Pregnant at 34 with a 50-year-old husband, any experiences?

[Sinsin2026]

Hi i have just found out in pregnant i am 34 dh is 50!! We have 3 children all girls 11,2 and 1 years, it has come as a bit of shock and we have talked about it but for my dh he’s concerned with his age being 50 which is understandable he will support me whatever choice i make but termination for me isnt an option, i just want to know if anyone has been in this situation or children that have had older parents what was your experiences? Dh is an amazing father and yes its going to be super hard with 3 under 3 lol, am i over thinking all this or shall i look at this as a blessing! And yes i will w getting sterlised after this 😂

Yes, maybe the planning wasn't great. But to say that his peers will be on cruises and he will be working, is quite harsh and unnecessary, almost saying that he is going to regret his children.

Is the shock because 50 in your head sounds much older than 48? It's really little difference.

I disagree
Most older parents are more relaxed and mellow
If he is a dad who is actuvely involved and a good dad then a deciosion for both of you.
If friends are off on a cruise & retiring is that a problem for you?
Not everyone is self centred or cantankerous as they age.
Spending time with children when i retire will be a huge asset to my life.
Some are miserably selfish.

Why would a child need some other man to play dad, when they will likely have an involved, loving dad of their own? Who outsources parental role models, if they have perfectly good parents? Are you suggesting that OP look around for a cousin or uncle and say, well can you be a temporary dad to my kids when they are older? That's one of the stupidest things I've heard.

I don’t think most posters intend to be harsh, @Sinsin2026 - but I am genuinely puzzled as to what advice you could possibly need. You already have experience of bringing up an older child, you already have experience of more than one baby/toddler at a time. Presumably you already know everything you need to regarding your domestic situation and finances.

What is it you want to know? What is so different about this pregnancy?

I just don’t know why you think it’s such a big difference to him being a dad at 49, it’s just one extra number.
albeit a bigger number than I’d ever consider having a child at in the first place for reasons already given countless times above.
but I’m 41 and my dc are 22, 20 and 14 so mine are mostly grown up adults, just the 14yo to go and the thought of dealing with teen daughters in my 60’s is not something I’d anticipate ever wanting so I’d have been on contraception to avoid it.
the fact that he hasn’t means he wanted more children so just don’t know why you’re panicking about it.
best of luck.

I don’t think there is a lot of difference between being a dad of a baby at 50 compared to being a dad of a baby at 48 and 49. So that bit will be fine as presumably he coped well with the other 2.

The “3 under 3” sounds tough but from those I know who have been there (and I know 2 couples who had 3 under 2!”) you just have to get through it and by school age it is often easier than bigger gaps as they can play together.

Having a 17 year old, a 16 year old and a 15 year old at 65 will be tough. What are your finances like? It will be easier if he is retired then I think.

My dad died a few years ago at 72, leaving behind my 22 year old younger sibling (parents were 50 and 44 when sibling was born). My sibling has really struggled with losing him so early, and also not having any friends / peers who’ve been through it - he has found it very lonely. It’s been a hard road and not something I would choose for my kids.

With that said, at least your three younger ones will be close in age and be able to support each other when the inevitable happens. Wish you all the best.

Hello, to counter all the negativity, my husband was 50 when we had our first son and nearly 52 when we had the second. I am 11 years younger so also an older mum. The key is to keep physically fit, active and interested in what the children do. Ours are now almost 18 and 16 and he’s been a really good, hands on Dad. When they were tiny he would roll around on the floor with them (maybe he got up more slowly than a 30 year old but who cares?!), we have stood on numerous football touchlines over the years, done Go-Ape, water slides, Zip World (actually I didn’t do that one, someone had to stay with the dog and that’s my excuse), cycle rides and piggy backs. The downside is he’s still working full time at 68 but is retiring next year - we wanted to ensure we were more financially secure and could help with uni costs. I will add that my husband has very good genes as well as both of his parents are still alive and in their 90s. There is so much negativity about older parents but it’s what you make it and I think you have am added responsibility to keep yourself fit and healthy for them. Obviously the unexpected can happen at any age but you can play your part. Congratulations on your pregnancy but I recommend a vasectomy afterwards! My husband had one 6 months after the youngest was born.

Same @Sinsin2026 what actually is your question or concern and maybe people can help?

I was 45 when I had ds. His dad was 56.

