I'm worried that our explanation of menopause scared our daughter

[menopausalmom2025]

My husband and I are both 47. Our youngest child is a 6 year old girl. I was red and sweating like crazy because of a hot flash when my husband and daughter came in. She asked if I'm sick and my husband told her "No honey, mommy going through menopause. It's a natural thing that happens to women at this age. That explains why mommy gets hot sometimes and why she gets those cute chin hairs that she plucks out. Sweetie, a long time from now, you'll go through the same thing."

I was too busy feeling like I was on fire to help in that conversation. I know that sometimes parents give explanations on topics, like periods, that unnecessarily freak kids out. I'm worried that we gave a very bad explanation.

You know them better than us. I never talked about it at all, I just didn't want to worry them when there was GCSEs etc going on. Your decision.
Every woman is impacted differently, so there's no point saying that all women get chin hairs/hot flushes/ depression or whatever. It's not like periods where you need to actively prepare them and guide them.

They probably know already then. They presumably did human biology at school.

What makes it extra frustrating is they don't say why they think it's a problem. Just dunking on me with vague criticism.

What am I supposed to get from that ?
I don't get what's the problem and what I should do about it.

People are very uptight on this thread me and DH always take the piss out of each other about stuff like this. We always have and 25 years in aren't likely to stop. I get chin hairs, it I dont really care about them and certainly won't cry if DH teases me about it.

It was completely pointless him saying it to her seeing as he didn’t even tell her what the menopause is.

Thank you

This whole thread is weird. Your six year old didn’t really need to know anything about the menopause, and has probably forgotten it already. Your older girls, especially the 20 year old, will already be well aware it exists, and possibly some of the symptoms.

Why is it weird ?

It feels rude to just say something is weird without saying why.

If nobody who makes these kinds of comments are willing to engage, then I have no choice but to think they're just picking on me with no intentions of helping.

Nobody is "uptight" on here

If people truly want to help me.
When I would ask they explain why is it a problem and what they think I should do about it.

Give me something useful.

They literally explained why it was weird!

I think you should speak with her, yes. Tell her her father is an idiot and doesn’t know anything about women. No seriously - just say her dad was being silly and that she is not going to grow chin hairs when she is older. Then speak to you dh and tell him not to interfere in conversations between your daughter and yourself especially when it concerns women/girls stuff.

It's weird that I'm concerned and asking for advice ?

This.

No! Don't talk to her about menopause ffs - let her be a child. She's a long time being an adult

Kind of, you’re fretting about a total none event, she won’t be thinking about it or if she is it will be forgotten in a day or two, no need for the stressing about what to say and whether to revisit it, just move on.

It’s weird because, quite frankly, you’re responding to some posters in a very passive aggressive way, and totally ignoring others who are asking you a genuine question.
It’s also weird, because let’s face it, who really worries about telling a 6 year old about the menopause? She probably can’t even remember what she had for breakfast never mind what the menopause is.

I would only comment if she asked or you noticed that she was looking at her chin. I would tell her that Daddy was joking a bit.
I would also have a conversation with him about “ keep it simple and age appropriate” .
There is a video on YouTube about “overdoing” parents:
Coming Out To Your Parents | Mitchell and Webb Are Not Helping

To be fair, some people are making fun of either my husband or both of us.
Saying thinks like I shouldn't be explaining anything to my kids.

If I had ignored a genuine question, I apologize. I want people who genuinely want to talk to me.

Hasn’t this thread lessened your concerns? Haven’t all your questions been answered? What sort of help are you after?

if you ask me, your DH gave too much info. It wasn’t age appropriate. But no harm has been done and there isn’t any need to bring it up again unless she asks.

as to your older girls, I’m positive that they already know what the menopause is. And that they’ve probably got decades before they need to be looking for symptoms.

but if you’re still concerned, maybe have a lighthearted chat with one of the older 2 and say that you and DH were caught off guard by 6yo and you think you may have scared the bejesus out of her. Ask them to have a sisterly chat if 6yo brings it up. Age appropriate, not too many facts, reassuring, completely normal part of life.

I interrupt a lot of these comments as telling me I'm a bad mom in a bad marriage.

Then other comments (probably different people) saying my daughter is fine, don't worry about it.

I'm getting mixed messaging.

Leaving aside the chin hairs, the 'weird', and the US terminology, OP said: "I was red and sweating like crazy because of a hot flash when my husband and daughter came in. She asked if I'm sick and my husband told her "No honey, mommy is going through menopause. It's a natural thing that happens to women at this age. That explains why mommy gets hot sometimes … Sweetie, a long time from now, you'll go through the same thing"

I've been through the menopause and never knowingly had a hot flash/flush. Your daughter will NOT necessarily go through 'the same thing'. Hopefully she'll go through the menopause. Perhaps your husband could have explained that more clearly? And that mommies get hot sometimes just because it's hot outside?

Better biological/menopausal explanations are available.

She said why she thinks it's weird. It's the two sentences after she says it's weird.

Not weird because you asked, but the event itself. And then worrying what to say to a 20yo.

Noone has said you're a bad mother or your marriage is bad by the way. It's just that your DH has an unusual way of explaining something to a 6yo that they didn't really need to know about. And you seem to be over thinking it all.

I could be projecting since I remember a lot of things I've heard when I was around 6 years old.

Some comments say I gave a horrible explanation. Different comments say to not explain further.

Is it unreasonable for me to think she may remember the horrible explanation ?

Maybe I was the weird one when I was 6 because I remember a lot of stuff from back then.

But that would be untrue. We don't get hot because it's hot outside. And, btw, not every woman who goes through menopause is a mummy.