Going through hell in early single motherhood

[BrendaSouleyman]

I am a single mother, aged 44, of a baby boy born late January. My baby was very much longed-for and was conceived using IVF donor sperm. Since he was born, however, things have been awful. I feel no joy, just panic and terror. I moved from Paris, where I lived for 21 years, back to my native north -west of Ireland, in with my mum in order to get some support with the baby but I miss my freedom and my previous life more than I could ever express. The fact that I had my freedom for so long (as I said, I'm 44) is a big factor. I had a lovely life and could hop on a flight or go to the theatre at the drop of a hat; now I have to tell my mum when I go for a pee and ask her to mind the baby. I may across as dense- of course I realised having a baby would curtail my freedom but I never imagined how I'd feel about the lack of freedom. I thought I was ready for it, but it's actually hell. I can not believe that I have traded in my lovely life for this -and I feel devastated that something (a much-longed for status as mother) that I wanted so much is causing me so much pain.
I've moved back in with my mum in the small, grey, town where I grew up. I attend mother and baby groups and they are very well and good, the other mums are very friendly, but it doesn't help with complete and utter despair. Their babies are older than mine and still aren't sleeping through the night (at ten or eleven months old)- which is apparently normal- I'd read in books that a baby should be able to sleep through the nightvat six months, which I now know is codswallop. The other mothers all have partners and I think that helps. My mother was helping me at night with the baby but, very sleep-deprived, she had a car accident a month ago. Thankfully she is OK but the passenger in the other car said she took a pregnancy test before the accident and iit was positive; another test a few days after the accidnet was negative. My mother's car is a write-off so we're taking taxis everywhere. My mother had to make a statement to the police. She's never had so much as a parking ticket in her life.

My older sister (who has three children aged 8, 6 and 4) picked me up from a mother and baby group yesterday. I asked her when things get easier, she said "It doesn't get easier, Brenda! They grow up and start answering back. I got kicked in bed last night (two of her kids get into bed with her in the middle of the night). I love my children but if I had my time over again, I honestly don't think I'd have had them." To be fair to my sister, she knows I've been anxious but she doesn't know that every minute of every day has been absolute hell. Her words left me despairing. And as I went to post this thread, I saw a thread started by a mother of a two year-old who said her sons sleep has regressed and that hes throwing tantrums, and she was asking if things get better.
So here have I been counting down the days and weeks until my baby cries less, sleeps more, deperately Googling when I will get a bit more freedom or when I will feel this overwhelming love that makes it all worthwhile-but it seems that there is no end to this hell in sight.

I am in contact with mental health services in my local Trust. A psychiatrist in the local Trust perinatal mental health service has suggested anti-depressant called Mirtazapine which is compatible with breastfeeding but I was prescrived various anti- depressants many years ago and none had any effect. The psychiatrist knows that and is not at all forcing me to take them. Also, I couldn't co-sleep with the baby if I take an anti-depressant and co- sleeping is how I get some sleep at night. I have had sessions with a CBT therapist who says the way I am feeling is not unusual but that it does get better. Yet I read plenty of posts from parent of two and three year olds who are still going through hell, and then that comment from my sister yesterday that it doesnt get easier has augmented my despair.
All I know is that I can not go on like this.
My baby son is so beautiful but I have been researching if i can put him into care. It would break my heart, but I really do not think I could live for more months like this. I have been doing everything "right"- in contact with the local perinatal mental health services and seeing a counsellor- and I still don't see any hope.

I can’t relate to how you’re feeling as I had quite easy babies it seems. But my sister has an 11 month old and a lot of what you’ve written resonates with her experience. Her baby was very full on until 5 months old, she tried everything. He screamed and screamed and screamed. At 5 months suddenly something shifted and he became a joy and she loves being with him now. He’s still a high needs baby and she’s still tired, but there’s so much joy there now too. I hope it gets better for you soon.

