Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

This is tricky and I think your husband is being unreasonable. It is a really hard question to answer, because as your 4yr old is there all the time I think she should get a permanent room but that just doesn't work.

1. the easy answer is that the girls should share a double room and you divide it with a book case or even get a partial room divider to give a bit more privacy. Sliding track panel dividers(ceiling‑mounted, no floor hazard) are like lightweight sliding wardrobe doors but fabric‑based. It works because it looks like room divider, no tip risk, still removeable if you need to redecorate. However the oldest will struggle if she wants to study in her room, but then again she would in a box room. GoDear Design Room Dividers Screen 116 cm-218 cm W x Up to 243 cm H, Extendable 4 Panel Sliding Track Privacy Screens Hanging Room Divider, BedRoom Panel Screens, Partition Room Divider Curtains, Mica : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen
2. A 4‑year‑old girl sharing with a 16‑year‑old step‑brother would raise safeguarding concerns with any professional. The age gap, opposite sexes, and step‑sibling relationship make it unsuitable. It’s not technically illegal, but it’s absolutely not considered appropriate.
3. Or the other option, is the eldest needs the box room, is for you to share a double room with the youngest girl, Dad shares a double room with the boy and the eldest girl gets the box room.
4. Any chance of a loft extension or garage conversion?

So sorry to hear your update OP about losing 2 children. x

You say lost ? Not sure if mean a son and daughter died ? If so then very sorry for your loss’s

or that they are your children from a pre jobs relationship and went with their dad

It’s not appropriate for a 4 year old to share with either of them. I’d say options are:

Split the biggest room into two with some sort of divide for the two girls.

A sofa bed in living room for adults with all children in their own room.

The little one in with you when siblings come to stay.

All these posters saying the ones who aren’t there all the time shouldn’t get their own room, well if that is also the attitude at their mums then they don’t have any room

Anything for her partner, eh. As long as he's happy, anything goes.

I'm thinking OP had two children girl and boy from previous relationship.
Dh has two children girl and boy from previous relationship.

Then op and DH have a child together.
10 days out of 30 is more than every weekend.

Your 4 year old needs to share with you.

Im confused! So you previously had 5 children in a 4 bed house? How was the sleeping configuration then?

Haven’t RTFT but sounds like for 5 nights out of 15 your partner shares with his son and you share with your daughter.
when they aren’t there you can go into the sons bed (maybe you can push them together).
the box room is his daughters

then nobody is sharing with someone of the opposite sex or someone they aren’t related to by blood!

edit - I meant a full blood sibling of the same sex! Also I now see that the OP has landed on something similar

This is it!

If DD can’t share with you then next best option is one SC in the lounge on a sofa bed. The most sensible option would probably be to rent a 4 bed until the children are older/moved out. Those ages/genders do not work for sharing rooms.

Boy in the box room. Larger bedroom is shared between the girls, with 4 year old sleeping in with you when 18 year old is there. Get good storage so 4 year old's clobber is stowed away out of sight when 18 year old is there (perhaps keep clothes in your room and most toys downstairs anyway), and 4 year old can't get into 18 year old's things.

OP has said a number of times they can't afford 4 bedrooms, hence their problem 🙄

You need to divide your living room into half living room/half bedroom. You and your DH take the living room. Give all three children their rooms upstairs.

You take the hit. None of the children asked for this.

I agree this is the best solution.

4yo being turned out of her room is not appropriate.

I'm sure she's struggling with trauma and instability with the koss of her siblings, she needs the consistency of her own room and space.

DSS in box with his gaming system.
DD4 in 2nd bedroom
You in master, when DSD stays you decamp to sofabed.

You are in control of this situation, you have power and control 4yo does not. Her stability trumps yours.

If DSD sees herself moving in full time then her in box room and DSS on sofa bed with games console. Since he is allowed to stay up to early hours playing which he shouldn't be but whatever, trying to work with you.

Primary objective, 4yo has her own room.

Can DH not count?
He has outbred his housing capacity.

Parents
dd4
Step daughter and own older daughter
step son and ow older son

Well only after the o.p was asked what it was, when the suggestions weren't going her way

This

Can you find a three bedroom house with two reception rooms? E.g. a living room and dining room.

Either eldest DD or DS can have a downstairs room with a day bed so the space can be used a bit when they are not there.

Such misogyny considering o.p has allowed this to happen and didnt have an objection until post 10 or something...

Are you able to put a small home office/bedroom thing in the garden for one of the teens/convert a garage?

if not I think the idea of two double bed with bunk on top - one for your room and one for the double room for the girls. Your daughter moves in with you when the teens are there. Not ideal for a 4 year old but not the worst either.

Separate and apply for social housing/mid market rental

Such misogyny since the o.o has said this is happening already and obviously she let it happen