddler is also clingy so I cant imagine she'd even sit in it anyway! 🤣

Sorry! Forgot to add that we're stopping over - plan to stop in Singapore for a couple days and then heading to NZ so that'll break up the journey (and give our laps a break!). Will be using my brother's airport lounges as well so will make use of those where possible too.

If we delay to save up for the extra seat, then we'd then be looking at travelling with a nearly 3 year old and a 1 year old - that to me sounds worse than travelling with an almost 2 year old and a 3 month old! It's also a rare opportunity where we don't have to worry about annual leave as much - husband has his travel approved which is incredibly difficult to get nearly a month off in one go in his line of work (never happened in the 11 years we've been together!) and I'm on maternity leave so don't need to worry about AL either.

Agree it'll be hellish but it's why I've asked for others experiences partly to just mentally prepare but also if there's any practical things that I've not thought of - but thanks very much everyone! 🙂

There are more than 2 years between my two so we never had both on laps but when we had DS in a seat and DD in a bassinet she stayed in it for almost all the flight.
When DS was 13 months we flew long haul with him (but no DD). Also 2 months with DS just me (that was possibly the hardest, I had too much stuff).
Get bulkhead seats, I don't remember having to take either one or the other out of the bassinet at all but maybe they were just calm flights.
I think they save the bulkhead for families actually.
A cloth/mat/sling that lays out flat is good for the little one in the airport so you can lay them down and sit next to them.
Reins for the toddler. In the airport (don't recommend on the plane!) you can send them to "put stuff in the bin" so sit near but not too near and use it as a chance to clear out your handbag of receipts - this tip courtesy of a nanny I know!
I would like the others just do 12 hours in an airport hotel, if you do Changi the toddler can swim and tire themselves out.
Someone sat next to us on our return flight with 13 month old DS was persuaded to move and leave an extra seat by the flight attendant with a bribe of wine. If you can fly at a less busy time you might get lucky.
Both my DCs have been I'M SO TIRED I'M NOT TIRED I'M JUST GOING TO SCREAM oh look I'm asleep and I will forever be grateful for the flight attendant narrating the screaming when I was alone with 2 year old DS "oh he must be tired" and lo and behold he was and then the FA brought my meal. Bliss.
Also yes bring lots of spare clothes for everyone.
If you are relying on your toddler watching the airline film, bring an adapter and some kid sized headphones.

Getting a month is good, makes it worth it.

It's not going to be fun but if you grit your teeth it's not much more than 24h flying in total. You can survive anything for a day!

Definitely bassinet seats so you can at least put the baby down occasionally (probably less than you think, but better than nothing).

Don't plan to do anything on the Singapore stopover like sightseeing. I've done a similar route a lot. The extra faff of getting taxis out of the airport and so on are just dragging out the 14h flight even longer. IMO have a 12-24h stopover in the airport hotel (booked as a single booking). You will just want to immediately crash into a bed. The airside transit hotels in Singapore can provide cots.

You can then have your first couple days in NZ to do timezone adjustment etc, and again just accept that the kids' naps will be all over the place, but you'll have family to help get through it.

Plan to listen to audiobooks or watch movies - I usually read ebooks etc on planes but I find it much too challenging with a child on my lap (once you find the perfect position where they finally sleep, it 100% will not be the ideal position for scrolling!)

Oh I would add, loads of tips are for things to entertain the toddler, but don't forget about things to make your life easier. I'd really recommend for example a reusable coffee cup with a fully closable lid - you can tuck it next to you rather than having one of the disposable coffee cups balancing precariously on the same tray table the toddler is scribbling on! Similarly put snacks into resealable bags, I've had so many disasters trying to open a packet of sweets and having them spill everywhere!

Bluetooth headphones (you can get adapters for the plane things) so you aren't tangled in cords etc.

It's going to be rough, but you know that, and you're committed now. Yes, full change of clothes for everyone, extras for baby and toddler. Water bottles you can manage one handed for everyone except the baby. All the snacks. I would include quite a few snacks for the adults because actually eating your meals may be difficult to impossible depending on what the children are doing at the time. Swap children between parents when you can – 'a change is as good as a rest', well, it isn't, but it's better than nothing. I carry on one small sized suitcase for extra clothes, snacks, and toys, plus a rucksack each.

Watch something/read books about going on a plane with the toddler, or just pull up some images online and talk through what will happen. Airports are quite variable on how they handle security with small children – some are brilliant, and some frankly have no clue (cheers to the security attendant who wanted my 4 year old to be last through, rather than going in between me and her older sister – leaving her standing on her own in an unfamiliar, busy place was a great idea).

Exercise the toddler in the airport. Check if there are play areas in the airport (Changi has multiple, but Changi is also huge), but even if there aren't, let them walk, or if you find a quiet area, run about a bit. A good view of airplanes landing and taking off is also good, lots to see and talk about.

Take books where you can talk about what's in the pictures or ask toddler to find the X as well as just read the story – you get a lot more time out of each book that way. Sticker books and magic colouring (either water or the pen sort) can be good, a few little animals and/or vehicles if they'll do that sort of pretend play. A set of stacking cups can be a good compact toy, building, stand-in tea set, use in the bath or at the beach when you get there. A pack of those little post-it notes you used for marking pages in books – tiny to pack, but toddler can stick them all over (seat, window, tray, you...), and they come off easily. Can make chains of them for bracelets/necklaces/crowns if they like. A travel set of magnetic tiles if they like building – one in a metal box, so the box becomes the building surface.

I would hate to be the third person on your row of seats.

There is going to be a hot zone of noise and movement disruption of several rows of seats around any young family travelling. It is what it is. The airline sells young families seats, so you should raise your complaint to them. Or you can buy an eye mask and earplugs.

In fairness though, the disruption is going to be significant for someone who’s got the misfortune to be sat next to two adults and 2 children in one row of 3 seats. It’s definitely on the airline, but personally I feel like that spare seat should be advertised at a vastly reduced rate if it’s being taken up by an unrelated passenger because it’s going to be miserable for them.