How do parents balance work, six children and keeping on top?

[boymum06xo]

Hello,

I am all brand new around here, a friend of mine recommended I posted and wrote down my thoughts/feelings hoping it will relieve some of the pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

I am a mum of six beautiful, amazing and clever boys aged 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 & 2 years old, I have a wonderful partner who is incredibly helpful, loving, supportive and a wonderful father, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.
I work 4 days a week and my partner works 6 days a week, he works long hours so is only really at home in the evenings and his 1 day off a week.

How do people, keep a clean/tidy house, work, raise children, maintain some sort of a social life, keep on top of endless washing, and look slightly less homeless than the day before, I cant remember the last time I had my nails or anything like that done, plus cooking, food shopping, kids after school clubs, i see people so well put together, nice hair etc and they seem to be so effortless, I feel like I'm drowning.

I absolutely love my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed that I have what I do, but it just feels like something has to give- sounds silly but things in the house that I don't get chance to clean, like skirting boards, walls, under the sofa, it really gets to me.

Does anyone have any tips? schedules? advice? wine to give!!!???
And if I could have a clean house, food shop done, cleaned car, clean self all in one day that would be amazing!!

Thanks for reading.
xx

@Cheeseandolivesplease you get one life. You can’t live it in “what if” land. This sounds like you struggle with anxiety

OP I think your mistake was in assuming this was a support site!

what specific parts of running your home more smoothly do you want help with? I’d imagine it’s a case of making small incremental changes to gradually develop habits within the household (not just you) rather than try to make huge changes in one day - maybe the summer holidays could be a perfect opportunity for a re-set, and to add some new ways of doing things before/after school without anyone really questioning it too much.

looking at your hours sounds sensible, as well as costing that up, and considering whether you actually want to take on more housework. Hope you find some solutions that help, and sorry that you’ve been met with such sanctimony

I agree, it's not inevitable. My eldest daughter changed baby nappies sometimes because she loved playing with them. I didn't make her or tell her to. I allowed her to though, because it's a useful learning experience.

Sometimes you do help out in a family though. Once time I was offered a job and it was really important I go sign the contract. I asked my older ones to look after the younger ones, so I could do that. Ultimately they benefit from me getting that job, so I thought it was a fair ask. They didn't mind.

Not necessarily. There's always the chance of something happening in life. We had a lot of life insurance and income protection insurance to cover the needs of a larger family. Not anxiety but being practical and sensible.

Yes my all means insure for a worst case scenario. We do the same. But suggesting you don’t have kids or extra kids because someone might die is quite dark!

@namechangedforthis67
You've genuinely never heard of a marriage breaking up?!!!

totally, I think it’s part of being a family that you help each other out sometimes. Totally normal. Looking at some of the replies on this thread it is no surprise to me that there are so many incompetent young adults, they’ve not been prepared for any responsibility at all, parents seem to expect to fund their kid’s lives completely and indefinitely or it’s “not fair on them” - bonkers

What?

Could you successfully parent 4/5/6 children as a single parent?

could you successful parent 1/2/3 children as a single parent because you seem to think you can’t even in a couple?

I have one child, a standard 5 day working week, and its still a bit of a juggle. The top and bottom floors take turns in being clean and tidy, and laundry mountain is rarely conquered.

I think you should just do the best you can, enjoy your lovely family and accept that in this phase of life you arent going to be living in a show home with a dozen hobbies and a Kate Middletonesque blowdry.

@namechangedforthis67 I was a single parent for many years and I successfully parented two chiildren. Any more would have been a struggle - not least financially but also from a time pov as obviously I still needed to work.
Do I think, unless very wealthy, a couple can give six children everything they need? My personal opinion is no. Why do most people choose to stick with 1 or 2 children do you think?

It’s sounds ridiculous and I did not believe it at first. But I used this app called Elira after my friends recommended and it’s just great. Have a look hope it helps. Keep doing great job 💙

@namechangedforthis67
And my opinion is you don't live in the real world! You are incredibly wealthy and have no idea that not everybody else is. And of course you never would - clutches pearls - ever find yourself a single parent!! Or would you turn a blind eye maybe?

I know I could. In fact, my husband regularly traveled for work. That's not the same as full time single parenting, obviously, but I didn't find it hard to manage them all on my own at all.

@TeaAndMadeiraCake Nothing like being a single parent. Not least financially.

In honesty, I think for most people, having only one or two kids is a lifestyle choice. They simply don't want to take the time it takes to properly invest in larger numbers of kids. They'd rather spend that time on personal interests and relaxing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with making that choice for those reasons. Some people take that same time and spend it on more kids.

In my experience it's not the number of kids that determines if the needs of the kids are met but the competency and commitment of the parents.

Yes. For me, the only real difference was often just financially. But that difference is a huge and significant difference. However, for the day to day managing of the children and their needs, husband's income doesn't help with that.

@TeaAndMadeiraCake Oh do come on! Of course it does! Guessing you still had your cleaner and went on skiing holidays?! Lived in a nice house?

Did not have a cleaner. Didn't go on skiing holidays. I've never being skiing. Very average, middle of the road kind of house, but they did all have their own bedrooms. That was important to me.

@TeaAndMadeiraCake
And how many single parents do you know with 5 bed houses?

It's a six bedroom house. To be honest, all the single parents I've known haven't had enough kids to need a five bedroom house. All the single parents I've encountered over the years normally have 1-2 kids. Known one with three. She had a four bedroom. I do currently know one with five but two have left home and all the rest have always had their own rooms. I've never really thought about it, none of my business, but they've all managed their lives just fine.

@TeaAndMadeiraCake It will probably come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most people (single or married) can't afford a 6 bed house.
You wouldn't speak to me in real life though - my house is rented!