I breastfed ds1 for 6 weeks, and ds2 for 3 months. I felt like a cow! Constantly producing milk. I was either feeding or consoling a crying baby. Don't get me wrong they had their cooing moments in between but I felt they were always on my boob. Changing to formula made a huge difference. They slept for longer and seemed more contented. The only negative comment I had came from exMIL who insisted I try harder! As it was all three of her children were adopted, and her sister said to her you can't say tha as you don't know how hard it is for some women. She then apologised- thankfully. So please don't feel guilty if you swop to formula. Honestly it saved my sanity!

edited to add:- I also co slept with ds2 from when he was about 3 months old. That way we all had a full nights sleep! We won't talk about how he was still snuggling in at the end of primary school 😂

@BrendaSouleyman my reflection on this time with my DS was that it felt a bit like grief. I felt a lot like you do in terms of having lost my old life completely. You are right in that you do not have a way back to pre baby and it is like losing yourself. It is a massive physical and emotional transition and you must give yourself a chance to grieve your old life. It is ok to not to enjoy it.
Have you tried noise cancelling headphones with music to drown it out? I used to walk thousands of steps around the house with DS in a fabric sling and headphones on because the crying made me feel like screaming.

If you can afford it, book a babysitter and get some uninterrupted sleep. It makes a massive difference to your mental state.
Also, baby will be fine if you sometimes let him cry for a couple of minutes while you go to toilet, get something etc. It’s important to try and turn off the adrenaline type response to the crying. Babies cry, it’s the only means of communication and it does not mean you are doing anything wrong.
You sound like you are doing a wonderful job, it really does get easier as you both become more used to each other although it can be a relentless road. Nursery and working helped me feel more normal.

As for the unconditional love thing - it took me a long time to feel like that. I talked to the mental health team regularly because DS was very premature and I struggled.
I was a bit surprised when DS was poorly when he was about 1 year old. It was quite serious and that was the first time I realised that I would do anything for him to be better. I don’t really know when it happened but it was not instant wonder. Attachment is complicated and different for everyone. Sending best wishes to you and solidarity. You aren’t alone.

I had my son at 40 and I remember when he was around 6 days old feeling sure I had ruined my life. Those early weeks were absolutely horrendous for us, he didn't sleep. I didn't know such a thing as a non-sleeping baby existed! I thought I was going to die of exhaustion. But he's now 6 years and a total joy most of the time. FWIW he slept through most nights from around 10 months and his toddler years were ok behaviour wise, no major issues - so a difficult baby did not equal a difficult toddler for us.

Going back to work at 12 months was a positive for me, I felt I was 'me' again. There's no doubt that even with a partner my life is very different now. We have zero family help so my social life is nothing like it was before. But that doesn't panic me like it did in the early days. I'm happy. And I have met three amazing new friends through my son who are a big part of my life now. So yes life is different but that's ok.

Honestly reach out and take all the help you can. These early months are tough. It will get easier.

Edited to say that while I never had PND, I also never experienced or enjoyed the elusive 'baby bubble'. I thought the early months were torture! You are definitely not alone to not be enjoying it.

Look i get it you're deep in the trenches and the 1st baby is always the hardest adjustment believe it or not you will miss these baby days when they grow it goes way too fast . I have 7 children ranging from 22 to 1yo my 1 yo had horrendous reflux and colic those first 6 months were absolute hell and I was prescribed sertraline , now hes a totally different baby always happy and smiling . Your sister is right it doesn't get easier the challenges just change but I promise it really is worth it .
Sending you hugs because I do know how difficult it is to feel this way .

Reading 'A Life's Work' by Rachel Cusk was a lifesaver for me. I recommended it to all my first time mum friends.
"“Birth is not merely that which divides women from men: it also divides women from themselves, so that a woman's understanding of what it is to exist is profoundly changed. Another person has existed in her, and after their birth the live within the jurisdiction of her consciousness. When she is with them she is not herself; when she is without them she is not herself; and so it is as difficult to leave your children as it is to stay with them. To discover this is to feel that your life has become irretrievably mired in conflict, or caught in some mythic snare in which you will perpetually, vainly struggle.”

