AIBU about my kids' diet (vegetarian)

[Veggiedinnertime]

Both of my children (DD7 and DS5) are vegetarian. They made the choice themselves and have been veggie for several months now.

DH and I are supportive of their choice, but we're really struggling to find veggie alternatives for them. They love eggs and cheese, and we found a soya burger they'll eat, but otherwise it's thin pickings. DS is better than DD with eating fruit and vegetables, but neither of them will eat those veggies that make hearty meat alternatives like mushrooms or peppers. DD dislikes almost all fruit and vegetables, even strawberries, melon and other stuff that kids often love. Spices etc are an absolute no-no.

Neither of them are underweight; on the contrary, we're a bit desperate about DD and, replacing meat with carbs and dairy so that she'll eat something/anything, she's actually putting weight on rapidly and she's looking quite unwell (less sparkly eyed etc).

If anyone could give advice I'd really appreciate it. We're going to see a family nutritionist in the school holidays but I'd like to do something ASAP and find a way to support their choice while keeping them both healthy. Thanks very much.

I will be honest OP. When my DS was a similar age he asked to go veggie. He didn’t eat many fruits or veg at the time. Also big issue was a protein source for him as he doesn’t eat eggs or lentils etc. he was told if he wanted to become vegetarian then he would have to be able to eat a balanced diet. He changed his mind when I went through his options for alternative protein sources.

He thought he could live off pasta and pancakes but he would have been malnourished had I just let him become vegetarian.

I think that if they're getting enough protein from eggs, cheese, beans, nuts etc then you don't really need the meat substitutes, although of course occasionally is fine. I'd blend vegetables into sauces wherever possible to sneak them in. You could also try homemade juices/smoothies/real fruit ice lollies etc.

Meal ideas:

Omelette/frittata
Halloumi fajitas
Mixed bean casserole/mild chilli
Hidden veg pasta
Peanut butter noodles
Veg lasagne
Jacket potato w coleslaw/salsa etc
Mild paneer curry
Soup

You could also try doing vegetables in different ways that they haven't tried before - so e.g. crunchy tempura veg, baked aubergine, popping peas out of the shells themselves, making veggie nuggets etc etc.

The issue isn't them being vegetarian though, more that they are fussy eaters.
They might get a bit of extra protein if they had meat but they aren't missing out on a wide variety of things by not eating it. They can easily get enough protein from eggs, peanut butter, yoghurt etc.

This. They are limiting their food intake to carbs, dairy, fat, salt and sugar.

They’re not old enough or ready to make this choice.
If your child doesn’t eat vegetables then they can really be a vegetarian.
This appears to be making your child overweight and ill. What would she be eating if she wasn’t being vegetarian? What has she given up?
It is up to you to make sure her diet is as nutritious as possible. Her body is building and growing Itself.
I’m going to get flamed for this by the vegetarian/vegan people but this can end up being just another way to be picky and fussy about food and can lead to more disordered eating.
Children can be brought up on a vegetarian diet extremely healthily and if it’s done right it can be amazing. But those children need to be able to eat -fruit and veg, beans and pulses and healthy carbs.
They can’t live off white pasta and cheese.

I’d be careful op, and I say this as a vegetarian. I initially went vegetarian as a child and it was absolutely a way to control what I ate to an extreme. I wouldn’t eat fruit or veg, it was just a way to restrict my diet. A child who decides to become a vegetarian must also be able to understand that they have to be open to eating things for a balanced diet, not just pasta and bread.
If you are wanting to help them in their choice, think about what you cooked for them before and what you cook for yourself and DH now. Most meals can be made veggie with some changes.
And if your children won’t eat a lot of the fruit and veg, a nutritionist isn’t going to be able to help very much.

I’d say ok to veggie only if they eat veg.
The no veg and no spice makes things very tricky as easy meals like veggie chilli with beans, curry etc are out.
Can you get a veggie kids recipe book and work through in school hols.
Choosing to be veggie but only eating beige carbs isn’t ok.

