Could you forgive a relative for a malicious social services report?

[TheLastDragons]

I’ve been thinking about something that happened years ago and wondered what other people’s views are.

Could you forgive a close family member who reported you to social services and by forgive, I mean stay in contact and still have them in your life?

For context, in this situation the report was completely malicious and unfounded. There were no safeguarding concerns about the children, and social services found nothing to support what was said and luckily I could disprove what had been said. The person who made the report never gave a proper explanation and initially denied doing it. They only admitted it when they were confronted with proof but it left me a long time not being able to trust people close to me and wondering who could have done it.

It also wasn’t a misunderstanding or someone acting out of genuine concern it genuinely seemed intended to cause harm, and possibly even to make it look like someone else had made the report, this is what I suspect was the intention.

Years later I still sometimes think about it and wonder how others would feel in that situation. Would you be able to forgive and move past it enough to keep that person in your life, or would it be a line that couldn’t be uncrossed?

@marcyhermit can you give a scenario in which it’s OK to wake your toddler, put them in their buggy, walk through the snow about a mile to the supermarket, at 2am, in a not particularly nice area, as a lone woman, just to buy vodka? Not nappies, not food, not milk, not torch batteries, not a phone charger or credit. Just vodka. What extra detail would make that acceptable?

With no in depth explanation or heartfelt apology, there is no chance I would entertain a relationship with that person. They harbour deep seated bad feeling towards you.

What difference does it make what they are buying?
It's starting to sound like you just don't like your cousin and wanted to make trouble.

Yes, this resonates. I realised, after several decades, that my mother harboured deep-seated resentment towards me.

Thank you for asking, they don't believe her. She can't understand where her moneys gone, despite spending £4,800 a month on carers, and thinks I've spent it all.

@marcyhermit are you serious? Do you not understand the relevance of buying alcohol in this situation?

If they didn't give a reason and act genuinely sorry, no.
Let's say they had a serious medical condition (a coworker with a brain tumour was acting "odd" and reported people for nothing, not that I'm saying that's as serious as safeguarding complaints obviously), they had treatment, and could explain their actions, then fine.
If there was a chance they were genuinely mistaken, but apologised and did all they could to make up, fine.
Otherwise, I would only go along with meeting if not doing so would hurt other family, and even then, I would be careful.

You are trying to imply you work in social services or a closely related industry, but clearly have no idea what youre talking about.

Malicious reports to social services with no truth to them are very high indeed.

If a parent woke a child to take them to the supermarket at 2am as a one off, even for alcohol, when they were usually capable and loving- that wouldn't be a high enough bar for involvement beyond checking the family situation either.

@AutumnAllTheWay sadly you’re right, it wasn’t a high enough bar, so my cousin’s child went on to have years of neglect by his alcoholic mother.

You did not convey any of this in your previous posts oddly.

If true then of course the right thing to do would be to report the family.