Bless you, you can do this.
No new parent knows what is wrong when baby cries.
So you feed, hydrate, wind, change nappy, check temperature. All that done? Be firm and consistent. Baby can cry( within reason) without coming to harm.
you’ve lost yourself and need your life back. It doesn’t have to stop because youve had a baby.
Put yourself first more, be a bit selfish.
What is your financial position to work towards getting your life back?

I had both my children in my early forties and by the time the youngest was 18 months I was a single mother of two young pre-school children at age 45. There were challenges but I took each day as it came. They are adult now and I wouldn’t swap them for anything.

Try and get some MH support and lean on your family. Each chapter of their lives does bring new challenges but also new joys.

Hi OP, I’m sorry you are experiencing these feelings.

What support system do you have in Paris if you do go back there?

Do not underestimate the importance of having someone nearby who you can leave the baby with for a few hours, even if it just so you can go for a walk or a coffee on your own.

As much as we all love our children, having some time away from them is essential at times.

My children are 12 and 8 and I still miss the freedom that I used to have prior to having them. Anybody who has children makes that sacrifice and until the children become late teenagers then we never have the freedom to just fly off for the weekend (as an example) without having to consider them. I guess I’m trying to reassure you that the loss of freedom is huge and you shouldn’t feel bad about missing it so much. As another poster said, parenthood really is like leaving your old life behind and embarking on a whole new one and it’s a big adjustment….. mentally as well as physically. Everything has to change.

Me and my husband honestly wonder what on earth we did with our time prior to having children. We can’t believe we actually had the time and freedom to just do what we wanted, when we wanted. It seems like such an alien concept now.

Regarding sleep, my first son started reliably sleeping through when he was about 12 months old, and my second son when he was about 18 months old. Some children do sleep through at much earlier than that and you may be one of the fortunate ones, but children wake up for all sorts of reasons and you literally do just have to take parenting one day at a time and take what comes at you. The same goes for crying…….we have all been in situations where our babies cry and nothing we do seems to make it stop. It’s stressful, it’s overwhelming but I promise you, it’s just another part of being a parent to a baby. The older your baby gets the more you will get to know them and managing situations like that will get easier though.

A woman I know had a baby via sperm donor at 44 and she felt exactly the same way as you. Becoming a parent is huge and I don’t think anybody can be prepared for the way it changes your life, you unfortunately just have the extra challenges of not having a partner to share the load with and the fact you’ve also moved away from your home.

It’s really positive though that you’re seeking out professional support and engaging with services as it shows that you really do want to overcome this. Be kind to yourself, it probably took a lot for you to write this out and admit how you’re feeling, but it is so common in new mothers. Keep being open and honest about your feelings, lean on those who can support you and do whatever it takes to make sure you feel emotionally stable and capable x

I have DC, 15, 7 and 5 - and I'm very perimenopausal so it's probably harder than it might be if I was a decade younger. But, I absolutely sympathise OP, and echo that the adjustment to motherhood is huge, and an immense change.

Nobody prepares you for the real parts, the hormonal fluctuations and crashes, the sleep deprivation, the tantrums, the worries of what they are crying about... it's all a bit of a life change and totally understandable why anyone might find it very hard.

But it doee get easier, and they do sleep longer, and become amazing people. I was literally just having a conversation with my eldest daughter about her visiting a friend in Somerset on her own, by train, from Norwich. The things we worry about are different at every stage, but they are still there.

Building a life that you enjoy with children is definitely something that you can do, I agree with PP. It might mean a move back to Paris, and this could be the best thing you do.

But right now, you're in the thick of the early babyhood, and possibly with PND too. Be kind to yourself, and consider the situation from every angle. It will all be fine, I'm sure.

