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Original poster

3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

262 replies

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:06

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

OP posts:
Wordsmithery · 03/05/2026 22:44

OP, you've asked for help but it's pretty inevitable you won't like the advice people give, because it implies you've been hasty and put yourself ahead of your child.
Your child has had far too many major changes in his very short life. New home, away from his dad, mum with a different man who now lives with them. To round things off he got chicken pox. Not surprising that he's unhappy. And he can't tell you what's wrong as he simply doesn't have the emotional maturity to tell you.
Live separately from your partner and give your child plenty of one to one attention. He has to be your focus right now. If your new partner is worth having, he'll understand why you can't live together yet.

Brainstorm23 · 03/05/2026 22:45

Don't bother replying folks. OP won't be back.

NFLsHomeGirl · 03/05/2026 22:46

SleepingisanArt · 03/05/2026 20:21

You asked for help to manage this situation but are refusing to see why your son is 'acting up'. He's 3. He will recognise your new partner in the way that he'd recognise any other of your friends. However, he associates home as being his mum and dad in his home. You have left his home and moved in with someone who is not his dad and he's telling you he's not happy. You need to live on your own with your son for a few years whilst he gets used to this separate houses situation. Still see you new man but not when you have your son. Its all too much for a little one and you have been unbelievably selfish.

Sounds like a fucking mess. Poor little lad

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ForCosyLion · 03/05/2026 22:48

If this is new behaviour, are you absolutely sure that your partner isn't being horrible to him in some way, when your back is turned? Statistically your partner is the greatest risk to your child out of anyone in his life.

BinNightTonight · 03/05/2026 22:48

OP, you say you and your husband split recently and you've already moved a new partner in, regardless if he knew your partner beforehand, its way too much too soon for a young child (or any child). I would be moving this man out of my house pronto and making sure my child feels comfortable in his home as a priority. Please listen to what your son is saying to you.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 03/05/2026 22:49

I don't think OP will be coming back, due to all the 'judgement' she has received.

But it's impossible to comment on a situation like this without coming across as judgy.

It seems pretty obvious to most people posting on here what the problem probably is.

OP has refused to confirm what the actual time frames are, which I think tells us that they make for pretty bad reading.

Her son is 3, the new BF was previously a friend, in her and her son's life for a year. As a friend, one of many presumably, since DC was 2.
How many 2 year olds are very aware of their parents' friends?

OP left her husband and the family home, and moved in to a new home with the new BF.

And is surprised her 3 year old son is upset.

🤦‍♀️

MoFadaCromulent · 03/05/2026 22:52

A 3 year old doesn't give a fuck about someone you were friends with though

You've moved him in with a new man in a short space of time of leaving her dad. It's fucking mental

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/05/2026 22:58

Poor kid. A year as friends is not the same as then moving in together and living with him esp in a different house to where he lives all his little life

no wonder he is acting up and wanting to be familiar

Pinkflamingo10 · 03/05/2026 22:58

He’s only three. He’s communicating with you. He hates the new house and strange new man situation.
I would just live with you and your child only for a while. He’s seen a huge amount of upheaval in his short life. You can see your new partner when your child is at his fathers.

Ghilliedu · 03/05/2026 23:00

Agree with others, the OP won’t be back. She didn’t want comments on her situation because she knows fine well she’s been selfish. Nobody should have to stay in a relationship if they’re unhappy but when there’s a child involved any transitions need to be handled sensitivity. The poor child won’t know what’s happening

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 03/05/2026 23:01

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:11

We didn't have an issue with him for the first month but recently as of the last two weeks or so he has become very emotional and upset he has recently had chicken pox but I didn't think this would effect the situation much

Chicken pox is dreadful. Poor child probably still feels awful. I think you are minimising your child’s feelings because you don’t want to face what you are actually doing to him. If it’s possible I think he would be better staying at his dad’s for a while and seeing you during the day. That way he can get used to your new house gradually. I hope he has his own space at your house where he can build up a collection of his own toys and play with them. You’ve moved too fast too soon.

Feis123 · 03/05/2026 23:03

Poor, poor, poor child.

2chocolateoranges · 03/05/2026 23:04

You’ve recently split with you husband and moved in with your new partner, no wonder your little ones head is all mixed up!

however a 3 year old doesn’t get a chalice with contact, they do as they are asked. You are the adult in this, act like you are.

Candy24 · 03/05/2026 23:06

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

Sounds like you had an affair. There would be bad blood then and it would be easy for a 3yr old to pick up on.

PepsiBook · 03/05/2026 23:09

You're surprised?
You rushed into moving your son in with your new boyfriend. He may have met him before as friends, but why would you choose to move him into a house with a man he barely knows?
You recently spilt with his dad, and immediately want him to have a new step dad who he now had to live with?
You're not putting your son's needs first at all, which is very sad.

inickedthisname · 03/05/2026 23:11

“I’m not looking for judgement, I want people to help me unquestioningly without pointing out anything I’ve done to contribute to the problem”

I doubt the OP will be back

AnaisVB · 03/05/2026 23:14

I don’t want to judge you but this is kind of crazy that you haven’t seen this yourself .
Of course its way too soon for your son to be living with someone else. It doesn’t matter how long you have or haven’t known him, for your son this is too much, too confusing and he wants is his old life back . I’m sorry you don’t like the answers you are getting here but I think it’s important for you to hear that if you are concerned about your child it’s quite clearly the amount of change he has been through. He needs stability . I’m sure you are a wonderful Mum , I think you have misjudged this though. I hope you can pull this back quickly x

Geppili · 03/05/2026 23:18

Get your partner to move out. Protect your tiny son.

PoppinjayPolly · 03/05/2026 23:23

Feis123 · 03/05/2026 23:03

Poor, poor, poor child.

This, it’s actually so so sad, put my 3yo to bed earlier and he had new bedding on and was unsettled by it, cannot imagine fucking off and leaving him

TheLemonLemur · 03/05/2026 23:25

Its not that you are being judged but things you say don't make sense and people are offering advice. It is naive to expect a 3 year old to understand mum and dad are not together, he now has 2 houses and a stranger living in one.
You sound like you have jumped ftom 1 relationship straight into another - why the rush to move new partner in? You really need to focus on helping your son adjust to the seperation never mind anything else

PrettyFox · 03/05/2026 23:26

OP won’t be back. She wanted a quick fix to solve her kid’s behaviour, like he is the problem not her poor parenting and choices. I will never understand women that rush moving new boyfriends under the same roof than their little children.

PoppinjayPolly · 03/05/2026 23:27

TheLemonLemur · 03/05/2026 23:25

Its not that you are being judged but things you say don't make sense and people are offering advice. It is naive to expect a 3 year old to understand mum and dad are not together, he now has 2 houses and a stranger living in one.
You sound like you have jumped ftom 1 relationship straight into another - why the rush to move new partner in? You really need to focus on helping your son adjust to the seperation never mind anything else

Oh I’m definitely judging op! am sure not alone!

raisinglittlepeople12 · 03/05/2026 23:28

You recently split with your husband and already live with a boyfriend? This has to be rage bait

IFeelLikeChickenTonite · 03/05/2026 23:29

Good advice here, but judging from the OP’s silence it seems she’s refusing to take the advice and her poor child will continue to come a poor second to her sex life …

MoFadaCromulent · 03/05/2026 23:30

For the record I am judging. It's shit parenting and it's selfish.

If it was a dad I'd be taking about him caring more about getting his end away than his childs well-being and trying to abdicate his parenting responsibility to a new partner.

No different here, if true you're absolutely selfish and failing your child