MIL over stepping boundaries

[CMC13]

Looking on opinions on what you would do. My partners mum has been told multiple times no kissing the babies. There's been a lot of falling out over this and other things with her manipulating my partner by trying to get her own way. The girls are 5 months (4 corrected). I don't want kissing with them being young this time of year with rsv and the flu around. She came over in the week after having a massive falling out over the weekend (over text with my partner) he said he would let the dust settle for a while and for once he was actually taking my side and supporting me. Then she came over because she wanted to 3 days later....she then starts kissing the babies feet. She knows we've said NO kissing whether it be anywhere on the body! I told my partner she's still crossing boundaries and his reply was "It was only the feet". Yes but once she thinks she can get away with one thing, it'll be the face again next. My family dont kiss them anywhere as I've asked them not to. I've had enough of all the arguments and her not taking me seriously. She knows I have postpartum/health anxiety and social anxiety so dont like conflict. What would you do in this situation? I feel like she's only going to get worse if she can get away with small things. I feel backed in a corner with it all, like I have no control on protecting my babies and like I have a constant black cloud over my head.

They're 5 months not newborns .
This clearly is about something else entirely and as I suspected the kissing is being used as a weapon .
Unless you want to divulge what the real issue is op then this thread is pointless .
You are being unreasonable over the your og post.
If you feel so strongly about your MIL you should talk to your partner who obviously has the full facts and discuss where you go from here weather that's low contact or no contact .

Posts like this make me really sad. I have three grown children, and I hope so much to live long enough to see grandchildren someday. I dream of the day I’ll get to hold them, hug them, and breathe in that sweet newborn scent. It would break my heart if I weren’t allowed to be near them.

I didnt say she wasn't allowed to see or hold them. I politely asked no kissing them at the moment.

Hey gal, there are a lot of insensitive comments here. I too have postpartum anxiety, I am in therapy and doing the work etc. My baby was also a premmie baby and I had 6 miscarriages prior to him. He is 4 months and 2 corrected and I still will not allow anyone to kiss baby anywhere no questions about it. Do nit feel guilt for protecting your babies at all! Rsv doesn't just effect newborns they effect all babies. Plus a premature babys as im sure yiu are well aware immune system is always going to be behind until 2 years corrected, premies are more common to pick uo infections and a harding time fighting. Yes the anxiety is real but trust your gut and don't ever feel guilty for doing what you feel is right for yiur babies

OP im thinking your s young mum or just not very mature. What happened to be kind. Karma will get you double you must know yhis

I'm quite aware of that. A professional doctor said their immune systems are a month behind because they were born a month early, therefore really they're 4 months corrected. Twins are more prone to picking up infections too. Ffs a weapon. No she genuinely kept kissing them crossing a boundary. How come some people on here have the common sense to understand what I am trying to say and others are completely making up their own stories. Its not my fault some of you can't understand.

OK so you're being a little OTT with the feet, but at the end of the day she should be respecting you as their mother. I had post partum anxiety as well and this would have really annoyed me. So many germs around at this time of year too.

MIL issues aside, I hope this fear doesn't mean you're not kissing your beautiful babies. I honestly never considered this as am issue but would love to have my in-laws show any interest or be any support at all. Both my babies were kissed by others to no ill effect. Hope you feel more at ease soon 💐

I think this nails it.

Post-partum issues aside, MIL is well-placed to be aware of potential health problems at this time of year, particularly with very young children. Cold sores can cause huge health repercussions with young babies, and more so when they are potentially immunocompromised.
The overstepping and ignoring boundaries is a massive deal.

However, once winter is over, then perhaps reviewing the matter would be of use - especially as OP is having therapy and will hopefully have been able to review some of the causes of anxiety.