Noooo, those complaining of their two and three year olds are doing so from a completely different place. At the moment I’m reading a book while my three year old potters! It’s light years away from the baby days.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I struggled with what I now realise was PND and anxiety too but didn't get treatment at the time so you are doing really well already to be looking into this. I think it will help a lot to get on treatment - both medical and therapy if possible.

Your baby is at a really hard age. It is absolutely just not true that it never gets easier - it gets a lot easier. Around 10 months was the big turning point for me, then there was another big improvement a few months after that. Sure, 2 and 3 year olds can have tantrums etc but it is nothing like the absolute relentlessness of a small baby. The sleep will get better too - it doesn't mean they will necessarily sleep through the night, which to be honest can take a while, but if they just wake up once or twice for 10 mins, that is so so much easier to deal with than a whole night of broken sleep with long periods overnight with them awake. In a few months the baby's daytime naps will consolidate too which helps so so much - my 1 year old naps from 12-2:30 daily so I can catch up on house things or nap myself etc.

I think you definitely should move back to Paris asap as long as you can find some childcare so it isn't just all on you all the time.

In terms of crying, neither of my babies really noticed dirty nappies so in my experience it is unlikely to be that. If you are breastfeeding, the number one thing I would recommend is feeding every time they cry. Usually they are crying because they are hungry or want comfort, and that solves both. Do you have a baby carrier? I hugely recommend getting one. Babies like it so much more than being in the pram. In my experience it's unusual for a full baby to keep crying if you are walking around somewhere with them in the carrier. Sometimes they are just in pain from gas/growing etc and you can't stop the crying, in which case I recommend headphones to take the edge off - you can still hear through them but it's much less overwhelming and stressful. I know the crying is really hard but they do cry much much less over the next few months and sleep becomes much more joined up.

I didn't feel immediate overwhelming love either - it developed as I got to know them. I think that concept can be quite exaggerated.

Importantly, you are struggling at least in part because you care so much about doing right by your baby. It would be easy if you were ignoring them - you are putting your all into this. It is a strange stage where it's easy to feel like you've lost yourself but I promise you will find yourself again after the first year.

It's important that you do at least some things for yourself too - so maybe your mum or a friend can watch the baby for a bit - but to some extent this is something you have to surrender to for the next few months, knowing that it's all just a phase. Bigger picture, this is a tiny stage of your life. You will have lots of opportunity to do things for yourself again once your baby is 1+. This is just a few hard months which you have to put in to start off with, which will pass. Weirdly I actually can't remember that much of the first year now for either of my kids - and they are still only very little! Hang in there and try to find joy in the good bits, knowing that the balance is moving more and more towards that. Good luck and do feel free to message me if you want to talk.

First,

You are not alone. Truly. There are millions of women around the world feeling exactly as you do right now, even if not all of them say it out loud.

Motherhood isn’t all rainbows and roses. It stretches you to both ends of every emotion you can experience as a human being. If you think about it psychologically, it can feel like your sense of self cracks open, your identity shifts as you give so much of yourself to another person. That’s especially intense in the early months, but you do gradually find your way back to yourself as time goes on.

If your baby is around five months old, you are right in the thick of one of the hardest phases, the big sleep regression. Even with a relatively “good” sleeper, that period can feel unbearable. I remember being up at 3am, rocking my baby, nothing soothing him, my body aching from exhaustion, still feeling disconnected from my body after a C-section. I remember crying quietly and thinking, wtf have I done, this feels like torture.

And then morning comes, they smile at you, and somehow your heart softens again!

For what it is worth, I don’t think we are mis-sold motherhood but I do think we remember it differently. Time softens the edges. The exhaustion and relentlessness fade just enough that what stays are the moments of love, the tiny smiles, the feeling of holding them close. That doesn’t make this part any less hard while you’re in it. It really bloody hard.

