Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

You sleep in the living room or have dd in with you in a triple bunk.

What a mess. the problem is your husband gaslighting that the whole situation is bad and his refusal to engage.
Plus his refusal to give up gaming in the living room so you could both sleep there. It’s him. Hes bad. And dont even start me on the private room for the 18 year old girl.

Nope. You need a bigger house(or one with more potential, eg a dining room or study that could be a bedroom) or you need to split and put your kids needs first. Which you are not currently doing if the little one is sharing woth a rampant older male.
The rule is prioritise your kids before yourself. Can you honestly say youre doing that? Youre prioritising that gaslighting prick and his preferences.

And someone said youve got another thread already??? Take a hint. Your allowing your situation to be this messed up. You. Take a good look at yourself and tell him no.

That might work in the short term, but DD won't be four for ever. What about when she's six/eight/ten? She needs her own room, not sleeping with her mum.

If DH is being an arse, the only set-up I would consider is:
DSS and DH share
DSD own room
DD and you share
Then you can redistribute yourselves when DSD and DSS are not there.

If your husband insists the oldest daughter has her own room and everone else has to share then you share with the youngest daughter and the husband shares with his son.

Husband is an absolute arse.
Kids are suffering.
This is a horrible situation for everyone.
Who is buying the house? Is it joint? What are you both putting in? Could you just get a nice flat for you and DD instead and leave Mr No Compromise behind?

Wtf, OP can you not see that it's really odd that he is insisting that a young female child share with a teen male so that the teen female can hsve her own room? That's not fair on your younger daughter or the teen boy, it will be mortifying for him. Why he is prioritising his daughter having her own room over his son? There is something a bit disturbing about the strength of his reaction here

You saying DH ‘won’t budge’ - you can do that too, he’s not the only one that gets a say in how you live.

I don't think you should be buying a property together at all, he's inflexible about his adult daughters sleeping arrangement and you are both allowing a 4 year old girl and a 16 year old boy share, which is not appropriate and extremely questionable parenting. I'd personally have had it, if a 4 bed was 100% not possible, that DD 4 had her own room, DSS 16 had his own and DSD 18 was on sofa bed in living room. Apart from a larger house there's no other reasonable solution and DSD is an adult.

Your husband sounds like an absolute dick, but if you leave him your daughter ends up sharing with your stepson anyway.

If four bedrooms is unaffordable, either the stud wall as suggested before, your husband shares with your stepson or the two of you have the living room.

I think I agree with this. But I still believe that semi-resident siblings can share a room.

Sorry but that is completely inappropriate.

Why didn't you discuss all this before you had your daughter?
It's shocking that you've had her sharing with a teenaged boy and that you seem to think the whole thing is very funny.

The best solution would be you funding a two bedroomed house for you and your daughter and putting her first for a change.

This is a mess. How on earth are you living like this. My best friend was abused by her own brother
Why does DH insist 18 year old gets her own room?

You aren't protecting a 4 year old.

Why can't they share if they're both girls?! Growing up I shared with my older sister and younger sister. So maybe we were around 15, 8 and 4 years old.

I agree with this, with the added suggestion that you put a stud wall in the big room to divide it for your step kids so that they can stay at the same time.

Is there room for a caravan outside

For the husband? 😅🤣

@Lost4Madness dh should be adamant that a 4yr old that lives there full time has her own room. That’s a given .
However none of the teenagers can share and the youngest can’t share with the older .
so…. You all just have to stay where you are surely ?

They are all his kids shouldn’t he provide for them all then ?

The current set up is that the DD4 and stepson 16 are currently sharing so staying put isn’t an option either.

The 18 year old is an adult and doesn't need to be moving here life between 2 houses anymore, if she wants to stay overnight she has the sofa bed in the livingroom.

This marriage sounds awful. Your husband sounds like a child. Does he have any redeeming features?

he shouldn’t have had a third child if he couldn’t afford the house the children. Which clearly he can’t. A three bedroom house won’t work for this family.

the sensible solution is to rent a four bedroom for five (?) years until the older children have their own places then you can buy a two or three bedroom to give your youngest child her own bedroom.

How to estrange your daughter in one swift move!

Haven’t RTFT but the only answer is that you have one double, DSS has the box room, DSD and DD share the other double. Perhaps DD comes in with you when DSD is there.

If DH refuses that, I’d not be moving in at all.

Any chance of expanding into the loft, or putting in a garden room?