Why did you post on here op ?
For validation ? For a MIL bashing session ?
You said yourself your partner- the girls father -is ok with the feet kissing , it's up to you and him to figure it out isn't it .
There are obviously more deep rooted issues here with you and his mother ,,I think her kissing your baby's feet is nitpicking and ridiculous, deal with the root issue .
You clearly hate your MIL without further information I can't say if that's justified or not .

Looking after the health of my babies?! Yeah ok, then if that's the case I'll be the most horrible person in the world if that means keeping them safe. No I'm not young or immature, thanks for your judge though. How about you be kind? Lol Karma for what exactly?!

Thank you. Its nice having another mum who actually understands and wants to keep their babies safe as much as I do. I'll keep strong with my boundaries until I feel like it's safe. Thank you again x

No for helpful advice, not abuse. Just because people are saying its too much i never said I'd stop the boundaries either. Not bashing, just telling truth. This is the problem. The root issue is yes feet ok, but next week it'll be the face as she has no self control once we let her get away with a minor thing.

I’m with you op, she outlght to defer to you as the mother and respect this totally reasonable boundary, especially given that you are following medical advice and your children are premature. So of course it’s going to stress you out and inevitably you’re not going to like her, that’s hardly your fault. But one thing I will say is stop arguing with people on here, you’ve got plenty of people backing you up, but it’s obviously a divisive issue with plenty of people bringing their grandmotherly anxiety into the conversation and projecting it at you. if I was you I would turn notifications off and just relax now.
there’s a great book you may find helpful https://amzn.eu/d/9CHnO98

Hideous? That's a horrible word to use about your children's grandmother, isn't it? Just remember those babies carry her DNA. They may look like her when they're older.
It just looks to me as though it's a battle of wills. She can see no harm in kissing the babies' feet but you just want her to do as she's told. Save your rules for times when they're really needed.

If you and your partner think she’s so hideous and will keep refusing to respect your boundaries just ban her from your home. Not sure what you want from this thread.

I didnt say she looked hideous? My own nan is hideous and have no contact with her. Not really? If she's acting that way its a fact. Well during this time of year it is needed actually.

OMG lighten up. In a few months they will be eating mud and everything else they can pick up off the floor. The school or nursery where they will catch everything going.

Again you are letting your health anxiety catastrophise your thinking. Kissing feet isn’t going to cause those exceptionally rare things.

What would my advice be - let it go and stop looking for arguments: Your MIL raised kids so does get it a little bit. You aren’t the first mother and need to find peace for the sake of your child and relationship.

I don’t think OP needs to chill out. From what I’ve read (not read everyone’s in detail) I think it’s the fact she’s ignoring the request. If OP gives an inch, MIL will take a mile. So it’s easier to say no kissing at all, than to say kissing feet/top of head it ok (because it won’t stop there).

I can understand feeling protective and I think with MIL the fact she’s not listening probably gets your spidey senses going and makes you wonder what else she’ll ignore. That’s not a comfortable relationship. It’s like she’s doing it on purpose - either completely ignoring or a “I can do what I want - I’m grandma” approach. Neither will help the relationship.

Im sorry you’re feeling anxious OP but well done for seeking help. And well done for bringing two little babies into the world. Not an easy task at all.

I don’t think it’s the germs as such - it’s the fact that OP feels disrespected by MIL. I know the germs play a part but reading into it I think it’s more the principle (I might me wrong though so OP do correct me!). @CMC13

Tell her you guys need a break for a while - until she can respect your boundaries. No coming over etc.

Can't wait for this generation to become grandparents and be told not to kiss baby. Funnily enough it's always in-laws told no not the birth mothers family.

Sounds like your mil is actually making your anxiety worse. As a new mum you would think she would be supporting and helping you. Sounds like she is on a mission to just do what she wants. It isn't about kissing a baby on the feet. It is about her being told no kisses and she has thought, i will if i want to... I think you could be in for a tough time moving forward.

@Mh67 OP has said her parents understand.

I assume current parents will be fine being non kissing grandparents as have followed current health advice