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Parenting

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3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

262 replies

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:06

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

OP posts:
Feis123 · 03/05/2026 23:31

PoppinjayPolly · 03/05/2026 23:23

This, it’s actually so so sad, put my 3yo to bed earlier and he had new bedding on and was unsettled by it, cannot imagine fucking off and leaving him

The world has gone mad - people say such things, albeit anonymously on MN, which would have horrified any semi-normal person 20 or 30 years ago. And the rest just nod, as if it is normal, for fear of seeming un-pc. We don't call things by their real names anymore - that is the problem. You described it perfectly 'fucked off and left him'.

DaisyDooley · 03/05/2026 23:34

I don’t know why people have children when they are not willing to put them first.
Poor little lad is only 3.
No wonder so many kids are so fucked up.
I just don’t understand women who can’t be without a man and who don’t think of their kids.
Let your little lad live with his dad - let’s hope he has one parent who will prioritise him.

OneNewEagle · 03/05/2026 23:43

Move the new man out and prioritise your son. He is the one who matters and he sounds very unhappy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

PoppinjayPolly · 03/05/2026 23:44

Feis123 · 03/05/2026 23:31

The world has gone mad - people say such things, albeit anonymously on MN, which would have horrified any semi-normal person 20 or 30 years ago. And the rest just nod, as if it is normal, for fear of seeming un-pc. We don't call things by their real names anymore - that is the problem. You described it perfectly 'fucked off and left him'.

Am awaiting the “omergawd!! Mn is about women supporting women!! How can you be so meeeeaannn!!!”

Northermcharn · 03/05/2026 23:46

DaisyDooley · 03/05/2026 23:34

I don’t know why people have children when they are not willing to put them first.
Poor little lad is only 3.
No wonder so many kids are so fucked up.
I just don’t understand women who can’t be without a man and who don’t think of their kids.
Let your little lad live with his dad - let’s hope he has one parent who will prioritise him.

Time and again on MN children are put last. Especially when it comes to 'blended families'. No wonder there are so many messed up adults around.

GrandmasCat · 03/05/2026 23:56

Op, if you are still reading, I have sent you a PM.

Frugalgal · 03/05/2026 23:59

PrettyFox · 03/05/2026 23:26

OP won’t be back. She wanted a quick fix to solve her kid’s behaviour, like he is the problem not her poor parenting and choices. I will never understand women that rush moving new boyfriends under the same roof than their little children.

Some women can't be without a man..

bridgetreilly · 03/05/2026 23:59

And clearly, even if he seemed to be okay before, being ill has upset him and made him want his home again.

I have a vivid memory of my nephew at that age, at his grandparents house, who he knew well and was happy to have sleepovers with, being scared on bonfire night. His response, ‘I want to go home to my home.’ That’s what your little boy is feeling. Home is his dad’s home, ideally with both parents there. Of course he is upset and scared and sad.

PurplishGemstones · 04/05/2026 00:04

we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest

You say 'We' have him. That's not right. 'You' have him and an unrelated man is hanging around and sleeping in your bed. He can't come to you if he wants to.
His comfort zone, his safe space is shattered.

I think everyone here can see that. You need to see and understand that.

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 04/05/2026 00:12

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son.

I now live with my new partner

I wonder what it could possibly be… 🙄

Ayarreet · 04/05/2026 00:16

I think it's another click bait thread. But awww, my heart is actually aching for this fictitious little boy.
It's why they keep on happening. No responses would be the best way.

Spookyspaghetti · 04/05/2026 00:22

Is your son safe with your new partner? The most dangerous time for a child is when a new partner starts living in the house. Be 100% sure this person is safe to be around your child.

SnappyQuoter · 04/05/2026 00:33

Recently split from your husband, whilst you have a very young child… already living with a new man, whom you’ve known a long time as a family friend. So affair? Or you left your husband and just immediately jumped into bed with a new guy, then moved him in and expect your very young child to adjust to all that and be happy?

He is better off staying with his dad and just seeing you every second weekend. He needs a parent who is focussing on him rather than setting up house with a new lover. You haven’t put your child first, you haven’t waited for him to adjust and settle. You’ve only thought about yourself.

LondonPapa · 04/05/2026 01:36

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:11

We didn't have an issue with him for the first month but recently as of the last two weeks or so he has become very emotional and upset he has recently had chicken pox but I didn't think this would effect the situation much

Potential abuse situation? Honestly it sounds like you’ve had a quick separation and moved on with new man well before your child can get used to it but also a month and then a sudden change is interesting.