Being vegetarian is a red herring though and a bit of a red cloth for some people to foam at.
If they don't eat much fruit and veg now they weren't before when they ate meat so their diet likely hasn't changed much.
Adding meat to what they currently eat doesn't actually make their diet any healthier so it isn't the solution to the problem.
No you can't lively a healthy lifestyle eating only pasta and cheese, but pasta cheese and sausage or nuggets isn't any better!

This, and if they don’t like meat then OP saying that they can’t be vegetarian isn’t going to make them eat it. If they eat eggs, dairy and nuts then protein will not be an issue even if they don’t eat pulses.

OP are you giving them wholegrain carbs? Brown rice, wholemeal pasta/bread etc?

It sounds a bit as if you are "thinking meat" when catering for vegetarians - mushrooms might have a meaty texture but not a great deal of protein content.

You may need to approach meal planning a little differently to use more pulses, whole grains etc as the core protein of the meal rather than meat or fish. It takes a bit of getting used to if your normal diet is meat/fish based. It will be easier if you eat some veggie meals as well.

I have some stock recommendations for new or part time vegetarians:

Book for part time and migrating vegetarians
This has meals which can be split part way through cooking into veggie/non veggie

Vegetarian recipe and meal planning site including shopping lists
US based but lots of ideas which are useful when your normally plan around the meat base.

Searchable site based on ingredients or other criteria

If you buy books, look for books written by actual vegetarians rather than celeb chefs "doing" vegetarian. They will be much more practical and usually better nutritionally. Rose Elliott still has some of the best for seasonal, practical vegetarian cooking, Anna Jones is good of the new generation.

All round writers who do well in this space would include writers such as Sally Butcher, Nigel Slater, Diana Henry, Madhur Jaffrey, Claudia Roden et al. who make use of regional produce and cuisines

Oh also check the nutritionist is a properly qualified and experienced clinical dietician.

Any muppet can call themselves a nutritionist but clinical dietician is a protected title requiring appropriate qualifications and experience.

C8H10N4O2 made the two points I was going to - first, you need to approach meals differently for vegetarians, building them around vegetables/pulses/legumes instead of trying to replicate a meat, veg, carb approach. Second with making sure the nutritionist actually knows what they're talking about, as many are quacks.

Can you give us a list of all vegetables, pulses, and legumes your kids will eat, so we can suggest meals?

I turned veggie as a kid- would they eat hidden veg in homemade veggie burgers, pasta sauces, soups etc?

Very similar experience to @Crunchingleaf in my family! The hope was essentially to live off cheese and expensive summer fruits

Which vegetables will your DD eat?

We are a mostly vegetarian household.

This recipe goes down well with our children:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/aug/26/vegetable-recipes-fearnley-whittingstall

Staples here are omelettes with veg either included or on the side, jacket potatoes, fajitas, sandwiches usually are peanut butter.

They are really too young to make an informed decision about being vegetarian. I’d not want my kids eating any of those meat substitutes they are ultra processed and full of salt. They need to be eating a diet based on veg, fruit, whole grains etc.

My DD (17) has been a vegetarian for 5 years. She’s not a fan of lots of veg but I’ve made it work when cooking by having a separate small pan for her and she gets mostly the same as the rest of us except I substitute the meat with chickpeas in her dish and omit any veg she doesn’t like. Focus on the veg they will eat and/or offer it as a side or starter (e.g. carrot or cucumber sticks), but do it without fuss and as a perfectly normal accompaniment.

Btw - you can easily make really nice veggie burgers by mashing up, seasoning, and shaping a tin of black beans, and then frying in a little olive oil on both sides. Try them with different pulses as they’re good for different things. I’m not a vegetarian but I was one for 4 years so I kind of get it.

Thanks so much everyone, some really sound advice and good ideas here 😁

They both love lentils, creamed spinach, rice (white because I hate brown rice 😕), wholemeal bread and pasta, nuts, anything dairy, tomatoes, olives, avocado. DD will occasionally eat a sliced apple or banana, sweetcorn, cucumber.

Really frustratingly, DD would eat anything until she was about 3, and I used to make plenty of veggie/vegan food (curries, chili, falafel etc) which she loved, but now she'll have one bite and then refuse it.

