Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

I would buy a house with two reception rooms downstairs and turn one into a bedroom for eldest child.

I can’t understand why your dh thinks a 16 year old boy and a 4 year old girl is an appropriate room sharing combination? That is just the most odd logic? Even if ds is the sweetest lad it is completely unworkable on every level.

They most certainly do if they’re different sexes

Put the two girls in together. DD18 won’t be there much anyway I expect.

You might find this useful OP https://www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/sharing-a-bedroom/

Half-siblings shouldn't share bedrooms and they particularly shouldn't share bedrooms when it's an older boy with a much younger girl. Just don't even think about it.

This ^

Too late, it's happening! Neither parent obviously thinks it's a problem, unlike the rest of us.

This - it’s a red flag for me. I could understand someone insisting the boy has his own room (not that an 18 and 4 year old should share and of course there can be safeguarding concerns with women too) b it the risk would be minimised. Your husband is insisting on the oddest arrangement possible - that his 18 year old has her own room and that his 4 year old must share with a 16 year old? Has he been able to give you a reason for his thinking? I would be very curious to find out more about what’s going on in his head (and would absolutely rule out the current arrangement - your little girl is back in with you tonight)

An 18 year old girl and her 16 year old brother do not need to share. What s ridiculous statement.

OP, I am absolutely staggered at the lack of imagination your DH has, if he cannot see how wrong it is for a 16 year old boy and a 4 year old girl to share a bedroom.

LOL I know plenty of families where siblings share rooms - in large cities accommodation is expensive!

You don’t put a 16yr old boy in a room with a 4yr old female half sibling. That is basic safeguarding. You and your husband need to read up on this.

either the 2 full siblings who are only there 5 nights out of 15 (!) share - and come and go as they please, or the two girls share and the eldest needs to be mindful of her activities/ conversations etc around the 4yr old to minimise disruption at night.

your husband by the way sounds like a proper twat.

Personally such thinking would, at best, make me think the DH is not intelligent and at worst, who knows? But it is very, very odd thinking all round, enough for me to actually question who he is.

And this is what good parenting looks like :-)

So the solution appears to be a 4 bedroom property- there will be 3 children living with you at various points plus you & DH

Your DH needs to be coming up with more sensible/practical solutions and/or working out a financial plan for how to house his 3 children

You will have to rent a 4 bed until the oldest moves out more permanently. Or buy in a cheaper area or buy a house with a garage conversion or stick a garden room in for the 18 year old to sleep in.

your current proposals are not appropriate

I’d probably have DD4 share with you for a couple of years and save/make plans for a bigger house. Realistically most young adults do need to be accommodated into their 20s. At least in SE that is very much the norm.

Your partner thinks a 16 year old boy should share a room with A 4 year old girl?

Doesn’t make it right. Read up on sibling to sibling sexual assault and you’ll be alarmed.

Its specifically worse for step siblings and abuse against young girls.

plus to add all the chat re DD 18 moving out/getting FT job/going to uni where I live (SE London) it’s almost impossible for late teens/young adults to afford to move out of the family home

I know of many families where the 19/20/21 yr old still live with them and work in a permanent job

It may not be as easy to say the older DD will be gone soon- even if to uni what about after she finishes? Although appreciate she will have the option to then move in with mum too (or dad if she chooses)

You need a bigger house where all kids have their own rooms.

But if that is genuinely ot possible, dd and dsd share a room and dd comes in with you when dsd is there. A 4 yesr old girl cannot share with a 16 year old boy. It's utter madness.

Half siblings can if they are similar age and same sex but obviously this situation is neither of those things.

Have the two older ones come at different times (at that age that's what will happen naturally anyway soon).
Then they can share a big room - put a closet each so they each have storage space, and get a set of bedding each that they can use and then store in the closet (own pillows, blankets etc - that way it's their own stuff and not like being a guest).
If they ever come at the same time one can sleep in the living room (put a sofa bed in the living room and they can take their bedding down).

Your husband has got this completely wrong, OP. Your DD cannot share with her older step-brother (he is NOT her brother). I would suggest you and DD share, DH and his son share and the DSD has the box room. You and DH can share when they are not staying with you.