Pregnant at 34 with a 50-year-old husband, any experiences?

[Sinsin2026]

Hi i have just found out in pregnant i am 34 dh is 50!! We have 3 children all girls 11,2 and 1 years, it has come as a bit of shock and we have talked about it but for my dh he’s concerned with his age being 50 which is understandable he will support me whatever choice i make but termination for me isnt an option, i just want to know if anyone has been in this situation or children that have had older parents what was your experiences? Dh is an amazing father and yes its going to be super hard with 3 under 3 lol, am i over thinking all this or shall i look at this as a blessing! And yes i will w getting sterlised after this 😂

I feel no particular negativity towards older parents, @englishmummyinwales - I’m just puzzled by this OP.

(And mildly alarmed that after four pregnancies she thinks she should undergo sterilisation, rather than her husband having a vasectomy. It does imply their marriage may be a little unbalanced in terms of power.)

You are still really young at 34 though. It's if anything much more concerning that you got pregnant at 22 to a man who was nearing 40 even back then, than that you are pregnant at 34.

You are a perfectly normal age to have a baby, your husband is at the older end especially as it's now known that there are increased risks of chromosomal/ genertic disorders with elderly sperm just as with older eggs.

Will you be okay if your fourth child has a chromosomal disorder requiring significant extra/ lifelong care?

As others say he'll probably be fine as a father now, but may struggle with teenagers in his late 60s and unless you're already well off or a high earner he won't be able to retire. One more baby will only add another eighteen months to two years to that as you have a one year old now though. Unless the baby has additional needs.

I'm not sure why you're even asking. You have a 1 year old. You / he were clearly happy having an almost retirement age father for your children or you would have stopped having babies 5 / 10 years ago. You've been very lucky to have had children with no birth defects or disabilities given his age and the propensity of having poor quality sperm as happens with older men.

Totally agree with this. Im early 50s with teenagers and it's a nightmare.

But yiu already have 2 very young children. I dint understand why another is such a shock. I thought your thread was going to be this is your first with an Older partner. If he's a good day at 49 he will be a good dad at 50

A good friend of mine had parents your age so I can speak from her experience. She says she didn't really notice it when she was young but it became very obvious in her teens how generationally apart they were (and yes I get all parents are with their children). He couldn't relate, had different 'older' views and didn't understand her world (again outside of the normal parent/child gap).

She did resent this and his inability to do things in his sixties as he got older and wasn't able to 'keep up' with her. He also retired when she was a kid so never knew him working and money was considered as he didn't have a big income. Despite him being a big earner and her early life being wealthy, her teens meant no holidays and slowing down.

Otherwise it was fine. Her parents had fertility issues so much the same as you.

We had our last when DH was 50 and I was 42. Not a problem in the slightest, we all have a great relationship and are very close. I had 3 under 4. Personally I think it's much better to father a child at 50 when you know you you are and have had a great time already than at 20 when you're just a kid yourself. Ignore the negativity and enjoy your life - it's how things have worked out for you that's all

I think posters are just confused as to what ‘experiences’ you’re looking for. I could understand if you were a first time mum, but you already have 3 children with him and fairly recently, so what advice do you actually need?

Could you be a little more specific about what it is you would like advice on OP? As you’ve already got a 1 & 2 year old, you already know what life is like as the mum of young kids with an older dad? You’ve also said you’re not terminating so it sounds like you’ve already decided to go ahead with the pregnancy ? What is it you wanted some more input on?

And FYI, my DC asked why I was so old when his friends parents were young the other day. I'm 40. Imagine the same thing when your husband is 60.

I disagree, and DH was 40s when our last was born so I’m not one of those very young people you speak of. 50s is just too old. No amount of ‘life experience’ is going to make up for possibly caring for a parent with dementia in your 30s, or having a dad who sits in a chair and does little else once you reach 40. Sometimes there needs to be a cut off and this is one of them.

I don’t see the issue you are looking for support on @Sinsin2026 ? You already have 2 toddlers, so it’s not his age. Is it being 34? You had a child last year so not that much difference. Or are you concerned about 3 under 3?

I know men who had their first child in their 50s.

He‘ll be a very different kind of father to your younger children. More akin to some of their peers‘ grandfathers than fathers…

But that’s already the case for the 2 and 1 year old. There would be an age difference of about 2 years between that baby and your youngest DD. That‘s basically irrelevant imo! 50 or 48 at the birth of your child? Who cares.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t have a termination. But I personally don’t see why or how paternal age could factor into the decision making when you already have two young children!

This is a good point - he definitely needs to be the one having a vasectomy, not only for the main reason that it's far less invasive and with a far quicker recovery but because she's so young.

I'm not sure it would even be easy to get sterilised so young without another pregnancy being exceptionally medically risky.

How are you finding two under two?

They're just there aren't they.

How old were you when you first tried to conceive? You were only 23 when you had your first?

3 pregnancies in 3 years? Why on earth aren't you using proper contraception?

He should be one stepping up getting the snip. Why have you got to go through more? It’s a simple day surgery for him.

You’re only 34, yes your DH will be older than normal, but you won’t be. Ignore the negativity, people are single parents, widowed, so if you have an older DH, at least you’ve got support

Congratulations, my OH was 51 when we had our daughter and just had another surprise baby and he is 56. Not ideal and age does worry me and what life will look like, but he's great with them and is pretty active etc. I'm not sure what reassurance to give as I probably felt/feel similar to you but just that I don't think it's as negative as a lot of comments here suggest. 50 isn't exactly elderly! X

My partner is nearly 50, with his own 3 children, he’s 4 years younger than me and I just know that he would have been a far better dad if we had another together, than my ex husband who was 30 when our children were born and very immature, still is. Saying that, I would definitely have him getting a vasectomy!! So you don’t have anymore!

I’m also confused as to why you need advice now when you already had a baby with him when he was 48 and again at 49?

What has changed now he’s 50?

My only advice would be to make sure the 11 year old is still nurtured as I can easily see how she’s likely to get brushed aside (unintentionally of course) with three other children all under 3 years old needing your attention. Remember that she still needs it too (and not just as a pair of hands to help).

I don't know what advice you want.

Either you want this child or you don't and can consider termination.

At 34 you are usually very fertile so if you didn't or don't want more children, get your contraception up to speed.

He was 48 and 49 with your other two, so how is being a year older making it all different this time?