That’s the strange truth of it. Parenthood is constantly changing. Every phase feels all-consuming while you’re in it and then later it becomes something you look back on differently. A mum with a toddler might remember the newborn days with softness even if they were incredibly difficult at the time. I already look back at photos from those early months and wish I could hold him that small again.

I won’t sugar-coat things. In some ways, it can get harder as they become more mobile. Crawling, pulling up, walking, weaning, it demands constant vigilance. And alongside that comes the endless cycle of cooking, cleaning, washing. It can feel relentless, like you’ve lost control of your time. No one warned me about that. In some ways, you are giving yourself over completely for a while and as many people on this thread have advised, accepting the situation
for what it is will help.

Not sure if this is useful but I’ve noticed a pattern in my own experience. The first couple of weeks after a developmental leap can feel incredibly stressful and draining. For example, when my baby learned to pull up at around 10 months, that was a really hard week, constantly having to watch him and catch him from falling. I remember thinking, I simply cannot do this. I felt so overstimulated. But then it becomes your new normal and things settle for a while before the next change comes. It feels like a cycle, intense, then manageable, then intense again.

Try, where you can, to carve out small pockets of time just for you. Even something simple, having someone watch the baby for a short while so you can lie in a dark room with a cup of tea! Watch your favourite film in 15 minute chunks if that’s all the day allows. Write a few lines in a journal while they nap. These small acts don’t fix everything but they help you stay connected to yourself.

Also, even though things feel bleak right now, try to cherish the small moments as they happen. That smile, that little laugh, the way they look at you like you are their whole world. These moments pass so quickly even though the days feel long.

If any of this feels heavier than you can carry, it’s so important to lean on the people around you and speak openly, especially about the possibility of postnatal depression. You deserve support.

Unlike others I think being close to your mum at home right now is the best place to be. You’re not meant to do this with no network. Paris will still be there OP. That life you imagined hasn’t disappeared. Try to picture yourself one day walking those same streets, this time showing your child the places you love. That version of your life is still ahead of you

Right now, your baby is tiny, and humans are born incredibly dependent. Because of how we develop, human babies need far more care and closeness for much longer than most mammals. You’re in one of the hardest chapters. Take it one day at a time.

That's really unhelpful for the majority of parents who don't have babies that sleep like this though. Your kids were unusual too.

Every single day something will be a little by easier. You might not notice it every day but suddenly you'll realise something you found tricky a week ago you're know a pro at!
No one is as bothered by your baby crying as you. Most people if they look over are just glancing out of reflex and are probably wishing you well and remembering their own children as new babies
Everything is a phase - repeat this one to yourself as a mantra, you'll get through this hard bit
Plus toddlers are awesome, theyre much more likely to sleep through every night, they give her best cuddles and kisses and they are really fun
You're doing really really well, just keep going and keep asking for any help you need

Also mine slept really really well once their tummy was big enough to eat enough together full. Not every child sleeps badly

Having a baby, being an older parent , being a single parent , relocating your life, and returning from an entire adult life spent abroad to live with your mum, and probably not having any close friends nearby are all HUGE life challenges. You have taken them on all in one go so it's bound to take it's toll on your mental health. It will get easier as your child grows, and if you sort out a child care routine , you should be able go back to at least part time work as soon as you can and regain your confidence by mixing with other adults in similar situations. It is stressful.being a single parent and at 44 you are more likely to be fully aware of the previous freedom and independence you have lost, bits it's only for a few years, and takes a while to adjust to parenting responsibilities. If you take tiny steps towards sorting out the issues, one by one, I'm sure it will get better. I don't think putting your baby into care and giving up on him is really what you want to do, but do get some support in the form of actual help looking after baby to give you a break, at least once or twice a week, and plan what you can do with that time. Try to also find ways of enjoying your time with your baby too, because the years will start to flash by once he starts school.