All fine, no problems, ds is taking his a'levels this summer. He's forecast AAA so having an older mum & dad hasn't been an issue so far.

I tended to do most of the active parenting - sports, and outdoor activities - but that was because ex doesn't like the outdoors, not because of his age. They have a good relationship.

Do you have family help, OP? Three under three will be pretty tiring.

I think your OP focused on the wrong thing.
It isn't your ages it is the 3 under 3.
GCSE years will be fun!!

50 is fine. Having kids will keep you both young.

My dad was in his early 50s when we were born. I couldn’t have wished for a better or more involved father.

As always, what kind is parent you are is very heavily dependent on the kind of person you are.

It’s a blessing, that’s the only way you can look at it. Sounds like you’re both loving parents and you will manage and thrive! It’s key for you to both take care of your physical health and really tap into all the support you have. Congratulations!

Welcome to Mumsnet

Sorry the replies seem harsh but we're all a bit flummoxed how it can be a surprise to find yourself pregnant AGAIN.

One year won't make much difference for having another baby. So long as he's fit and healthy, it's fine. Yes he'll be mistaken for the granddad at the school gates but this can't be helped.

This was my parents exact ages when I was born. I’m another one who doesn’t get the drama when you already have pre-schoolers. He’s not that much older than he was a year ago.
My advice - it’s fine if someone mistakes dad for grandad. It’s better if dad says something like “oh, I’m their dad - I’m older than most dads so lots of people make that mistake.” Rather than being cross or embarrassed.
Don’t try to be the cool dad. Be yourself. You can be cool coincidently. My dad didn’t do this but I’ve observed it in others.
Stay fit and active. If at all possible parents should aim to stay alive until their dc are adults. It can’t always be done but it should be attempted. There were 3 of us in my year who lost a parent in secondary school. One breast cancer, the other heart attack in his 50s in an otherwise well man, mine - lifestyle bad health - too fat, too much drink, not enough exercise. My dad’s death was preventable- he could have had another 10-15 years through lifestyle change and he chose not to.
There are tons of advantages to being older. More chill, less stressed, more financially stable. I also loved having my Victorian era dgm - a hand from the 1800s holding mine. Play to your strengths.

What’s the difference between being 50 and being 49? Nothing has changed…

DH’s parents were 40s when they had him. They’re mid 70s now we’re 30s. Them needing more of our help is going to clash with when we have small children. And his mum almost died earlier this year. Your DH is a decade older than them. He may not live to see them reach 30. So prepare for that. Make sure your kids won’t have to be caring for him in their 20s.

I had my child when I was 31 and my husband was 49 - didn't think anything of it at the time. BUT he died when he was 51 - I know that does not happen to everyone but I also don't think he would have coped with the teenage years when I see how they were

I think the advice to make conscious efforts to stay fit is spot on.

When my ds was 5, I was 50, but I still ran the charity 5k with the other mums. I taught my ds to cycle and then cycled with him until he left primary school. I swam with him, and still practice martial arts with him now.

Being able to keep up is essential for all of you OP.

Currently expecting my 2nd with DH, who turns 50 next year, similar age gap to you.

Obviously ideally we would be younger but it wasn't possible for us then for a variety of reasons. I do think about the future and how things will be when the children are teenagers/young adults and he is the age our parents are now, but then I look at our parents and think actually there's no reason they couldn't handle an eg. 20 year old now. If anything, it keeps you young.

Yes there are some downsides but ultimately you only have one life so you can't let age dictate big decisions in life like this. And I agree that given you have 2 little ones currently, it's not the end of the world to have another in the mix.

Maybe if you just answered the actual question as to why you are so shocked and why it makes a difference between 49 and 50, people could advise more.

But you seem intent on taking offence

It’s probably a shock because 50 sounds much older than 49!
You know if your DH will be a good Dad/supportive husband already, try not to focus on the age as 50 isn’t really that different to 48/9 when he had his last child and hopefully your DC will keep him young.

My husband had his first (and last) with me when he was 45. He's 50 now and is an incredible dad, and seeing him and our 5 yo daughter together fills my heart with joy. She is adored and spoiled (probably too much!) by the entire family and she has made our marriage complete.
However, we certainly would not be wanting any more as it's not easy being a 50 yo father to a 5 yo (not by choice).
He did the decent thing and had a vasectomy after our daughter was born so that's something we don't have to worry about.

So you were 23 and he was 38 when he knocked you up first?