12 yr olds friends parents messaging my child

[Upschittscreek1]

Hi, just putting this out there to see if this is normal or not? My 12 year old has a friend whom they spend some time with at their friends house quite a lot. This friends parent texts my child, is this weird? I don't like the idea of a grown adult messaging a child who isn't theirs? Is this normal? I wouldn't dream of messaging one of my children's friends even if I knew them well? my child is on the spectrum and so quite young for their age, I am also neurodivergent so not sure if I am overreacting? People's views would be good

Bollocks.

Your child would ask them if they had left their headphones. You don’t need to get involved. The OP has already said that both children have phones.

Just get some snacks. Or not. Don’t buy snacks that kids might not be allowed! Just buy ordinary snacks like popcorn.

You’re not overreacting OP. That is not appropriate. Block her number on his phone and encourage him to liaise with his friend directly. If she keeps doing it then you may need to deal with it directly - there is no easy way - but please know that you are absolutely justified in the way you feel. Teach your son not to respond to messages if he doesn’t want to. It’s a really important life lesson that you don’t have to respond to everyone who messages you…you can ignore, delete or block.

This scenario really doesn’t surprise me though. A lot of people lack boundaries so teaching your son about boundaries is going to be valuable here.

Bizarrely I’ve had my dds friend message me last night. I’m not comfortable with it so ignored the messages. I asks dd if she gave her my number and she said no but thinks she’s taken it off her mums phone. But you can clearly see I haven’t messaged back. There’s no need for her to message me.

Grooming, block the parent, tell them to back off.

I’d send (from your phone to hers)

Hi Jane, just FYI, I’m deleting your number from Sam’s phone. Just let the boys communicate between themselves from now on, ok? He is a little bit weirded out (as am I and his father) by texts declaring ‘you care for him.’ Sarah.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

My child would not be allow to hang out with yours.

Or you’d text the mum surely for young teens

’Hi Sarah I think Timmy has left his headphones round ours’
’Hope it’s still OK for him to come for movie night. Does he like popcorn? Is he allowed chocolate?’

Absolutely not overreacting. Deeply weird and unsettling.
Block her number. If you must tell her I would say 'I'm blocking your number as we do not allow adults to communicate with DS in this way'. Then block.

Even if there's no sinister intent the women has no boundaries and no sense of propriety.

Yes, weird. My dc are now Yr 7 & 9 so arrange everything with their friends, us mums might confirm plans with each other, sort lifts etc, but I would not contact dc's friends direct, unless some kind of emergency...although I doubt I have their numbers anyway!

Needs must! 🤣

Yeh, red flags all over this.

ND or not, you need to be putting a stop to this now.

Yanbu i wouldn't even want my kid going round there if she is messaging him we care about you thats so weird. Are they English? Just checking its not a culture thing

I thought the same.
If I was uncomfortable about a parent messaging my child, which I would be, I would be more concerned about my child visiting them.

Hmm, no that doesn't sit right either.
Surely you'd just get stuff in - popcorn and a few tubes of Pringles or whatever?!
As for the headphones - you text the parent to say "Johnny left his headphones here, do you want to pick them up or we can drop them off later?"
No need to involve the kid.

It depends what they are texting.

Not normal and not appropriate IMO

It’s not normal, no. I personally would message back saying it’s from you and ask them to message you directly (give your number) if for any reason they need to be in touch. And then block them.

We did have this. There is an absolute wanker of a dad in my dc’s year (they are Y8 now) who has a habit of sending threatening messages to any children who seem to upset his precious spawn. Dd was a witness to his child racially abusing another child at school and reported him. He sent an abusive threatening message to dd (got her number from his dc’s phone) and we had to get the police involved for harassment. He and the child are now both blocked, but really nothing good can come from it.

I have never messaged any of my dc’s friends, nor do I have their numbers, nor would I ever want to. What if I accidentally sent them an inappropriate photo or something? That would be a very serious mistake. Not that I send anyone inappropriate photos! But I wouldn’t even want to take the risk

Nope. One of DDs friends messaged me when she had forgotten her phone. Only time I would have contact with a child.

It's not appropriate and I would not let my child go over there anymore, either. If they want to hang out the other kid can come to your house.

Nope. This is why I tell my kids that adults are not friends with children. Full stop. Outside of aunts and uncles, adults are never friends with children!

Absolutely not appropriate. I would block her number and would not be letting him go over there.

“Hi X. How are you? Just texting to make sure you have my number. I check ds’s phone regularly and he has a blanket ban on not contacting any non-family adults directly without asking me first, so I would be really grateful if you could support us in this. Many thanks….” Then block her from your ds’s phone.

One of my DDs friends mum used to do this. It was super weird because if my DD and friend had fallen out her mum would text DD and ask what had happened and then give her DD a punishment. It was just kids having an argument, never any violence or bullying.
This was from 11 -13. I asked her three times to stop texting DD but she didn't listen.
DDs friend moved in with dad and the messages stopped but there was a lot of stuff going on the the family.

My friend’s mum used to facebook message me sometimes, but it was normally along the lines of “Are you with DD? If you are tell her to answer her phone please.” And stuff like that. I don’t think it’s always weird, but from your updates this does sound a bit odd…

I think it is inapropriate. We had once a child texting complete bullshit to my husband's phone. It was not even an invite or asking for a playdate. I replied to the child to give back the phone to her mother and the mother hated me then and there for life. As like though I cared for any of these bitches