Am I missing something - childcare.

[Halie]

I'm currently on mat leave and thinking about what will happen once mat leave ends.

Initially, I planned to return to my job, but currently I'm struggling with how that would work financially. As well as that, I feel very negatively about putting baby into childcare / nursery aged 1. I know it works for some and that's great but for me it's going completely against my instincts especially with the things I read on the news about nurseries.

If I put my child in nursery it's approx £200 per week locally, so £800 per month. We're a 2 income home, but to simplify it, that leaves me with about £1000 left of my wage. However, if I quit my job I can look after my child myself and according to online calculators I would get approx £900 in universal credit and £100 child benefit.

Am I missing something? Why would I go back to work to pay for a stranger to take care of my child when I can leave, do it myself and have a similar income?

What are other people without a village doing and what led to your decisions?

I stepped back from work for a couple of years, but there were major caveats that made that possible.

The biggest was that my husband earned as much as I did and we were able to comfortably live on one salary. Life wasn’t as free, but we were absolutely fine and still had savings with his income.

the second and most important was I was able to work as a consultant during my absence. This kept up my skills and my contacts, plus it brought in some money.

I was terrified to take the leap to sahm in my basically perfect position. Seeing women do it from a precarious place makes me worry.

i understand the choice and i hope it works out. It’s just very high risk.

I actually sent my daughter to nursery whilst I was still on maternity leave. She started 2 days a week at 9 months because I needed a break from her and my mental and physical health was awful which put me into hospital the following month. She went in 5 days a week from 13 months and at 15 months she dropped down to 4 days which was perfect for us as we got a day dedicated to us and we didn't do any chores or housework on that day.

She had a break in nursery just before 2 as her nursery closed just before we moved house and she had 12 weeks of an ad-hoc nursery, grandparents and parents and it was so difficult and she didn't thrive but it was far from ideal circumstances. Settling her into the second nursery took a lot longer and it looked like we might have to reduce the hours.

She started school in September last year and I was really surprised that she struggled with the breakfast and after-school class. She has needed more support in school than she ever did as a younger child. I was made redundant earlier this year and have been a SAHP since and she has really benefited from having me around before and after school. Supporting her in gaining friendships and ensuring her emotional and social needs are being met. I have just had my second and I will be looking at putting him in nursery when he is 9-10 months for a day or two so that I have the opportunity to do more committed job searches and applications, start some courses to fill in some .skills gaps and to hopefully start doing some part time work.

We can afford to live on my partner's salary, we are paying into my private pension and the child benefit is in my name so I'll get my NI contributions paid. It's our longer term finances that are going to be impacted by me not working now as we won't be building up savings. One of my friends has been a SAHP for nearly 10 years and in that time it has gone from easily manageable to finances being quite tight as the costs haven't kept pace with her husbands salary, she is also now not sure how to get back into work. She always imagined starting as her youngest started primary school but now the youngest is in primary school and still in need of support

Are you using an online calculator, or actual UC figures? As I don’t think those figures are correct.
Also to add, self employment on UC is a bit of a nightmare, as you are expected to earn a minimum amount or face sanctions.
There is a universal credit page on Facebook that is incredibly helpful for accurate calculations

Why should we fund you to bring up your child which was your choice to have? Let’s all go out and work hard to pay our bills but you know what you just give up and we will cover it don’t worry.

Have a bit of pride in yourself. You don’t require benefits you are choosing to give up work to get them. Surely you still want your own identity and to keep up to date with your career. Honestly despise of this kind of nonsense. If you can’t afford to have a child without claiming money then don’t have a child. If you can’t afford to not work without claiming then stay in work.

The hostility, assumptions, sarcasm and animosity - so indicative of today's society and how nasty it is becoming. I asked for help / advice and mostly got attacked.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c2k4qd8q97eo

THIS and many more recent stories I have seen on the local and national news are sending me into an absolute spiral with anxiety. I'm 12 weeks postpartum and I don't want my baby with people who could be monsters.

I'd like to retain my career for the sake of my child but I don't want my child coming to harm just because I'm too concerned about a pension I might never see or a job I could be made redundant from or my pride. I don't care about any of that. I want my baby safe.

Of course I don't want to be on benefits and lose my career, I'm not stupid. But I'm trying to figure out how to keep my baby safe at home with family and how financially I can do that.

I thought people might be able to offer a helpful perspective.

I really think this thread highlights the productivity issues we have in the Uk. It should always pay to work and (as highlighted by the OP) it doesn’t.
What a ludicrous situation.

I have no personal views on someone who can afford to stay home to look after their children. But I do feel you need to consider the long term implications and you ought not to be reliant on benefits to do so.

But some things you may not have considered:

When you pay into your pension extra later on, you won't benefit from employer contributions, which will be more than double what you put in.

You'll lose any continuous service benefits you've built up.

What if you decide to have another baby? Or fall pregnant. You won't be eligible for enhanced (or much at all) maternity pay.

Does you calculation of childcare costs, take into account 30 "free" hours and tax free childcare they will be eligible for as working parents?

The actual chance of harm to come to your child in childcare is extremely extremely low. These are rare cases in the news and affect a very tiny minority of children. If you look into it, they are probably statistically more likely to be abused by someone they know than they are in a formal childcare setting.

