Working 5 days a week with 4 children.

[Amsley1]

Hi, looking for some advice or a miracle really.. has anyone got an ideas or suggestions that is in a similar situation..

I have an 11m old baby and a 9 soon to be 10yo boy. I have 2 step children who we have on weekly rotation with their mother. Basically I’ve been back to work from maternity leave for 8 weeks now, and I’m struggling. I struggled with all of the school drop offs/pick ups. As my child and my 2 step kids go to different schools. Now I add in childminder drop off in the morning to the mix, so I also work in a different school. I do first school, second school and then childminder and get my self to work all for 9.15am, I finish work at 2pm pick baby up then 1st child from school then a half hour wait and pick up the other two from 2 different schools at the same time. Basically have to be in 4 places at once. I have no help, partner is away before kids wake up on the morning and isn’t done till later on around dinner time or sometimes even later so I’m doing all of this solo. The baby will not take much of a nap or drink her bottle of milk at the childminder.she does eat her lunch though. She just won’t take a bottle for anyone else. She naps for an hour tops, so by the time I pick her up she’s cranky, milk hungry and hates the car. It’s a screaming match for almost an hour by the time we get home , from the hours 3.30-6.30(bedtime) isn’t for the weak. I try to get her to have a quick nap, she refuses but she’s past exhausted at this point. Then she barely touches her dinner because she’s so tired so it’s pretty much bath, bottle and bed by 6.30. But throw in after school activities into the mix on a Monday and Thursday it’s just a never ending stress. Then I feel guilty because I’m not having any special time with any of the kids because I’m rushing around doing pick ups and dinner and cleaning and bathing. I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried doing things differently a couple times to see if that helps. I’m so burnt out. Sorry for the long post. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks for reading

ps, I wasn’t brought up with my own mother so I have no direct help and have no other family around.

My dear.
I think you are an amazing, lovely person. You are working so hard to keep your family together.
I'm so sorry that it's so hard for you and also that people on here are urging you to do things that you couldn't possibly do in an unrealistic timescale.
I m sorry that I have no tangible advice for you but I wish you all the best in resolving these issues

You know the answer here OP. Your partner is the problem

Yes, I was thinking about after school care for older children. Or alternative transport home. He surely can afford it if not paying maintenance. The baby is totally miserable and that's so not fair and could cause problems later on. He needs to pay for it, not you. If he suggests that it comes out of your wage as it is helping you definitely get rid.

Absolutely not sustainable. And genuinely, what would your partner do if you weren’t around.
it seems like you have mad a rod for your own back and taken on a disproportionate level of care for DSC (u understand I can be like this too) and now it’s become too much.

have you discussed with your partner? Can some things in the diary be dropped until a better system is in place such as swimming lessons. your children are suffering and he needs to step up for his children if the relationship with their mother isn’t great. YOU do not need to step up more to fill in the gaps their mother has left, that’s on your partner to help bridge.

OP - just wanted to say that I think your strong (and most admirable) caring instincts have lead you here. Step by step without necessarily you pausing to consider the impact on you and your children. Kind of like the frog that is put into cool water that then is slowly set to boil. But now that it’s getting hotter and more pressured, hopefully you can see the impact it is having and take steps to protect yourself. It will be hard. I wish you well

I agree: You are an amazing lovely person and the older DCs + DSCs will remember their time with you.