Pregnant at 34 with a 50-year-old husband, any experiences?

[Sinsin2026]

Hi i have just found out in pregnant i am 34 dh is 50!! We have 3 children all girls 11,2 and 1 years, it has come as a bit of shock and we have talked about it but for my dh he’s concerned with his age being 50 which is understandable he will support me whatever choice i make but termination for me isnt an option, i just want to know if anyone has been in this situation or children that have had older parents what was your experiences? Dh is an amazing father and yes its going to be super hard with 3 under 3 lol, am i over thinking all this or shall i look at this as a blessing! And yes i will w getting sterlised after this 😂

My DH was 51 when we had our DC who is now 11. Yes it’s very much in the older category but it was just how things worked out for various reasons. He’s an amazing dad, yes definitely more tired but has a brilliant relationship with DC just gets on with it! You’ll get all sorts of negative comments on here about things like this though..

You’re not older, so I think as long as you’re able and willing to support your children as teens when your husband is getting old, it’ll be OK.

My DH is 48 and our youngest is under 1. I’m younger than him. I think we will be fine tbh. We made our choices. People do things differently.

Three is harder than two, but you know that.

I have name changed just in case I get recognised -have posted lots in the past!

I was 35 and DH 50 when we had our second (and last). I think it depends entirely on the attitude of each individual, not all 50/60 year olds are the same. Our son is now 18, DH is very active (both mentally and physically), very healthy, keeps fit, is a very involved dad and has been throughout our marriage.

I do think it’s better to be a little younger due to risks increasing with age, but that’s life and we don’t regret it at all.

I always feel the need to put things in perspective with regards to older parents and risk as it always gets mentioned in these types of posts (no skin in the game myself) but I just think it's yet another thing for people to beat themselves up over for no reason. It looks like sperm abnormality rises from around 2% in early 30s to 3-5% in older dads (43+). That's sperm abnormality not 3-5% of live births encountering issues due to sperm abnormality, as a lot happens before fertilisation or implantation or early in pregnancy so it might be harder to conceive but clearly not in this case. So it's not 'very lucky' to have a child with no disability, the most likely outcome by far is a perfectly healthy child at any age (and weight, since we're on the topic of myth busting). The risk of genetic abnormality based on the mum's age seems to be a lot lower, less than 1% anywhere between 20 and 38. It does sometimes feel like people jump on age or weight and decide that is the line not to cross but this doesn't seem backed up by research and I think a lot of people don't realise how small the risk actually is.

DH and I have an age gap of 10 years or so, and it never showed until he turned 50. Now he's 61 it feels like an ocean.

But you already have young children so one more makes little difference, does it.

What if someone replies that they're in the same situation and it's terrible? You've said you're not prepared to consider termination, so you just need to get on with it, regardless of the experience of others.

why do you care

You will both be fine. George Clooney is doing very well with his young children.and younger wife. You are not old at all.

I don't understand why you didn't avoid pregnancy though, you do have very young children already.

@Burningbud1981 if the OP is concerned about having a third child with husband at 50 and 3 under 3, you would think contraception was the first thing on their mind!

What has this calculation got to do with anything?

OP was part of the baby making as well

I could understand the point of this post if it weren’t for the fact that you already have a one year old ? What advice are you actually looking for ? Why was this such a shock

Because together with the ops quip in her op about her getting sterilised, when clearly him getting the snip is far more sensible - it suggests a power imbalance in this relationship

Im confused

you have 3 children 12 years old and a 2 year old and a 1 year old

and youre asking for experience of older parents - but your dp is already an older parent with a 2 and a 1 year old at 48 and 49

will 50 be such a difference?

Pregnant at 22, to a man 16 years older probably, as she had her first child at 23.
Yes - it matters because of the power imbalance.

In a politically correct world where one is not allowed to think any more in case one draws on one's life experiences and reaches a conclusion that is obvious to all , but at the same time a little bit 'hurty' then truth goes out the window doesn't it! you can never give sensible advice in case it's seen as 'heaven forbid' the dreaded 'Judgemental' better to lie through your teeth and be 'nicey, nicey'.

You will be fine, you are still young, though it is going to be hard work. You say your husband is a great dad to the three you already have - I'm sure he'll be a great dad to the new baby.

I hope you have some help around the house, Sinsin, and don't have financial problems. They are important factors.

Do consider one of you being sterilised - quickly - after this one. Otherwise you could have another five at least :-).

How does your eleven year old feel about another sibling, is she a very maternal girl? Whatever, it has happened so keep well and good luck. When your new baby is here and you are all well, I will congratulate you.

@Sinsin2026 you definitely don't deserve the hard time some people have given you on here, but that sadly is what seems to happen on MN these days.
There are two issues here. Your DH is an amazing father so one more child and one year older won't make any fundamental difference to that. Given the plethora of deadbeat younger fathers complained about on here multiple times a day his maturity could actually be a benefit.
The bigger issue is the pressures that will come for your family as a whole with 3 children under 3 and a pre teen. But if this is done deed you will just have to navigate through it at each stage. Hope it all works out for you all.

Why would you get sterilised? Would he not consider a vasectomy?

I mean, at least when / if your 2, 1 and future baby start Uni, your DH will be retired and they should be able to apply for the full maintenance loans. Silver lining and all that.

Surely this is just the same as the baby you had a year ago. What’s different?

Alright, lots of people here have fertility issues, it's nothing that needs hiding. I am one of them, it took me 4 years to conceive my first baby and then I had an oopsie and ended up with 2 under 2! These things happen.

I think what we're confused about is why you're suddenly worried about an old dad for your third baby in 3 years? Why was 48 ok and 49 ok but 50 you suddenly need advice?

Or are you going to do another massive drip feed and tell us that he's not the biological father of the others?

People are supportive and helpful here, you've just posted a very bizarre thread and aren't answering basic questions.

I say enjoy the adventure! He has already proven he is a good dad. He will bring maturity and wisdom and excellent homework-helping skills. The other children are young. Enjoy the crazy!

Advice on what? You’re already pregnant and I assume you don’t want advice on whether to terminate or not. It’s too late to give you advice on contraception, or whether having a partner who’s the best part of 2 decades older than you is a good idea.
I think there will be very few - if any- posters on here that have the same circumstances as you. All I will say is, it will be very tough. You’ll have 4 children, 3 of whom will need car seats, so you will need a car that seats 7 for starters. You’ll have 3 children under school age for a good year - that would be enough to break me TBH. Their father will likely have to continue working for at least another 20 years to support them. Unless his job pays very well, and assuming you don’t return to work, you’re going to be pretty broke for the foreseeable future.
Its quite worrying that you seem to think this is a funny position to be in. “yes its going to be super hard with 3 under 3 lol, am i over thinking all this or shall i look at this as a blessing! And yes i will w getting sterlised after this 😂”

What are the options if termination is not an option?

You'll make it work. No difference between him being 49 ti being 50.