12 yr olds friends parents messaging my child

[Upschittscreek1]

Hi, just putting this out there to see if this is normal or not? My 12 year old has a friend whom they spend some time with at their friends house quite a lot. This friends parent texts my child, is this weird? I don't like the idea of a grown adult messaging a child who isn't theirs? Is this normal? I wouldn't dream of messaging one of my children's friends even if I knew them well? my child is on the spectrum and so quite young for their age, I am also neurodivergent so not sure if I am overreacting? People's views would be good

I’d rip her a new one. Tell her it’s inappropriate and you’ve blocked and deleted her number from your sons phone.

That’s very kind of you. They’re both lucky to have you.

Not appropriate at all. My neighbour’s 15yo does a bit of cat sitting for me and I asked her first if she was happy for me to contact him direct about future arrangements. As an adult who has done safeguarding training I would never open a direct or private channel of communication with an unrelated child without checking with the parent and only then for a particular reason.

An adult should never be texting a child like this. My DD is 12, and either she texts her friends or I text their mums. I would never text one of her friends directly.

The only occasion I could think when this might happen would be an absolute emergency.

When my son and his old friend (whose family moved away) started taking the train to visit each other, we all swapped each other's mobile numbers for safety, and now sometimes I send him messages like on his birthday, or I might send a funny photo of my child to him or something about a subject I know he is interested in. I have to admit though that his family and our family are good old friends and often all spend time on holiday all together so we are all more closely involved with each other's children.

Hi Tracey, thanks for having Charlie for tea on Friday. We've been talking to Charlie about phone safety. We've asked him to make sure he only messages similar aged friends he knows in person, and not adults (even if he knows them). I have seen that you have sent him a few messages directly on his phone. Would you mind messaging me if you want to pass on a message to Charlie? Mobile phone safety is such an important topic, so we really want the boundaries we've set to be clear for him."

No. I wouldn’t say it was normal. I am neutral with my children’s friends. What is the parent sending??

DS had a friend like that. Unless it was his mum organising playdates or sleepovers, they wouldn’t happen. That kid was useless at making plans, so the mum was stepping in all the time. She didn’t text me, she would text DS,

I message my 14 year old friends- we joke they are all my besties. Not regularly just if I need something or we are all going out somewhere together. I’ve also told them that if they are ever stuck for a lift then they message me and never walk.

Massively depending on what they sent. Odd happy birthday, fine. A congratulations becauae the kids did well in sports day etc, fine. Even remind your mum you need your skates/swim stuff/etc when we pick you up on saturday would be cool.

But anything regular id feel uncomfortable about.

No. Remove the phone and block the parents number. I don’t know if I’d be comfortable with him even going round there again

If you don't want another adult texting YOUR CHILD, tell them to stop! 🙄

I message my 14 year old friends- we joke they are all my besties.
Yeah sorry, but that's weird as well.

your second post with an update confirms that’s not normal. I’ve never texted my DDs friends and I think you should put a hard stop to it by blocking her number on your sons phone

Very odd and concerning.

I'm an ND mum with Nd kids, I probably don't need to point it out to you op but I will anyway for anyone else reading, Nd kids are even more vulnerable and statistically more likely to be abused/groomed.

I'd send the mum a message saying you are encouraging the kids to make their own communications/arrangements but she is welcome to message you directly if she needs to confirm anything.

I'd also chat to my child and explain this isn't normal behaviour, and that he is no longer to reply to the mum but to show you any messages he receives.

If the parent continued texting my child after I'd asked them not to I'd be blocking them on my child's phone.

Also, I'd be much less inclined to let my child spend time in this family's home going forward meet ups would be at mine.

Flashbacks of those pre-mobile 90s (ok, only rich people had them then) when you had to ring friends on a landline, and there was always a couple of friends whose parents would talk to you for ages before putting your mate on. I personally hated that, but I'm not saying there was anything wrong or twisted about it.
A lot of parents are very against pre teens having a phone, so this might be why? They might have read all about the dangers of phones for teenagers, like about bullying etc. A lot of people think smartphones should be banned for under 16s, and they might not even want their son having a dumbphone. This is the most obvious reason that comes to mind.

Creepy af. I wouldn’t let my child in their house ever again.

Omg you are not reacting enough! I would cut all contact tbh. Block her number and delete it.

There have been a couple of threads like this where some older person love bombs the child (not always romantically) and then they end up living with them and brainwashed into thinking their real family was evil etc. very scary… this seems like a grooming situation for something like that.

Weird and not in anyway normal!

@Upschittscreek1 I’m somewhat perplexed by anyone who would block a parents number whilst still letting their child go round to that adults house for play dates? Either you trust the woman or you don’t and if your child is continuing to socialise with this family then you need to step up contact and get to know this other family face to face , not remove options to communicate with them! It’s not unheard of for adults to care about their children’s friends ,particularly in circumstances where their children’s friends come from homes that may be less than ideal, and children do confide in adults they trust sometimes precisely because they aren’t their parents. But as you don’t know if this is the reason or if that parent is crossing a line and showing worrying behaviour , then you need to get to know them or only have play dates in neutral locations or at your house!

Blocking the parent on the child’s phone. Not OP’s phone. She would still be able to communicate but in a normal adult to adult way. I would consider stopping play dates at their house as well though.

I message my 14 year old friends- we joke they are all my besties.

🤣

"You guys keep me young, love ya!"
💋😘
lol

Very weird, I always messaged parents of there was a query or was trying to sort a meet up for dd.

My dd is 19 now and my friend still messages me to ask if dd is available to babysit her kids 🙈😂 i said you can message her directly now!