I'm worried that our explanation of menopause scared our daughter

[menopausalmom2025]

My husband and I are both 47. Our youngest child is a 6 year old girl. I was red and sweating like crazy because of a hot flash when my husband and daughter came in. She asked if I'm sick and my husband told her "No honey, mommy going through menopause. It's a natural thing that happens to women at this age. That explains why mommy gets hot sometimes and why she gets those cute chin hairs that she plucks out. Sweetie, a long time from now, you'll go through the same thing."

I was too busy feeling like I was on fire to help in that conversation. I know that sometimes parents give explanations on topics, like periods, that unnecessarily freak kids out. I'm worried that we gave a very bad explanation.

I genuinely wouldn't give it another thought. Their brains are very plastic at 6, and absorbing and processing a lot.
I wouldn't say anything unless she seems concerned, or asks about chin hairs or something.
Just leave it be.

At least one person said I shouldn't be explaining things to my daughter.

Unless someone is a bad mom, why say a thing like that ?

Who said you're a bad Mum? You don't sound like one! It'll be fine, seriously.

I agree with you. I also remember my mum often saying how awful it is when you stop your periods, because you don't get that release of hormones (or something) that calms you down every month. So I was dreading menopause. That turned out to be utter tosh, and it's a blessed relief not having to go through the pain, bloat and mess every month.

If I'm asking too much questions, I'll apologize for being annoying and I'll step back.

I don't want to give you the work of reading through the previous comments.

Some of them, if they weren't trying to imply that I'm a bad mom and/or in a bad marriage, I have no idea what they were trying to imply.

@brightgreenpepper telling your child about something that may happen to them in 4 years is very different from telling them about something that won’t happen for several decades.

Just ignore them! I wonder if this thread is helping you at all?
If you find that it isn't, you can contact MNHQ who will delete it for you.
Like I said, I really wouldn't give this another thought. We've all said daftie things and made mistakes, no biggie.

I'm a woman and I get hot when it's hot outside; surely that's true - simple physics? Menopausal women's mileage will vary if it's cold outside. And I'm not a mother (mummy?), and am 66, and am have been through the menopause with no noticeable hot flushes. (Some PP said something similar.)

I don't think he said anything terrible or scary. He tried his best and he hashed together an explanation. It was age appropriate.

I was just hoping it would be like a support group. If people say things, I ask questions, and they respond. If I have more questions, it's okay.

Just supporting each other, like semi-friends.

Your choice, if you want to continue, that's fine.

OP said: "Some comments say I gave a horrible explanation."

Gently, I think I (and other PP) are saying that it was your husband's explanation, based on your first post. Am I wrong? And certainly I'm suggesting that his explanation is a bit of an unhelpful generalisation. Although goodness knows I heard worst things when I was young.

However, perhaps you'd like to say how you might be projecting... It doesn't sound brilliantly helpful.

I really don’t get the issue with the chin hairs it’s just a silly joke and we all get them and the child has obviously noticed them as they do. OP next time you have a hot flash just say to her it’s something older women get but you’re fine

Ignore al the humourless awful mumsnetters it was absolutely fine, if she does mention it just you explain it or if you get another hot flash you can

I wouldn't even say that, qv.
I think the chin hairs was a bit daft but not worth vexing over. The child has probably forgotten anyway.

THIS! Your husband sounds like a nice man

That’s neither flirting nor is it teasing. It’s an unnecessary personal comment that he needs to keep to himself.

I think you're overthinking again. I don't think anyone has said you're a bad mother, some thought talking about hairs on your chin isn't flirting but if it floats your boat don't worry about it. We all find different things attractive. As I said before if your DDs worried about it have a chat, if she isn't forget it.

People will probably remember if this thread is deleted and I ask again but withhollthe chin hair thing.

I can't unring the bell. I had screwed up by giving too much details.

You haven't screwed up at all! Seriously, don't beat yourself up. There are far worse threads on here every day.
Please don't worry about it, or your daughter.

When it's just me and him, I think his brand of teasing is hot. If you think that's unhealthy for our marriage, I'll be willing to hear you out.

For me, I like when a man treats me like a real human being instead of this perfect meta-human just because I'm a woman.

But it was a mistake for him to say that in front of our daughter. He has tried and has largely been successful in avoiding that kind of talk in front of the kids.

Thank you. For those who think the chin hair teasing is weird, I don't know what they want me to say.

I obviously like it and don't mind, considering I wrote it in the thread and didn't expect people to make a big deal about it.

I already said it was a mistake for him to mention that in front of our daughter. I apologized for mentioning it in the thread.

Unless they think my daughter will be messed up because she heard that, I don't see the controversy.

The OP was having a hot flush. Explaining that as "mommies get hot when it's hot outside" (and presumably it's not actually hot outside anyway) is even more bizarre than talking about "cute little chin hairs".

I don't think anyone said you should not be explaining anything to your daughter, of course you should explain things to her. But it wasn't your comments people were responding to anyway.

And even if they did say that, why would you extrapolate that what they really mean is that your a bad "mom"?

You don't really seem of the right mindset to objectively read comments from strangers.