Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

His kids aren’t at yours all the time, it is your DD’s home and therefore she should have her own room and trump the other two. They are teens, the 18 year old an adult. If it comes to putting the 18 year old in a room
and the 16 year old downstairs on a put up bed then what else can you do?

I know it’s not helpful!! But why oh why don’t people consider this before blending families?

OP I don’t think it’s fair to make the 18 year old or the 16 year old share with a 4 year old. I really don’t know what to tell you.

Can you split any of the rooms. Biggest room gets split in 2 and you take a small room with your partner?

Have one room for the stepchildren, with a bed each, but they don't stay over at the same time.

I’m not being argumentative so don’t take this the wrong way. We had a good start to married life, set up with children in a 4 bed with (with appropriate sleeping arrangements). However we couldn’t predict future unfortunate tragic circumstances and now trying to make the best with what we’re left with.

I see someone else had the same inspiration, sorry I diced in before reading the full thread.

Sorry OP are you saying two of your other children have passed away or do you mean lost custody?

OP what do you mean 'lost'?

Whatever you mean that sounds awful 💐

I am very sorry to hear about your other children. But if the children have lost siblings it’s even more important to make sure that they feel secure in their house and not being pushed out. The house you are looking at really doesn’t seem appropriate- 18ish miles from school (unless I misunderstood) and nowhere for them all to sleep.

Regarding the room set up, I would ask DSD if she would rather have the room (largest one) set up with divided space for her and DD to share. Ikea Kallax units are good for doing this or a bunk bed where you board up one side on the bottom and the other at the top so each has half the room. The alternative option is DD has the smaller room which DSD uses when she stays and DD has a pull out bed in your room for those days. Ask DSD which option she prefers of those.

4 year old 100% NEEDS her own room in this situation. Your DH needs to work the rest out amongst his almost adult children

what do you mean lost? Yours or his or both? What happened with the house?

Sorry to hear about your other children.
But that means you had 5 kids in a 4bed, who slept where?

@Lost4Madness The 4 year old will have to sleep in with you when the older two are there - there's no appropriate combination of sharing between the children.

How on earth is it not appropriate for an 18 year old woman to share a room with a 4 year old girl?

@Needspaceforlego
DSS and DS shared
DD’s (x2) shared
DSD own room
DH/me own room… if that makes sense!

This should have Ben discussed and sorted before 2 families attempt to share one house which clearly doesn't have enough bedrooms. Why move in together? What's the obsession of causing more stress in a household when you don't even have enough bedrooms?

They aren't two families, the thread title is misleading.

OP seems to have had several kids with her partner. He had 2 from a previous relationship.

Sounds like he's the dad to all 5, therefore they're half siblings, not step siblings. Not a blended family as such.

Sounds like they've all been living together for years.

I’m lost

Does that mean he's thinking DSD always had her own room, so should continue to have her own room?

The DSS and DD have shared before so they should just share again?

I'm guessing its been a fire or car accident, at which point all of you must have some level of trauma.

There isn't an easy answer. But I think the solution has to be a sofa bed, for you both when the other kids are home and one of the kids takes your room

How far away does the step children’s DM live? Can DD not learn to drive and just visit, returning to her other home in the evenings? You could get a sofa bed in the living room for occasions that she wants to stay over. She won’t want to live with you for long, she’ll want to be out with friends, boyfriends, work mates etc. An 18 year old that can drive does not need two homes.

It would still take a while for an 18yo to get a theory slot, and then get a test slot. It could be over a year before she passes esp if she fails first time.
Plus car insurance isn't going to be cheap for 18 yo

You don’t just chuck an 18 year old still doing a levels out of your house because they are 18

Why is she sharing with a boy/brother when she could share with her older sister

Have you seen the bunk beds that have a double at the bottom and a single on top? One of those in your room for when 4 year old is there. And perhaps the same or just bunk beds in a girls room. Persuade 4 year old that top bunk is best.

You need to:
a) rent a 4 bed house
b) buy a 4 bed in a cheaper area / ex council?
c) buy somewhere you can convert the attic

Still not OK, but DD4 is their shared child.