Am I missing something - childcare.

[Halie]

I'm currently on mat leave and thinking about what will happen once mat leave ends.

Initially, I planned to return to my job, but currently I'm struggling with how that would work financially. As well as that, I feel very negatively about putting baby into childcare / nursery aged 1. I know it works for some and that's great but for me it's going completely against my instincts especially with the things I read on the news about nurseries.

If I put my child in nursery it's approx £200 per week locally, so £800 per month. We're a 2 income home, but to simplify it, that leaves me with about £1000 left of my wage. However, if I quit my job I can look after my child myself and according to online calculators I would get approx £900 in universal credit and £100 child benefit.

Am I missing something? Why would I go back to work to pay for a stranger to take care of my child when I can leave, do it myself and have a similar income?

What are other people without a village doing and what led to your decisions?

Thanks. I don't live in England unfortunately.

I presume OP lives in Wales.

For what its worth, OP, I struggled with this 20+ years ago as a wife of a (then) low/middle earner. I couldn't afford to be a SAHM in the way that families on benefits could, or partners of high earners could. I work in a similar field to you.

So I went back part-time, and stayed in my professional career. When the kids went to school, I got flexibility because of my good reputation. I climbed the increments and was able to go for promotions. I didn't get to go back full time til the kids were at secondary as childcare cover after school and holidays was too hard.

Comparing myself now to my friends who gave up work, our family is doing miles better. We've now got 2 highish earners. Our children have never felt a hint of poverty, indeed they've been able to do all the extra curriculars, all the school trips, we've been able to finance them at Uni etc. We've got a fabulous relationship as we both understand the "earning load" and the "household load", as we've equally shared them.

We've massively outstripped the families that I was envious of that could "afford" a SAHM.

Please look back on my posts on this thread, and note that I have not at all been at all saying people shouldn't claim benefits. I just don't understand why you would choose living on the breadline for your child, rather than a comfortable upbringing.

My mum hoped to have time off when she had me and my sister but unfortunately the cost of living at the time meant it wasn't possible. She had to return to work when I was 12 weeks and my sister was 5 weeks (late 80s, early 90s). She wanted to be there for us as much as possible and couldn't afford childcare so she worked evenings as the equivalent of a HCA now. My dad worked 8am-4pm and she worked 5pm-9pm, so we always had a parent with us. My parents didn't see each other and it was tough but they made it work.

One of my former colleagues had worked 4 days Monday to Thursday and her husband was a nurse and did bank shifts Friday -Sunday which worked well initially but over time there was much lower demand for bank shifts and he had to find a permanent job that would work with this pattern until the kids were a bit older.

So you do spend money on heating although you said you didn't odd....I was just asking questions for you to consider if you've considered and accounted great....you got hostile and defensive. Which then makes it feel like your not being entirely honest.

I have been considering this but myself and my colleagues who do the self employed work are all working out of independent clinics. Difficult to explain but you are kind of scouted by the clinics via NHS contacts and offered a room / clinic space with equipment and a list of clients. The clinic owner pays our wages but we are not contracted to them. I guess we keep their business afloat without them needing to employ staff and can let us go whenever. The benefit to us is extra cash and an experience in niche treatments and cases, and an all round pleasant work environment. I would not be able to set up such a business myself- I'd need significant money to start it and loads of things like insurance, an accountant, health and safety approval etc. I have considered self employment on some level but I absolutely would not use my professional title or do what I practice in the NHS - too complicated and I wouldn't want to risk my registration.

What exactly are you asking me? Other than just being antagonistic and paranoid about my post I don't know what you're trying to understand. I got irritated because you're trying to "catch me out" over things because you're convinced I'm lying about something and I can't really be bothered dealing with some strangers paranoia when I'm trying to get genuine advice.

Of course I pay to heat my home...it's not free is it? I don't pay for gas since I don't have gas central heating. I don't heat my home through the warmer months so I use the money accrued in my electricity account to pay for electric in the Autum/Winter. Any further questions your honour?

Perhaps you can get tax credits. There are help and advice you can get from the government in any situation. All the best.

Good for you op, sounds like you've got the numbers sorted. Stay home and look after your child, no point killing yourself when it's more sensible to look after your own child.

This has made a huge difference to how I feel about my situation, thanks for sharing x

YES ! This is exactly how I wish all women in this country felt

don't give up on working!!!! Think of the future you - who will thank you for staying in the work force

you will earn so much more money as you keep getting promoted - don't give up now based on current math

Absolutely this
NHS has no jobs for NQN or Resident Dr's NQ I would love to know where all the jobs are that Op will walk back into?
As for Bank -zero shifts
If there are any currently employed staff get first dibs

Insane to give up work if you are the higher earner, Absolutely insane.
How will you pay back your Mat Leave pay?

