Am I missing something - childcare.

[Halie]

I'm currently on mat leave and thinking about what will happen once mat leave ends.

Initially, I planned to return to my job, but currently I'm struggling with how that would work financially. As well as that, I feel very negatively about putting baby into childcare / nursery aged 1. I know it works for some and that's great but for me it's going completely against my instincts especially with the things I read on the news about nurseries.

If I put my child in nursery it's approx £200 per week locally, so £800 per month. We're a 2 income home, but to simplify it, that leaves me with about £1000 left of my wage. However, if I quit my job I can look after my child myself and according to online calculators I would get approx £900 in universal credit and £100 child benefit.

Am I missing something? Why would I go back to work to pay for a stranger to take care of my child when I can leave, do it myself and have a similar income?

What are other people without a village doing and what led to your decisions?

Stay at home then!!! Not sure why you are asking on here?
and you may think you will make up the pension. But people rarely do. life gets in the way.

And you miss out on the potential growth from these years.

You've also clearly made up your mind and are arguing with anyone suggesting an alternative viewpoint.... so not sure why you've bothered making this post.

I haven't made up my mind which is why I'm asking - see title.
I'm giving answers to the general responses I've gotten by questioning them based on my current understanding. If I'm wrong I'd appreciate being corrected and informed of exactly why to enable me to make sound choices. I still don't get why I'd be better off working.

Pension- I'll add back into it. I don't understand why that should be difficult? I recently had a car on finance and subscriptions- all gone. That's at least 200 per month. That same amount comes out of my wages for pension each month. So I can easily pay double pension contributions?

I can work self employed in my industry and there is plenty of NHS locum work so I'm not concerned about returning to work as ill still work (very few) hours for a couple of years and simply just increase them once LO is 3 before exploring contracted work again.

You’re an NHS professional band 5 or above and you take home £1800 a month? Even with pension and student loan it should be closer to £2000 for the first pay point. Do you have some additional deductions? Most nhs workers can also pick up some shifts to top that up, so you are unlikely to be in a similar position on UC are you? Also lots of NHS hiring freezes might make it harder to go back.

The cost to you of losing years of NHS pension is huge, and there's no guarantee of you being able to secure employment with the NHS again, and certainly not at the same level. Plus missing out on essential training and annual increments. Financial suicide tbh.

Very, very foolish decision, that your child will end up suffering from in the long run. You'll look back with regret.

But you do you.

Have you done the calculations for working part time? This may be the better option.

At least that way you'll be better off when the funded hours kick in.

Mat leave isn't the same as being a SAHM.

I don't think anyone wants to leave their child but many of us also find it important to our own mental health and parenting to work as well.

You are leaving yourself quite vulnerable relying on one minimum wage job. What happens when the car needs repairs or the boiler breaks?

You will get 30 hours free so you would only have to pay for any additional hours. If you needed childcare for and additional 10 hours @ roughly £14 p/h then you'd only pay £140 per week.
It sounds like your just looking for excuses when you don't need one, if you can afford to stay home then do it, clearly you've already made your mind up.

No, I'm trying to understand.
Correcting assumptions so as to better inform people about my individual circumstances which can then inform their advice for me is not arguing. Not sure why you bothered replying, completely unhelpful post.

And a word of caution with the pension. Yes you'll get back in the scheme but it doesn't have to be on the same terms.

I don't know the NHS scheme but for many public sector pensions, the conditions for those starting now are not as favourable as they were 10 years ago.

Plus if something were to happen to you, no death in service benefits. I know we don't like to think like this but it is important.

We both do compressed hours so only need 3 days nursery, costs us £500 a month. Have you actually looked at nursery or childminders locally, and considered other options for working hours? The news stories are incredibly sad but also incredibly rare. I don't know how old your baby is, but by 12 months I was climbing the walls to go back to work. My mental health has massively improved since I went back to work, and so has our marriage. I could never not have my own income, pension, career progression, discussion not about nappies, and opportunity to sit and drink a hot coffee! And the nursery fees are temporary, whilst if you stayed employed, you have more opportunities and earning potential. If you earn more, it's surely better if your husband stays home or goes part time?

Why can’t you both go part time (if it’s an option at your workplace) and top up what’s missing with UC? That way baby would be looked after at home by a parent, you’d both still be earning and keeping your hand in in terms of pension and CPD and it’s much easier to up your hours when you feel ready to than it is to find a job which fits around whatever childcare arrangements you’d then be having to make. You’ll also get access to the NHS enhanced maternity pay if you choose to have another.

It would be more than this.

Funding is only term time or stretched out to 22 hours per week.

I charge £7 per hour plus food charge so this would be £148 in term time and £325 per week in holidays. This works out an average of £195/week for a 50 hour week.

You can use tax free childcare to save another 20% of the remaining fee.

If you are the main breadwinner why doesn't your DP stay home with your DC?

