To cut a long story short, my son moved out and went to live with dad, grandma, 2 aunties, aunties boyfriend and a newborn last year. This is not a court ordered arrangement, no social services involvement etc. Child wanted to live with dad and as he has parental responsibility he is allowed by law to keep him and not return him if he doesn’t want to. Dad refuses any contact with me and grandma has taken over - she arranges visits with me, she takes care of him whilst dad works etc. she removed him from the school he was at since pre-school with me, and changed his school.
Recently she took him out of school and is ‘home educating’. After speaking to my child he’s told me that he does no form of education whatsoever. When I text to see him, she often tells me he’s ’still In bed’ at 11 and 12 in the afternoon. He comes to visit me looking exhausted and dishevelled, tells me he’s been awake until 2am on the PlayStation. He spends his entire life on games and has no education. Dad doesn’t bother with him. I weighed him as I noticed he had gained considerable weight since moving there, he now weighs 66kg at just 9 years old, which is morbidly obese. Any time I collect him, he’s got multiple bags of sweets and McDonald’s, so it’s clear why he’s this weight. They have no control over him, let him do anything, stay up all night, eat junk, swear, play violent games.
During the last visit to me, his little brother dropped a teddy behind someone’s fence. My eldest proceeded to kick and punch at the fence to get it open. I told him to stop as he was going to break it and get me into trouble, and to instead knock on the door and ask politely for access. His response was to tell me to ‘shut the f* up’. I asked gran to collect him and told her what he had said and she started laughing.
I rang ss last week as I’m concerned for his weight and education. My mum also rang them as she’s recently seen him herself and is concerned about him in their care. They said they have sent a letter to dad to offer ‘optional support’ and contacted the education board to do a check. Yesterday they called me back after I emailed them further evidence of his junk diet and gaming. She told me it had all been screened and allegedly does not require social services intervention. I am absolutely raging beyond belief.
I can’t keep him myself when he comes here, as he will just run away back to dads, and dad can keep him and not return him once again. He prefers living with dad as there’s no rules or restrictions and he can do whatever the hell he wants.
Im concerned for his health, he is very clearly at high risk for diabetes, heart issues amongst other things. He’s got no future job prospects or chance of any GCSE’s when he does no learning. His attitude and behaviour is uncontrollable. There’s essentially no hope for his future while he’s living there. Police have refused to do a welfare check on the child on 2 ocassions. He does not see a GP, go to school etc so there’s nobody in a safeguarding position to check on him at all. His last school even refused to give information to me about why he was removed, despite me having PR and legal right to his education records. I have been dismissed, refused information on my own child, and treated appallingly throughout this whole saga. He had terrible attendance at the school he went to with me, because gran was having him 3 nights per week at that point and would often keep him off because ‘he didn’t want to go in’. The school had also refused to allow me to collect him and handed him to grandma instead who has no legal rights. My child told me when he first moved out he ‘wasn’t allowed’ to talk to me. I walked round the whole of town with my 3 year old, going to every school near his home to find him. Eventually I found what school he was at, I called them, they confirmed he went there so I walked up to see him. The school had called GRANDMA and had her waiting in reception when I arrived, forced me to have a meeting with her and refused me to see my son, all the while dad has no involvement in any of this. I am utterly appalled at how I’ve been treated by every single agency. My child was never took off me, I have no issues with drink or drugs, never hit him, never emotionally abused him etc, no cause for concerns at my house. Just a strict routine of bed time at 8pm, no fizzy drinks, no junk food, must attend school etc and apparently this is bad parenting on my behalf to the point I’ve been treated like a criminal.
sorry for the long post but I wanted to get this off my chest.