How do parents balance work, six children and keeping on top?

[boymum06xo]

Hello,

I am all brand new around here, a friend of mine recommended I posted and wrote down my thoughts/feelings hoping it will relieve some of the pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

I am a mum of six beautiful, amazing and clever boys aged 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 & 2 years old, I have a wonderful partner who is incredibly helpful, loving, supportive and a wonderful father, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.
I work 4 days a week and my partner works 6 days a week, he works long hours so is only really at home in the evenings and his 1 day off a week.

How do people, keep a clean/tidy house, work, raise children, maintain some sort of a social life, keep on top of endless washing, and look slightly less homeless than the day before, I cant remember the last time I had my nails or anything like that done, plus cooking, food shopping, kids after school clubs, i see people so well put together, nice hair etc and they seem to be so effortless, I feel like I'm drowning.

I absolutely love my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed that I have what I do, but it just feels like something has to give- sounds silly but things in the house that I don't get chance to clean, like skirting boards, walls, under the sofa, it really gets to me.

Does anyone have any tips? schedules? advice? wine to give!!!???
And if I could have a clean house, food shop done, cleaned car, clean self all in one day that would be amazing!!

Thanks for reading.
xx

I didn't say YOU were a bad mum. I said it's impossible to be a good mum of 6 while working ft. For anyone. That's why most people don't have 6 children or if they do they have a parent sah and have family to help and pay for cleaner so that they can focus on their children. I have 2 boys and no way would I jeopardise their well-being by having more children just because I don't have a daughter. They each have their room and we are very close as I have plenty of time for them.

@namechangedforthis67 I think that's the crux of the matter - you both earn well so you can afford to have 6 kids and pay for the "extras" such as private nursery, a private tutor, dog walkers. I assume you must also have a large house in order to house six children comfortably?
For the average family this simply isn't financially possible, even more so now. Hence why most choose not to have 6 children.

@Cheeseandolivespleasewell yes we can afford them but we do make choices and prioritise and deprioritise things. We have an ancient decrepit car for example.

and yes we have 5 bedrooms but my children prefer to share so at the moment we have 2 spare bedrooms 🙄 despite them all being lovingly decorated to their own specifications. So big house is not an essential and probably a waste of money.

I think giving the OP a hard time about having children and working is bloody archaic. My children know I work and sometimes I miss sports day or I’m late to pick them up or whatever. And they know if I don’t work there is less money and we talk about what that means. OP is being a good role model for those kids.

I’m American and six children is average there!

That simply isn't true. It might be among the circles you move in.

@FloraPoste42 Mine got all of that by going to boarding school at 11. No intensive parenting from me. Neither did they have to be a substitute mum to siblings to be responsible, confident or mature.

Unless it’s a blended families, 6 children nowadays is extremely unusual. The biggest youngish family I know is four- vast majority are 1 or 2, sometimes 3.

That’s exactly how I feel, lol.
also many people can’t simply reduce hours, let alone with 6 kids to support! Unrealistic

@MeetMeOnTheCorner But you are wealthy. You could "outsource" by choosing boarding school.

@namechangedforthis67 When you say she is being a good role model, in what way do you mean?
And do you think most people with 6 kids can genuinely choose not to work as they please? I would suggest not unless they are very wealthy. Or reliant upon government support.

No-one here knows if you're a good or bad Mum. I'm sure you are a perfectly fine Mum. Don't worry OP, I've been told that because someone else found it hard to be one of many children, under conditions my children have never experienced, that my children must feel the same. They're grown so I know they don't feel that way.

Interesting what you say about not having had much family so you think that drove having a larger family yourself. I also never had family around. My parents are immigrants so they are all the family I knew. I have one sibling who lives far away. I do wonder if I was trying to fill a gap sometimes. No regrets though.

@boymum06xo I think you have had some negative responses because many women would hate the ide of the drudgery, busyness and chaos that comes with parenting 6 children. Also, when do you get any "me time"?

Also, I suspect they think that as you chose to have six children then you will have been aware that something would have to give unless you outsource some of the donkeywork.

I like a peaceful and ordered life so I think you are bonkers having so many children 😁
But each to their own.

I don’t have any experience of adoption but I think it’s lovely that you and your husband have found each other, it must make it easier having someone who has that shared experience, and I can understand why someone who was adopted would want a large family of their own. My dad is one of six and they were all devoted to their mother and have always got along well with each other, and it’s nice for us to have so many cousins.

Monkey see monkey do @Cheeseandolivesplease

there are plenty of kids in bigger families that only know a life on UC and carry on that cycle all paid for by someone else. You’ve got no chance at all at earning well in life if you don’t even start earning at all.

I do feel sorry for the Op.

But I don’t think she is getting a hard time for working, that’s almost unheard of on MNs!! I think people are wondering how a couple where one works 4 days & the other 6 can realistically raise 6 kids. The Op feels like she’s drowning, of course she does. She’d be a machine if she didn’t!

Of course it’s not all bad, my kids would love more siblings.

But there’s a tipping point in any situation.

But the OP chose to have 6 children @the7Vabo
She knew it would be a massive juggling act. This is why most people decide to have fewer children.

It depends on what the OPs mentality was regarding the number of children. I think that some (probably most) of us see the maximum number of children as something that you choose and seek control over. Other people can see children as something that can "just happen". It's tricky for people with these different perspectives to understand the others decisions or opinions when it comes to family size.

I know but I do feel bad for her that she’s gotten the MN reaction to a large family - naked horror!

@namechangedforthis67 So you've always worked ft to support your 6 children?

I have 4 and no I am part time around 25 hours and have done more and less than that over the last 15 years. fully time is 45hours in my industry

@namechangedforthis67 But that's my point - you must earn incredibly well to be able to only work 25 hours and still provide, without any government support, for 6 kids.
Most people couldn't afford this.

Nah I think you’re overestimating how much children cost.

@namechangedforthis67 I'm not. I have 3. Ranging from 6-18.
Just as a start...
Clothes, holidays, driving lessons, day trips, uni, suitable housing.
My husband and I both work and absolutely no chance we could have afforded all of this for six children.
How old are yours atm? They only get more expensive!
We simply could not have afforded another child (my husband is snipped after his one bio daughter!)
Edited to add - and you have 4, not 6 like the OP.

Your children won't care about clean skirting boards. I have certainly never cleaned a skirting board in my entire life!
Given that the 6 children are here, they will obviously be your priority, so do the bare minimum of everything else and, if possible, get a cleaner!

She has 6 boys she’ll only be buying minimal clothes!!
days out and meals out are unaffordable and are totally non essential. We all hate theme parks anyway so no loss! We do different things.

driving lessons I’ll grant you are expensive and uni too. Also not essential for everyone. But the kids can get jobs and student loans….they can live at home or do an apprenticeship.

you seem to have a very fixed view of what a child ‘needs’

@namechangedforthis67
How old are your kids currently?
You never take them on days out?!! What about holidays?
And surely if you are willing to help support one going to uni, you are equally as willing to fund the other three? What if all four of them want to move away for uni?