For what it’s worth, I think your instincts are right. I have a 6 year old in school and youngest in pre-school year, so have been in your position. I regret putting my oldest into daycare aged 11 months even though it was a decent quality setting where I knew they were safe and he was pretty high demand so also one could argue he needed a lot and I was very exhausted being primary parent for mat leave (this was 2019-20 so Covid isolation/weirdness too). I think it’s totally normal to feel negatively about putting such a young baby into childcare and I wouldn’t do it if I had that time again but I would acknowledge needing a break and try and build that in somehow to your life on a regular basis via family/friends or paid help when required like trusted babysitter. My son did 3 days 9-5/6 and although I kind of needed some childcare (no grandparents could help at the time) I wished I’d waited until 2. If you have to for financial reasons my advice would be find somewhere (easier said than done) where he could do small hours as possible for your work/you to have a break. Maybe a lovely childminder for a morning or two who comes highly recommended (speak to all the parents before!) could work? My second kid went at 2 years old and I felt much more confident that was the right time. He started doing 2-3 mornings and we built up from there as he aged. I knew by then I could more easily tell if something was wrong or he didn’t like something. I could read him and he could share more of his feelings in a simplistic way and I would raise an issue like once he got bitten by another child and once he said the person changing his nappy got angry at him and she was fired due to this and a few other issues reported by other parents by the excellent manager. This happened in a VERY high quality setting which had been there for 20-30 years with all permanent staff. They were alone too and luckily my 2 year old managed to explain enough how he felt that I could act on it as he had v good language. So I do worry about all those young kids who can’t articulate and especially under 2 who can’t speak at all. At 3 and 4 of course they can quite easily express feelings so this is even more guaranteed you can detect issues and know how they’re feeling so it feels much safer and more secure. My eldest was more high demand so def wanted and needed some help from 1 but I feel looking back 3 long days was too much although I’m happy I chose part time over full time of course. Weirdly at 18 months to 3.5 he favoured his dad hugely over me which was really painful and I wonder (because he’s very bright and sensitive) if he didn’t like daycare or felt rejected and that was his way of expressing. It wasn’t like he wasn’t getting loads of love and attention from me and his dad and wider family/friends so I always wondered why that happened as it felt strange.

I feel like if you’ll be worse off/same financially paying for nursery why would you. It’s totally your decision and every family has different circumstances but I’d say go with your gut. You’re more likely to regret sending them to nursery than spending these precious first years together which as I’m sure everyone has told you you don’t get back. If you need a break find a way to structure quality me time like sharing care between friends, getting a family member to sleepover/look after them for regular break, get your partner to have a regular slot or two at weekends and protect that time for you. Aged 2 or 3 you can find a suitable setting and you’ll get the free hours and they’ll get so much more out of it at that age (research supports your baby best with you until 2) and come 3 I feel they really benefit. Sounds like you’re a very loving, attuned parent so my two cents is if you don’t have to do nursery and don’t want to: don’t! Feel free to DM if you want to discuss anything further.

Sorry, final point.

Do remember that you don't suddenly stop missing your child when they are three or stop needing wrap around care.

At your stage, I'd happily have said 'I won't go back to work' but financially it didn't stack up. However in the long run, working part time has been the best of both worlds and I'm glad I had to. It's not as bad as you think - especially when they turn into two year old terrors with an attention span of 15 seconds!

I been able to remain part time for much longer.

I know loads of people in the NHS who do two long shifts a week and that gives an excellent balance.

Give up work
but please expect your DH to get a better paid job to support that choice
don’t see why the taxpayer should fund it

The obvious compromise is to work part time. Could you work two days a week? It’s what I did many years ago. I enjoyed spending time with my baby but it was very good for me to think about something other than nappies etc on my working days!

Exactly this. UC isn’t there for people who decide to quit their jobs because they’ve had a baby and don’t want to pay for childcare! You’re literally putting yourself in the position to claim UC when you don’t need to. How do you think everyone else goes on who put their kids in childcare, no one WANTS to do it but surely you knew this when you decided to have a child!!

I think that you should work part time at least, I'm not sure the UC system was designed to support those who 'can't face sending their child to nursery.'

If you can afford to live off one wage then great, go ahead, if not then think of some work arounds to reduce nursery time: go part time, DH goes part time, somebody gets a better paid job and the other person does more childcare etc etc. But just giving up work and letting UC pay isn't good.

Is there any option to go part time? Are you a nurse on the wards? Could you do 2 long days/ nights to reduce the need for childcare (I have a friend who does this and always does one on the weekend). I work as a nurse in the NHS and I would be weary about losing pension contributions. We’re also in a period of reducing bank staff due to the ICB/ NHSE changes. If you have a secure job at the moment in an area you’re happy with I’d try and work around that.

I don’t think it’s great to willingly go to universal credits just because you don’t want to work when there are other options.

Did you not see that she said “My industry is highly employable so I'm not worried about returning and I will do one morning a week self employed to retain my professional registration (I can't go longer than 1 yr out of work). As for pension, I'd rather raise my own child for 2 important years and build up savings after to place in my private pension.”

This with bells on it. Based on your salaries you’ve hardly contributed to the tax system yet you’re happy to consider this an option?

Is that how it works that you have a job, take mat leave, choose not to go back, choose and receive benefits? Do you pay back your mat leave? Presumably you had an inkling when you went on mat leave you didn’t really fancy returning. I don’t think it’s right that you have a job you could return to but just don’t want to AND get taxpayer funded for it. If you want to quit fair enough we all have that choice, just do it and fund yourself.

If you can do your job as self employed can you do that more than 1 morning a week, build up a proper full time business? It would have the advantage of being far more flexible than employment for picking up children etc, you can use the time that you wanted to be at home anyway to build it up gradually.