Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

Good grief, your DH is a dick. Those children can’t share, totally inappropriate. You therefore need a house that allows for separate sleeping arrangements. Start there. Or make it easier on yourself, probably on many levels, and you and your DD go and live separately..

Absolutely 💯
His solution is just not on.
Please don’t allow it.

I do get that for lots of family, buying a 4bed house is just out the question. Completely and utterly, esp when you are talking about an 18 yo and 16yo who could potentially go to uni, move in with a partner, go walkabout round Auz in the next few years.

House prices have gone wild in lots of areas.

It's already happening in the current house!

Sofabed or campbed in the living room, or else you change the arrangement and the teens take turns visiting. Maybe aim to get a house where the living room has one door and you can close it, rather than anything more open-plan or where people have to pass through it to get to the kitchen.

Are you planning to have more kids?

Why oh why did you have a child when you couldn’t afford one? I would focus on renting a 4 bed house instead of buying a 3 bed. For a few years until the teens are grown.

You could sleep downstairs when the 18 year old stays, she can have your room. Or build one of those lovely garden pods outside for one of the teens to sleep in

Oh I just saw you’re buying. Don’t buy this house.

Ewww fucking weird having a 16 year old boy and a 4 year old girl in the same room. How awful for both of them. TBH I’m surprised the boy doesn’t just refuse to go to yours, when he could probably just stay at his mum’s all the time.

This is exactly what should be happening.

DD 4 needs her own permanent room. This is her only home and she shouldn’t have to keep shifting around to accommodate others on a regular basis! She should absolutely not be sharing with a 16 year old male sibling!

Can you convert one for the larger rooms into 2 separate rooms? Extend into the loft/ attic space?
I cannot fathom DH refusing to look at 4 bed houses! If you had 3 children living with you all the time would this still be the case?

That's the most ridiculous suggestion of the lot. Why would he put the little girl with a teenage boy? Surely having a 2nd bed in the resident girl's room and asking the older teenager to sleep in there when she visits, because that's what she does, it's not her home, would be the better solution, if a 4th bedroom is totally out of the question.

The child who stays with you permanently should have her own bedroom, I can’t understand why the 18 year old who has a bedroom elsewhere has priority over a child who’s only home it is.

16 and 4 yr old should NOT be sharing.

Also to add if school are any good at safeguarding and DD4 mentions that she shares a room with her 16 year old male sibling they will start asking questions! As deputy DSL I have been part of these discussions at my school. And the advice from us and our local social services is that this is not a suitable long term sleeping arrangement for either child!! Fine on an occasional short term basis ie one night while grandparent stay but not ok as the long term solution!

I don’t understand the 18 year old daughter gets preferential treatment to the 16 year old, why is that “exactly” what should be happening? People dont hide their preferences for girls on here at all do they.

Great idea.

Not a blended family but I was the much younger 3rd child with an older DSis and DB in a 3 bed house. I always shared with my DSis using bunk beds in the second biggest bedroom until she was 18. DB had the smallest bedroom to himself. When DSis went to uni and visited home for holidays only, my parents bought a standard single with a drawer underneath which had a full size single mattress in it. This was used when DSis was home. DSis was happy with the arrangement and I was too. I wouldn’t make both sexes share with that age gap, plus they are not full siblings.

I actually agreed on the basis of the 4 year old having her own suitably sized room. It’s her only home, her permanent home, in which she needs to grow into too and one day will be her own 16 year old self. She should have bedroom 2 with suitable space. The parents also should have their own bedroom due to it being their permanent home, sleeping on a sofa bed permanently and having two bedrooms upstairs only being used part time is silly.

The box room could be set up for DSD as dad is adamant she needs her own room, that’s down to him, not me. However, if I told my teenage son I was setting up the living room with his console, and a sofa bed with storage etc and that became his little “man pad” he would probably prefer the idea over his beautiful bedroom, luckily this isn’t about me.

Each child must have their own room
Maybe move to a cheaper area ?

What to do for the best is not to move in together

The parents created this mess so I don’t agree that it’s non negotiable they have a room.

I would hate to think how pushed out my son would feel if he was told his space was a sofa bed.

I agree. I wouldn’t, in these circumstances.

your dd is there all there all the time and needs her own room. Girls in the biggest room an when his eldest stays your dd has a sleepover in your room, ss has his own room as the box room