Sensiblesal · 04/05/2026 01:46

SleepingisanArt · 03/05/2026 20:21

You asked for help to manage this situation but are refusing to see why your son is 'acting up'. He's 3. He will recognise your new partner in the way that he'd recognise any other of your friends. However, he associates home as being his mum and dad in his home. You have left his home and moved in with someone who is not his dad and he's telling you he's not happy. You need to live on your own with your son for a few years whilst he gets used to this separate houses situation. Still see you new man but not when you have your son. Its all too much for a little one and you have been unbelievably selfish.

This doesn’t need to happen af all.

people split up all the time and move on quite quickly.

the OP just need to manage this better which is why she is asking for advice not judgement. He is 3, he won’t actually have many formed memories from the last 3yrs so will actually adapt to a new routine pretty quickly

HoppingPavlova · 04/05/2026 02:01

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:09

He's known my new partner for a berry long time and there was a good chunk of time between moving out and new partner moving in I didn't word that verry well sorry

That does not match with the information you provided in the initial post which was you had recently split from your DH and had moved out and were living with a new partner.

So, either you recently moved out and in with the new partner, or you have moved out a long time ago and are now living with the new partner? Which is it?

If you have recently moved out from your DH, and in with a new partner, it’s entirely understandable that your child is not comfortable and wants to leave. It’s a completely inappropriate situation for them and shows zero judgement or awareness of children’s needs and safety.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 04/05/2026 02:46

Put your child first. He’s telling you to put him first.

If you can’t do that, than let his dad take care of him so at least he lives with someone who puts him first.

PhaedraTwo · 04/05/2026 02:49

Sensiblesal · 04/05/2026 01:46

This doesn’t need to happen af all.

people split up all the time and move on quite quickly.

the OP just need to manage this better which is why she is asking for advice not judgement. He is 3, he won’t actually have many formed memories from the last 3yrs so will actually adapt to a new routine pretty quickly

people split up all the time and move on quite quickly.

People do all sorts of stupid, selfish things all the time - doesn't make it right.

valentinka31 · 04/05/2026 04:51

This is about your relationship with your son, and his trust in you. Many have focused on your friend now living in the house with you. This is also a factor as it is strange for your son. And a new environment. And having to leave Daddy.

I don’t think being poorly has helped, but you and his dad need to find out why he says you make him sad. I’m sorry as it’s very hard to hear but your little boy is trying his best, with the language he has, to tell you about his feelings. You need to work out what is upsetting him. To do this you need to be extremely close and supportive and gently talk to him/observe him but on his level. Your new partner needs to be totally understanding and let you do this and focus on your toddler.

What are the sleeping arrangements? How well does he go to bed and sleep? Are there any new ‘rules’ at the new house?

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/05/2026 05:10

Would your partner take it badly if you asked him to stay somewhere else for the next contact time? I’d try that.

LAMPS1 · 04/05/2026 05:12

I think your expectations of your son are too high given all he is going through.

Three year olds need stability and familiarity. He can’t absorb the trauma of your sudden new living arrangements being forced on him for half the week every week. It’s not only confusing, it’s emotionally disruptive with far reaching consequences. Some children manage it better than others.

Having to move house twice a week is too much for him and nobody should blame him for complaining about that.
Children get a bad deal when expected to live like that, especially without warning or preparation. (And presumably he is expected to do it, relentlessly for the rest of his childhood)

You may have wanted to move to a completely new life with a new house and a new partner.
But your little boy didn’t.
He just wants to stay home ..the home he feels emotionally connected to, with the same two parents he’s had all his life.
It’s rather sad that his mum doesn’t appear to understand how impactful this change has been and will continue to be for him. It’s a massive emotional burden for him to have to carry.

How would you feel OP, if you were forced to move between two houses every 3 or 4 days, relentlessly, against your will, for the next 10 years.
Might you complain a little bit? Might it affect you psychologically?

Maybe you do actually understand all the implications and are just looking for advice to lessen the burden on you of him crying and being upset about it.

The only advice that can be given (other than special,treats like letting him choose his own new bedroom etc) is that your little boy should be your absolute priority, with patience, love and understanding in abundance from you and his dad. You need to give him your full, undisturbed time for play and activities together. He needs to feel that he has your full attention at all times. Ensure that your new relationship never interferes with or fights for space with your time with your son. You must be a dedicated parent to him.

Good luck !

ApolloandDaphne · 04/05/2026 06:09

A new house and a new man in that house is a lot for a three year old. He is seeking stability and security. He is getting that from his dad.

Wishimaywishimight · 04/05/2026 06:14

No doubt there will a new baby to follow and more upheavel for your son. I would let him live with his dad if that's where he is happy.

Theunamedcat · 04/05/2026 06:30

Are you thinking parental alienation?

asdbaybeeee · 04/05/2026 06:35

Do you think dad is bad mouthing you or guilting your ds? Does ex still live in family home?
id keep things calm, do nice activities, give him lots of love and try not to expect too much from him