I am sorry if my remark came across as cruel, it certainly wasn't meant to.
I empathise entirely with the nightmare feelings you are experiencing.
I wish you and your baby the very best.
I admit to being judgemental of people who choose single parenthood with sperm donation but I certainly don't believe that I consider myself superior.
I repeat that I am sorry if my comments caused you further distress.

OP I really feel for you, it’s so hard in those early weeks and I remember feeling like I was losing my mind at times.

If you can go back to Paris i definitely would. And don’t feel bad if you’re out with baby and he cries …. It’s what babies do and I promise you most people don’t mind half as much as you think they do!

whilst unusual at this age, is it a possibility that he’s teething? I only say this as my LO went through an awful stage of screaming for what we thought was no reason at about 15-16 weeks and all of a sudden 4 teeth appeared! At the same time as this I also had to take LO to a funeral as had no childcare ….. I stayed at the back with baby in a sling, just in case.

if you don’t already have a baby carrier, I highly recommend getting one. It definitely helped for me as LO was so much more settled being snuggled into me and it freed my arms etc up ….. we went for long walks, trips around town etc, it made life so much easier! If I needed to change nappies etc I stopped at a cafe, used their changing table and popped baby back in the carrier before ordering a coffee to go and carrying on.

I also found weaning helped so much too (I know you’re about 10 weeks or so off yet but it’s on the horizon) …. Once you can start offing food alongside milk it does get easier. I partially BF in the end as LO just wouldn’t settle so had to top up with formula …. Yes I know I may get flamed here but the formula was last thing at night and meant LO slept at least 5 hours which hugely helped my mental health!

happy for you to DM me if you want to, I’m thinking of you x

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. A few things I wanted to share and hope you find them useful. Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done. I felt exactly like you after my first. I can't imagine how hard it is to do it on your own. But I really did feel how you're feeling at this point . It is such a crazy adjustment, it's completely relentless and the sleep deprivation is torture. Sleep training at 7 months completely saved me with all mine (they're now 6, 3 and 1). They were all horrendous sleepers uland with sleep training have pretty much all slept through since 8 months. Obviously regressions here or there and they like to climb into my bed npw and again but I don't mind that when they go straight back to sleep. It gets so so so much easier after about six months. The crying you are describing will get so much easier soon and will be mostly gone after six months, they'll start to nap on a more predictable schedule. When they are in childcare - again it'll give you much more sense of normality. I found I started to feel less like I had completely self destructed my life from 1 year plus and really started to enjoy it after that. But up until then felt so much regret like you describe. Yes, it sounds like PND but it's pretty understandable for a lot of women to have these feelings given what a massive adjustment it is along with hormones, sleep deprivation etc. I found the book matrescence really great to give words to some of these feelings. Also do you have a community of women who are solo by choice? I'm Irish (not living there) but a lot of close friends of mine in Dublin (also in their 40's) are doing this too. Might help. I really hope it gets easier for you but what you are feeling is completely understandable and yes it really really will get better soon. For what it's worth, I felt such a deep sense of regret for the first year but now I am so glad I had children. It has taught me so much about myself and life in general.