Bonkers to give up an NHS pension and no guarantees what you will go back into.
Currently NHS is undergoing restructuring, mandatory redundancies. ICB budget slashed.
If you have a secure job dont leave it, 1.8K a month is very low pay as main breadwinner

Ask to go PT and do that for a few years

I can understand why you're hesitant about handing your baby over to someone you don't know - it must be a real wrench but at least you've got a few options to think about from this thread. Out of interest, you always refer to 'your government' (ours in other words) - is it not yours as well? Hope you come up with a solution.

The women that I know, and me, chose to bring up our children living on the breadline because we firmly believed that staying home with your children while they are very young gives them the very best start in life, rather than sending them to nurseries or childminders. We waited until we were older than most of our friends so that my husband was earning enough for us to scrape by with me being at home. It was very very difficult, and there were times when we’re barely able to afford to get by, but I wouldn’t have brought a baby into the world if I hadn’t been able to stay home until she started school.

It really doesnt though, does it.
Bringing up children in near poverty seriously affects children's life chances
Maternal attainment is particularly influential in how well girls do in life.

The age old question
Why are men not caring for their young children?
Its just women who have to make these choices

Doesn't sound like it was worth it to me.

@Growlybear83 sounds terrible tbh !! Choosing to be poor and not affording holidays and extra stuff for your child - you basically deprived them of loads of things just so you could be home? that doesn’t sound like it’s best for the child tbh- but keep telling yourself that 😀

dont be silly - my daughter wasn’t deprived at all. 🤣🤣 Holidays are hardly essential, any more than expensive activities. She gained far more from being with me, playing for hours every day, going on long walks with friends, playgroups, to local museums and parks etc than she ever would have done stuck in a nursery with people who didn’t love her and who couldn’t give her constant one to one time. It really isn’t necessary to spend lots of money with a young child - picnics in the park with other mums and babies/toddlers were much more fun than going to a cafe or restaurant for lunch and cost next to nothing. The playgroups we went to were usually free. My child benefit was spent on toys and clothes for my daughter, and my mum also made her the most magnificent clothes on a regular basis. I also made a number of toys, completely renovated my old dolls house, all for next to nothing.

No, me neither.

I don’t think my son needs a load of “stuff,” but I like him have access to experiences and activities that aren’t free, and would find it frustrating wanting to do things with him that making myself “on the breadline” would prevent.

I also don’t think he needs to spend every waking minute with his parents, or have constant 1:1 time with us.

Given the amount of child abuse taking place in so-called nursery settings. Whilst it might not be doing in the best of good spending all his time with you, it’s certainly keeping him away from harm
Whatever statistics she want to look at I wouldn’t give a shit about and care if it’s one in 1 million it won’t be mine. That’s the one it happens to.

I couldn’t edit for typos, but I’m sure you get the gist.
Too much low level abuse goes on in nurseries. I’ve witnessed it in the playground. TA’s swinging reception children around by the arms grabbing them by the coat all sorts of little things that the parents wouldn’t agree with and wouldn’t do themselves.
Bad enough when they have to go at compulsory school age, you don’t need to start any earlier if it’s avoidable.
As for experiences your 4-year-old is not missing out on anything it needs to experience

Sadly, I think far, far more low level abuse (and high level too) happens at home than at nursery.

But, ultimately, we make the decisions for our own children. But statistically both not living in poverty/on the breadline and attending nursery/early education lead to better outcomes for children. It's hard to understand why loving parents would make choices that are likely to disadvantage their child. That said, each child is an individual, each family makes their own choice.

It also depends on whether we’re talking about relative poverty or actual poverty in this case it very much sounds like it’s relative.
I don’t think far far more low level or higher level abuse takes Place at home to be honest.
Otherwise, we would have state-run orphanages where we would be required to deposit a newborns to be raised properly by those Qualified to do so as opposed to their actual loving parents, Childcare has become a cash cow and lots of parents have lost all confidence in their own ability which is really sad because actually what children need is just a loving pair of arms. v

They don’t just need a pair of loving arms at all.

They need structure, play based learning delivered by people actually able to effectively do so, which I don’t believe all parents are able to do to the same standard as a good EYFS practitioner.

I’m a former teacher, I actually do have those skills. But my home isn’t a school, it’s a home, and I have other things to do in it that don’t involve teaching for 6/7hrs a day. I like that we have a separation between home and school.

They need soft skills; that they learn from being around peers. They need to begin to access the curriculum. They need support to recognise and regulate their emotions. They need to not turn up at school being the only kid who doesn’t know anyone.

Kids do not just need a cuddle, surely nobody believes that.

Statistics (aka facts) would disagree with you.

And unless I say I don’t actually care what the statistics say.

Like most people, I’m only interested in mine.
And they are 100% safe in my care as opposed to 97.8% safe in somebody else’s