Pregnant at 34 with a 50-year-old husband, any experiences?

[Sinsin2026]

Hi i have just found out in pregnant i am 34 dh is 50!! We have 3 children all girls 11,2 and 1 years, it has come as a bit of shock and we have talked about it but for my dh he’s concerned with his age being 50 which is understandable he will support me whatever choice i make but termination for me isnt an option, i just want to know if anyone has been in this situation or children that have had older parents what was your experiences? Dh is an amazing father and yes its going to be super hard with 3 under 3 lol, am i over thinking all this or shall i look at this as a blessing! And yes i will w getting sterlised after this 😂

My dad was 49 when I was born. He died when he was 92. He was in good health and fit and only slowed down in his 80s.

Imagine having to potentially help finance 3 children through uni when you are in your late 60s/early 70s

I agree with the sentiment but am tickled at the idea that men in their 60s are better at helping with homework than men in their 40s. Doesn't reflect how my brain is aging ha ha. Maybe it's different for dads!

An ex of mine became a dad for the first time at 44 and the second time at 48. It was his second marriage. No kids from the first one

I didn't see any negativity being thrown in his direction online

how did you come up with that name?

My Dad was 46 when I was born, the youngest of 4. My parents had the same age gap as you and your DH.
I never really thought of him as particularly old, as he was active and healthy - he lived to be 102. He was not a very hands on dad, but that was more a product of his own upbringing than his age.

I also know two families (mum plus one child) in similar situations - dad was in his 60s when the child was born and died (in one case suddenly, in the other after a fairly short illness) unexpectedly when the child was primary aged. In both cases the child went a bit "off the rails" for most of their teens and into their 20s, though in totally different ways.

I do think a father who is 62 when they conceive a baby is as different from 50 as 50 is to, well, to be literal 38 though.

The risks of dying before the child is an adult are a decade. (plus ) different and a baby born to a 50 year old father has an elevated risk of losing their father at young student age more than primary school, if we're talking about dad being 70+...

I do also know young adult children of two other fathers who were 50+ (at the time of their births) and now still alive and well in their 70s - how well the children of each family are doing seems in my limited anecdotal experience linked to whether their father had multiple families/ batches of children whom he regarded as disposable/ irrelevant to his life - it looks as though this unsurprisingly messes with teenagers' sense of identity and security and leaves them quite insecure and anxious with lots of issues, where the children of the father who didn't have another batch of children seem fine.

That's assuming they all want to go to uni - and any loan they would get would be income dependant anyway. Four children. They are going to have four when this one comes along

Possibly. But 3? That's a lot at any age.

Imagine having a 15, 13 & 10 year old at 60. Imagine that 10 year old at the school gate, with her 60 year old dad. The other 60 year olds in the playground will be grandparents. Or in the case of my DC's playground, a 60 something great grandparent.

Fair enough if you're George Clooney or Elton John and can pay for a bank of staff, although still not great thinking of the age at which they'll be without a dad.

People are confused because it's not clear what your problem is.

The thread title implies this is a first baby but you have a 2 yo and a 1 yo. What do you think will be different about this new one?

Whereas, last week, my DC asked why I was as old (40) as a grandma when all his friends parents are young.

Tell this to thousands of couples having unprotected sex and not conceiving. Call it fate if you wish, but don't let us overestimate our role in what happens.

The only reason why people who have unprotected sex but fail to conceive is purely down to biology.

You just made him laugh. Woody (c).

I had my child at 35 with a husband who was 55 at that time. I can speak from my own experience and that only. He was a useless parent: lazy and uninvolved and the best thing that could happen, and which did happen, was that he died when our child was barely 2, leaving me in charge of everything, including all the assets. I married again five years later, to a wonderful man five years my junior, who adopted our son and has been a brilliant, involved, hands-on dad.

look, you’ve made your bed. Your husband is likely to be more tired and less able to support you in the hard yards of teenage parenting. He is more likely to have health problems. Not certainly, but more likely. But you are all where you are. So you need to start now making bulleti proof plans on the financial and social front to ensure you are all ok. And you need to be able to set very clear boundaries around your caring priorities. You don’t want to be doing lots of care for him when your children are going to need support through teens.

I’m in my 60s, have two young adult kids (early 20s), I was 61 when my youngest was 17. There wasn’t a single thing I couldn’t do or be as a parent to a teenager at that age, that I could have done at 40. It’s your mindset that counts.Some people are born old and some people keep a younger outlook.

He is already a dad to young children at 50. A year older is neither here nor there. Lots of men in their 50s have young kids. Are you sure he isn’t more worried about having 3 under 3 rather than having a baby at 50? I suggest you get some contraception sorted after this one.

Many congratulations - your baby will be a blessing.

It’s absolutely true.

My uncle is 78 and still working because he and his second wife thought it would be a good idea to have a child when he was 65. They are now divorced and he is on the hook for private school fees and all sorts so working more than full time when he should’ve retired years ago.

A school friend had to sell her flourishing business about 8 years ago when her 85 year old father had a catastrophic stroke. He’s now 93 and needing round the clock care. She’s 46.

In the OP’s case there’s little difference for child 4 than children 2 and 3 though so not sure why it’s suddenly an issue?

If you've already got a 2 and a 1 year old, it's not going to make much difference.
Having 3 under 3 will be a challenge though - good luck!

The average age at first birth for a woman in the UK is 29.8, so second children are on average born to women over 30, realistically at least 31 or 32 on average.

If most children in your children's school have 40 year old grandmothers that's specific to the area you live in. As your child is at school and you are 40 you are probably very average indeed on a national level.

Huh, what?

I thought that. And the comment was unprompted. DC did at least say that although I was old I looked young!

But I do appreciate that some of the parents in the playground are younger. There are also a couple older than me, but I guess they've been firmly put into the 'grandparent' category as far as my DC is concerned.

I know we're having children later now. But that doesn't necessarily make it a good thing. 50 is too old.

My dad was 47 when I was born.

As much as I love him, I also resent him for choosing to have children so late in life (it was a genuine surprise for them though), because I’m going to get 30-35 years with him if I’m lucky, rather than the 60 or more that some people do.

What nasty comments!