Yep. You'd have the same issues if there weren't vegetarian. They still need to eat more fruit and veg, whether they have meat with it or not.

This is a recipe they might like:

https://cookieandkate.com/lentil-baked-ziti-recipe/

My children are both vegetarian/pescatarian by choice (technically pescatarian but DD doesn't like most fish and therefore eats very little of it). Luckily, they both love fruit and eat most vegetables. Getting them to eat enough protein can be a challenge sometimes, though they both eat lots of cheese and yoghurt.

Some of our 'go-to' staples are baked beans, stir fries with crispy fried tofu and cashew nuts, lentil ragu served with pasta or made into a cottage pie, vegetable fajitas (made with either lentils or quorn pieces and with additional protein from avocado, cheese and soured cream), quorn sausages, omelettes, quiches made with lots of eggs. I also try to give them snacks containing protein e.g. nuts, baked chickpeas, hummus or cream cheese with vegetables to dip, homemade scotch pancakes.

I think you need to work hard on getting them to try some new fruits and vegetables, e.g. by cutting up a selection of fruit and arranging as a fruit platter, or cutting vegetables into crudités and serving with a dip that you already know they like. This is more likely to work if you offer it to them before dinner, when they are hungry.

Also, try giving them lentils, which surprisingly, most children do like if you can persuade them to try. One of DDs friends has ASD and is very anxious/particular around food, but one of the few things she eats enthusiastically is lentil ragu with pasta (which we therefore make every time she visits).

They both love lentils, creamed spinach, rice (white because I hate brown rice 😕), wholemeal bread and pasta, nuts, anything dairy, tomatoes, olives, avocado. DD will occasionally eat a sliced apple or banana, sweetcorn, cucumber.

Definitely work on getting more veg on the "acceptable" list, but this isn't a bad start at all. Lentils are highly versatile, high in protein, and cheap. Spinach is high in protein with lots of vitamins. Avocadoes are high in good fats.

How bad is your dislike of brown rice? Will the kids refuse to eat it if you have white rice instead, or can you cook brown for them?

I would suggest:

• Shepherd's pie with lentils instead of mince
• Lentil hotpot (e.g. https://www.recipesmadeeasy.co.uk/easy-lentil-and-potato-hotpot/)
• Avocado pasta (https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/avocado_pasta_with_peas_31700)
• Palak paneer / sag paneer. Traditional recipes are very midly spiced, but if your kids refuse even that you can just do creamed spinach with paneer and tomatoes added
• Pasta in simple sauces (pesto, tomato) with a salad on the side
• Pizza with olives and whatever other toppings they'll accept

If they will eat a tomato based pasta sauce and/or tomato soup then you just blend whatever you want into there.

Do they eat baked beans? If they like lentils and aren't put off by the texture of pulses try tofu (you can make your own from chickpeas quite easily) . It's basically the protein extracted out from beans ( or chickpeas) made into a block. You just seal it in a pan and use it as you would chopped chicken or paneer.

A bowl of Greek salad with tomatoes, olives, feta, served with pita bread to dip in the juices is a pretty well balanced meal,

If feta goes down well I suggest a frittata with spinach and feta ( and some finely chopped and fried off onions for sweetness). Cherry tomatoes on the side.

It's easy to focus on what they don't eat: gradually expand the bandwidth of what they do eat and they'll be fine.

As omnivores we tend to meal plan around the meat component and then default to the carb component, then make sure that we add in our '5 a day'.

If your DC are vegetarian then meal plan around the vegetable component, then default to carb and then make sure that they get enough protein.

Something else to try to up the number of veg they like is to try cooking them different ways:
Raw pepper, fried pepper and roasted pepper have different texture and density if flavour. Likewise root vegetables; carrots grated raw, boiled compared to roasted , for example. They may like the denser sweetness of roasted to the relative wateriness of boiled.

Please try to stop them, they have no idea the long term effects of this. Me and my siblings were raised vegetarian (and all loved fruit and veg, all the 'right' things) but we've all suffered with poor mental health, all short etc. Only one of us is still vegetarian and they have some serious digestional and mental issues. The ones who eat meat now are doing much, much better.

5 and 7 is too young to understand.