12 yr olds friends parents messaging my child

[Upschittscreek1]

Hi, just putting this out there to see if this is normal or not? My 12 year old has a friend whom they spend some time with at their friends house quite a lot. This friends parent texts my child, is this weird? I don't like the idea of a grown adult messaging a child who isn't theirs? Is this normal? I wouldn't dream of messaging one of my children's friends even if I knew them well? my child is on the spectrum and so quite young for their age, I am also neurodivergent so not sure if I am overreacting? People's views would be good

Absolutely not OK, if DC wanted a friend to sleepover and they didn't want to organise it themselves then I'd text the parents not the friend's. Even most of our relatives don't have DC's phone numbers.

I dunno she sounds over involved in her child's life or her child is lazy to arrange things so asks her to do it?
I messaged my friends parents a few times as a teen but mostly it was politeness, thanking for a lift or meal, or if their dc phone wasn't working or out of credit lol. Usually they'd get the dc to text back from mums phone but write the message themselves.

With my best best friend I also had texts wishing happy birthday and so on back and forth- and still do ! I love my best friends mum and still chat. Some mums do take you in as an extra kid sometimes. But it is also not very nice you've asked her not to and she's done it anyway.

Any other weird vibes? What does your dc say when you ask why they've texted the mum instead of the friend?

Has the mum texted your son back after you said to her that you didn’t want her to?

I appreciate that your DS sent her a message, but she really should have responded to you after you had made the boundary clear.

If she has been messaging knowing your view, then I would be annoyed. I would probably block her number and send her a message just giving her the heads up that you were just having to enforce your preferences on DCs phone. Can make it polite and cheery to not cause issues, but still making it clear that it wasn’t appropriate.

Yep. Odd.

I like the idea of you replying every time or DC replying to his friends phone each time though so she doesn't get a proper reply any more

I don't think I have ever messaged one of my DC's friends.
DS's BFF messaged me after Prom to say DS was very drunk but ok, which I didn't really want to know at 2am

You are not overreacting at all. The parent shouldn’t even have your child’s contact details. I helped a few of my DD’s friends with their statements so they were pretty much adults but I didn’t contact any of them directly because it’s not appropriate.

Yes, you should delete her number. You need to advocate for your child. I don’t think,I’d be that enthusiastic about him going over there to be honest.

Your DC goes over to her friends house and you have no contact with the friends parents but the friends parents text your DC and I gather from your post on MN, you haven’t spoken to your DC and asked “why does Alice’s/John’s parent text
you” or something on those lines.

I think it is inappropriate. It maybe harmless but this adult has crossed a level of boundaries and is oblivious to the fact that you may find it inappropriate.

Does anyone on here text their DCs friends?

I was 50 50 as I used to chat with my BFF's teenage child but we had a lot in common, both geeks. When you got to "I care about you" I was NOPE that;s not right

Tell her not to do this and then block her number on his phone if she is unable to stick to a boundary. ‘I care about you’! That’s very very odd to text someone else’s child. I do in fact care about some of my DCs longstanding friends who I have known since primary school but I would never text them to tell them so. My DD would be horrified at the notion of me doing that.

I wouldn't delete her number because she can still access your DS if she so chooses to. I'd block her and tell her that you've done it instead.

I was trying to think if DH or I has ever done this and remembered a few specific things like helping with a work experience placement or about a lift if they are with my DC and mines phone had died but just out of the blue definitely not.

Not normal at all. Big red flag

You need to get more confident with confrontation. It’s your job as a parent to protect your child and confrontation is sadly sometimes part of that. The messaging is weird and unnecessary. You do whatever it necessary to stop it.

It could be that they want to be clear that the invitation is approved by them too. But I agree. It's a bit odd. The parent should call you up to confirm, and let the girls chat between themselves.

Adults should not be messaging other peoples children. Their messages don't sound normal either reading your posts. Tell them to only message you in future.

If I found a friends parent was doing that, I'd block the number on the phone.

I've had friends parents message me asking to pass on messages, which is a lot more appropriate!

"I care about you"... that is strange.
No, I've never texted any of my children's friends. Nope.

If they spend a lot of time at each other's houses why would the parent not know what snacks the child was allowed or liked? To me that would be a completely unnecessary text/phone communication.

You might ask the parent that once if they'd never been round your house before. Or just ask verbally when you saw them.

Wildy inappropriate. Your instinct that this is weird is spot on.
Parent might just lack boundaries but it's red flag behaviour and I'd put a stop to it.

Not appropriate at all.

if she feels the need to arrange things with your DS on behalf of her child she does it through you, otherwise leave the kids to arrange for themselves. I’d be very uncomfortable with this

That is seriously inappropriate, and even before reading your update I thought it was because you don't go texting your 12 year old's friends.. You'd communicate via the parent rather than the child.
On asking if wanting to come over - it's going over the parents head. What if they had something planned?
As for "I care about you" - no. Just no. Inappropriate.

No, it's strange. Especially the I care about you. Do the boys text each other? I'm just wondering if her son has a communication difficulty.

edited to add, if the latter, as a mum I would not text the child but the parent.

It's pretty odd. I would also want to know if she does this with any other of her child's friends.

Messaging "I care about you" is really quite strange. Why does she feel the need to say that?

OP, trust your instincts.