Hi, I know you've had many replies already and I've not read them all, so apologies if I repeat what you've already read! I desperately wanted a child, and had my first just before turning 38. I'm now 41 with 4.5 Yr old and a 1.5 Yr old. The first few months with my eldest were torture, I cried ever day and felt awful because I'd wanted him so desperately. I even asked my mother if I could just take him back!! The complete shock, sleep deprivation, and change of life were so much more overwhelming than I ever thought possible. He would not simply fall asleep in my arms or a pram like other babies do, or even in the car, let alone a cot. He would cry and cry, wake every 45 mins at night. I had the health visitor saying silent reflux, milk allergy, blah blah but I knew these were probably not the issues. He was also not gaining as much weight as they thought he should, so they kept pressuring me to feed him more (breast fed). This all resulted in him developing a feeding aversion. However, that led me to a book by Rowena Bennett, which was so insightful it changed everything. I know yours doesn't have an aversion (that you've mentioned) but it really helped in understanding the crying and unsettled behaviour of mine was most likely overtiredness and gas from constantly feeding when he was upset. I then read another of her books, which helped me get him into a better routine for feeding and sleeping and he was such more comfortable and content! The books were "my babies bottle feeding aversion" and "my Sleepless baby". I read them as e-books from Amazon. They explain the links between feeding and sleeping, the misdiagnosis of reflux or cows milk allergy etc from HVs and provide solutions. Mine was about the same age as yours when I got him into a steady routine and it helped massively. I won't say he suddenly slept overnight, because he didn't. But he woke when he genuinely needed feeding instead of constantly, and he gradually dropped the feeds himself. It all felt endless at the time and I thought I'd ruined my life forever, but it really did get better! My second was not so bad as I knew what to expect and even though she was also not a sleeper, I really did know an end was in sight, so although I was exhausted, I did not feel desperate. Of course, toddlers and young children have different challenges and there are still wakeful nights BUT nothing will ever be as bad as the newborn phase for me! I'll take a day of meltdowns and back chat over the newborn phase any day! In the meantime, pop him in the sling and go for a walk with a drink and music/podcast. It won't last forever, and if he cries, he cries (but I definitely recommend Rowena Benett to help with that!) Once he is in more of a routine, things will gradually get easier and you'll gradually be able to gain more freedom. The toddler hugs, giggles and cuddles are also heart melting, making it worth it!

I so feel for you OP. Granted I was 10 years younger than you and with a husband when I had my eldest but I HATED the baby stage. Absolutely hated it. And apart from CMPA and reflux, he was a relatively easy baby and I had loads of family support too. I used to dread each day waking up, desperately missed my old life and spent hours plotting divorce with my husband so I could get 50/50 custody. In the end I spent a short time in a mother and baby unit after genuinely wanting to end my life. I remember then a psychologist telling me it was OK to have a "plan b" as an escape route even if I didn't act ok it when I mentioned wanting split custody.

My eldest is now four and he's now the absolute love of my life. I would be absolutey bereft to be seperated from him. And he's slept through the night (apart from illness, teething etc) since 9 months and continues to do so. I've hand on heart never had any bother putting him to bed, he's never ever had any sleep regressions. Yes he's had tantrums and hard days but that's normal but he's generally a lovely, caring boy.

I even went on to have a second (which I know you won't!) and he was a much more difficult baby. Cried non-stop, couldn't be put down and had very severe silent reflux though the saving grace was he was an even better sleeper than my eldest and has slept through the night (again bar illness, teething etc) since four months and again has never had any of these regressions people have and he's 1.

It absolutey does get better ❤️

I haven't read all the comments but my 2nd child seemed very uncomfortable (luckily for us breastfeeding calmed then immediately) however we took him to a chiropractor and he was completely out of alignment and slept all night the next 2 nights after being seen.

He was also intolerant or dairy and soya and once I cut that out there was an immediate improvement. It might be worth a try to see if it helps?

I have an 8 month old, and around 3/4 months I also had similar thoughts, I remember rocking her cot over and over whilst she hysterically screamed, she didn’t want to feed/to be held/to be put down, nothing I was doing was helping. In that moment I thought ‘what have I done?’ ‘How did my life become this?’

now we are 8 months in it has 100% got easier. She sleeps through the night, she naps much better in the day. she interacts with me, laughs and smiles and cuddles me. My ‘pink’ is coming back!
I do still have my days of feeling fed up if I haven’t had any ‘me’ time recently, but overall it does get a bit easier & lighter. I think the first 6 months are a HUGE shock. Ignore the ‘just wait’ comments, every baby is so different. Xxxx

Just to add to the chorus - I felt the same way and eventually my husband called my doctor and insisted that I speak with her. I ended up on anti depressants and in therapy. Which saved my life.

It will get better and it takes time. Hang in there.