So you're going to homeschool too? There have been predators in schools too.

The article is horrendous but thankfully, incredibly rare. There are many fantastic nurseries that allow young children to thrive. You just have to visit a number, book hours early and do all your due diligence.

I don’t think there has been hostility op. It is fair enough that people are frustrated that you want to claim benefits when it’s not needed.

I understand the anxiety but cases like the one linked are extremely rare. Are you also going to keep them away from school and all sports classes? Your children are more likely to be sexually abused by a male who knows them, so their dad, uncle, grandad, family friend- they’re the ones being convicted the most- it just doesn’t make headline news as it happens so often.

Your baby is, statistically far more likely to be abused by a family member than a member of nursery / school staff…

Look todays's news was horrific. But it's also an exceptionally rare occurance. Statistically your child is far more likely to be abused by a member of their own family than a nursery worker.

At 12 weeks pp, you're going to feel protective, and probably over sensitive. This is a disproportionate knee jerk reaction.

Long term, it's simply not in your or your child's best interests for you to give up your job with the associated financial implications. It's not so obvious now when baby is so little, but surely in the future you want to be able to afford swimming/instrument lessons, holidays and school trips, tutors, Uni fees etc, rather than living on the breadline and playing catch up on your career and pension.

Clinical NHS working tends to lend itself to compressed hours or part time working. It would be far more sensible for you to investigate that option.

In view of your specific circumstances and your ability to maintain your registration I think what you're saying makes perfect sense.

Ok but we all have the same fears. I personally wouldnt send my child to a nursery with male workers.
But what is the answer here, we all down tools and go on benefits?

You have a mortgage? Very likely to not be entitled to very much then if anything. Different story if renting. Those calculators are not reliable.

In my circles I only know of one woman who’s been able to get back into the workplace at anything like her previous level, after taking time off to raise 2 kids to school age. Even then it took a very long job search and lots of rejections and unpaid work in roles she was hugely over qualified for, to get her foot back in the door.

Once you step out of the workforce it is HARD to get back in. Momentum and accumulated experience / contacts often count for more than your qualifications. And as you get older you’re less of an appealing prospect than younger workers who are eager to please and progress, and will work longer hours for less money.

Plus, as happens to many women, while my friend was a SAHM, her partner had got used to her doing all the home and child stuff, and never took any of it back over despite endless discussions and negotiations and arguments (and we’d all really thought he was one of the good ones!).

So she was working 35 hours a week for far less per annum pro rata than she used to make before kids, and doing all the school runs and appointments and cooking and laundry and life admin and kids activities, with nearly a decade’s gap in her pension and NI contributions, and not a whole lot left over to contribute to a private pension from her earnings in her new job.

She was by then well and truly stuck, in her early 40s, having more or less fucked her career, and wildly resentful of her partner on whom she was by then financially dependent. His career came on in leaps and bounds, incidentally, as he was free from any mental load at all, and able to work long hours and travel.

Being a SAHM can create and enhance all sorts of inequities in a relationship and really undermine your autonomy, freedom
and choices.

My other friends who took time out of the workforce intending to go back didn’t manage it until their DC were in secondary school, and even then it was poorly paid part time jobs in schools or shops. These are highly qualified and educated women who had previously been running teams and departments. None of this counted for anything when they were a decade older without recent professional networks and behind on tech skills and developments in the industry.

You learn so much when you’re working that you don’t even realise you’re learning - and you build so much of the foundation of your future career just by being there and interacting with people.

It is risky to quit in more ways than the numbers tell you.

Remember if you have savings that will reduce your eligibility for UC as well.

OP I am just remembering back to when I had my son.
I actually developed Post Natal deptession after watching netflix documentaries about catholic priests and child abuse. It sent me into a spiral where I had intrusive thoughts and thought everyone was a paedophile. I got referred and offered in patient therapy.
It was really bad. I was suicidal.
I would deplore you to stop yourself reading these articles. For your own sanity, protect your mind right now.

Horrific though the Bright Horizons' story is, it is data that allows parents to gain perspective on risk, not infrequent incidents. Driving a car is far riskier. By your logic, OP, you shouldn't set foot outside the door.

Alongside the financial issues of being a SAHM mum, you also need to consider whether potentially spending hours of your time with the mothers of small children is what you want to do. As a friend of mine memorably said: 'If I have to have another conversation about mending children's trousers, I'm going to kill someone.'

But it’s ok for the rest of us to risk our children to pay the tax for your UC?
who do you actually think is paying for your privilege?

Does anyone know what single parents are entitled to, if anything, if the single parent earns more than 60k?

Yes, hadn't seen this mentioned but very important - if you have over 16k you won't get UC, anything over 6k will reduce what you get.

How accurate is the benefits calculator you used? Some are optimistic, can you afford it to be wrong? Maybe talk to cab and see what numbers they come up with. If it is the same as your full time wage minus childcare then it is possibly worth staying at home. There is always a risk you won’t walk back into a job but only you can determine if the risk is worth it.

It would depend on a number of factors so it’d be best to run the calculator yourself (or let whoever needs to know do it). Depends on savings, other income (like maintenance), housing status etc

If everyone did this…
No wonder people get vocal about benefits it does t pay to work apparently- in the short term