Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

Then he shouldn't have had more kids if he couldn't afford to adequately house his original family.

OP could probably engineer it so that her daughter stays on different nights, though. He doesn’t sound like he’d go for 50/50 as he doesn’t really care about his youngest, just the oldest.

I think the 16 year old boy, taking exams for the next couple of years at least, should have a private space for sleeping and studying. A sofa bed in a shared living space doesn’t really cut it.

The issue here is that the OP and her husband have brought a third child into their blended family that they can’t afford to adequately house. They need to focus on providing all the children of the family with the space they need. This might mean renting a 4bed house while they save to afford to buy something similar. Banking on the 18 year old living independently all year round from leaving school on is very risky - the jobs market is dire for young people and salaries are low, meaning she’s unlikely to be able to afford her own living accommodation even if she doesn’t go to university and works full time. If she does, she will be home for long holidays. The onus here should be on the parents to cede bedrooms to the children in their care, so they should be moving to the sofa bed.

Biggest bedroom in house is divided into two spaces with a large kallax unit or similar. The two Dds have their own single beds and chest of drawers etc.
When big DD is there, little DD sleeps in with you (which she will love). This means everyone has their own area with their personal effects but no-one shares.

DH sleeps on the sofa and 4 year old shares with you.

That is so inappropriate!

What is wrong with you both?

Didn't you discuss any of this before getting married?

Even worse!!

A 4 year old girl absolutely CANNOT share with a 15 year old boy and it's worrying your DH thinks that's okay!

Not RTFT but the solution is obvious. DSS and DH in one bedroom. DSD gets her own room. OP and DD share.

They're only here a few days a month.
DH can jolly well share with his son and you can with your daughter.
Ridiculous to even suggest that a 4 year old girl shares with her 16 year old brother!
Otherwise he can cough up the money from wherever he wants.

This is a good idea. I'd go with that

I would be looking on line for ideas on how to split the largest room, lots of ideas on dividers etc then the two girls share that with the boy in the box room

Toys etc would have to be stored downstairs.

I would be looking on line for ideas on how to split the largest room, lots of ideas on dividers etc then the two girls share that with the boy in the box room

Toys etc would have to be stored downstairs.

All you need for sexual abuse to happen is opportunity.

Absolutely disgusting parenting.

Double sofa bed in lounge. You and dh sleep on it when his kids stay.

Is there a garage you can convert? How big is the garden?

Your 4 year old needs her own room. She should not be in a room with a 16 year old boy.
the fact that your husband won’t engage in discussion, won’t consider it inappropriate or come up with better solutions is a huge red flag to me. I would not be buying this house as it’s not suitable for my needs.
I feel so sorry for this young girl who is sidelined in her own house

Reading between.lines 18 yr old DD will not visit unless she has her own room.
Given that DH cannot change this & wants to retain the relationship I would do dd18 in box room.
2 single beds in one of bigger bedrooms. Most of the time this is dd4's room. When ds visits he & DH share & you & dd4 share.

This is not ideal but the best of a bad situation. Current set up cannot continue

I think the husband is trying to subordinate or get rid of the op's son, he's doing this by insisting that he is put in a position where he could be accused of behaving inappropriately.

Their older teens they won’t always want to stay at the same time. Why can’t they both use the boxroom if staying separately. If they’re both staying your dd could go in with you.

The son is the DH’s

Well then, unless DH comes up with a better solution, you share bedroom one with DD4 in two twin beds, DH shares bedroom two with DS164 in two twin beds, and DD18 has the box room.

Let's see how quickly DH changes his tune!!

4 bed house is a NEED here and you're going to have to compromise on other things to afford it. Or find a 3 bed with a middle size bedroom that fits you two, and a big bedroom that would split to make 2 rooms. The teens are too old to share mixed sex or share with a 4 year old.

Another story of 2 grown adults putting their romantic wants over the needs of their children. I feel sorry for all the kids involved here. If you cant afford a 4 bed, you shouldn't have moved in together.

The obvious solution is to rent a 4 bedroom house. I'm surprised no one has suggested this. Once 18 year old goes to uni or works full-time and pays board she might at some point want to share a house with her friends. You could buy a house then. I'd tell DH he comes up with a sensible solution not including putting your 4 year old DD at risk sharing with a 16 year old boy then that's what will be happening.

I suggested this