Newborn - I don't think I can do this.

[RapunzelHadExtensions]

DD is 2 weeks.

My tits are killing me, I've been admitted to hospital on IV antibiotics for a uterus infection, the house is a shit hole, the neighbours kids are feral and just woke her up when I'd finally got her down. I'm still on antibiotics and they wipe me out and I'm still feeling so ill.

DP is amazing, literally as I write this he is upstairs giving me a break with her wrapped to him. He's taken to it so easily and they already have such an amazing bond. I feel like she just sees me as a walking tit. I never thought I'd say this but I really wish I was formula feeding. It's wiping me out and makes me feel so ill.

I can't believe what I've done sometimes. I miss my old life. I love her so much and would die for her, but I just can't see any light and it's only been 2 weeks.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I feel like I've already hit and she's still only tiny. I'm a terrible mother.

Hit a wall that should say. 😞

Formula feed then🩷 and I’m saying that as a midwife. Mental health is really important and you need to be bonding with your little girl and enjoying it as much as possible! Wishing you a speedy recovery

Sounds like a combination of things, but the hormone drop at this point can cause you to feel absolutely terrible - “Baby Blues”

But also… formula feeding isn’t the devil, I read that some studies showed the best predictors of how happy and well adjusted a child will be are based on how the mother feels… if it’s good for you, it’s good for her… I promise

Sending love

You said it yourself: ‘she’s still only tiny’. It’ll pass. Your body has just been through a massive trauma. Be kind to yourself and keep taking one day at a time. 💐

As above, use formula.
Do you have any support aside from DP?

It can be so rough in the beginning. You will find your groove. BF'ing shouldn't be painful. Please check how baby is latching.

Littlemissalwaystired said it perfectly, as a psychology graduate I agree - yes breast has a slight advantage over formula …. but your wellbeing and attachment also has a significant advantage over despair. Talk to your health visitor or GP, they’ll help you too.

It gets easier and also formula feed if you want to. You can do mixed feeding to full breast feeding later if that’s important for you but getting you well now is the most improtant thing - so your husband does a shift overnight where he feeds her and you get 6 hours proper sleep. Also good to get out and about during the day and have her nap in the buggy - made me feel sane.

Two weeks is such a short time and I think social media makes us think we should all be leaping around feeling so healthily just after birth. The process of birth itself is exhausting, followed on by your infections no wonder you feel awful.

accept it as a place in time. Call in all the help you can. Get a friend, family member or employ a cleaner to come and blitz the washing, laundry and do a food shop.

you get in bed, sleep and don’t move from there unless it’s to go to the toilet. DP can bring baby over for a feed when needed.

you obviously wanted to breast feed so stick with it for now. I promise it does get easier in every way after the first few weeks but be kind to yourself

Hi OP, this will pass I promise you. My son is now 9 months, I too suffered from an infection was In hospital for a couple of weeks PP and I’m breastfeeding so I completely relate. Please, please know this is a moment in time that is going to pass. This stage feels like forever but take each day at time, little things get you by. Find a new series to get into whilst you’re awake, give yourself little things to look forward to. Do you have a support system other than DP? Breast feeding is hard and you are doing an amazing job even attempting it. maybe introduce one bottle a day of formula so you can get some sleep? The newborn stage is very hard, and you are doing a great job. You have got this mama.

Two weeks? And you’ve been ill in that time as well? Of course you feel rubbish and probably don’t know which way is up.

At that stage with no physical problems and no issues breastfeeding I couldn’t work out when to eat, how I’d ever manage to get dressed in a day or cope at all really.

At that stage they feed a lot for a long time so make sure you have somewhere comfy to sit, book/tv/snacks nearby.

If you are struggling with breastfeeding there are organisations that can help.

Don’t try to do too much, it’s completely normal to just focus on coping for the first few weeks (or months). Just the basics of being fed and washed is fine. The housework can wait.

It will get better in time.

Two weeks is such a short time but also so long. Your body and mind have been through such a lot. Just take it 30 minutes/an hour at a time (tbh I did that for a few years). You don’t have to make any huge decisions, though it’s fine to stop or reduce breastfeeding for any reason. I hope you have some better moments soon.

Hang in there it will get better x

Give yourself one more week on bf. See your midwife tomorrow and ask for her help. Do everything she suggests but if it's still awful, switch to formula.

There is no shame in it. You both need whatever suits you the best.

Solidarity OP, I found the early weeks were the hardest part, especially when trying to establish breastfeeding and recovering physically from both while being the most exhausted I have ever felt, before and since!

I know exactly how you feel but it will slowly get easier and you will start to feel better, even though right now it probably feels like forever. You have had a bit of a rough hand with the infection. My house was also complete chaos for a few months after both and I basically lived off tea, toast and squash. You aren’t on your own there at all and it sounds like you and your DP are doing a fantastic job adjusting to the change.

Obviously switch to formula too if you really don’t want to breastfeed anymore. I combi fed which really helped as it meant DP and I could both meet her needs and it took the pressure off me a little bit.

Could you express, and do half and half?

Please do t feel guilty to formula feed. It saved me. I exclusively breastfed for 6 weeks and never took to it, it damaged my mental health and my bond to my baby in the early days. I never felt the connection and my anxiety was through the roof as soon as he made a sound. My health visitor urged me to try formula and I cried the whole way through his first bottle feed but once I was combi feeding things felt better. At 8 months he lost interest in breast feeding.

my next baby was very poorly when born and he was tube fed for the first few months. I never got to breast feed with him and I did t feel one bit of guilt because I saw then that fed is best whichever way possible for him. I was just so happy he came off tube feeding and onto formula. We couldn’t even try breastfeeding with him because he needed prescription formula.

im just saying this to let you know that formula isn’t the devil, some mums have no choice in the matter and their babies still thrive. My poorly baby is now a huge strong 2 year old and non the wiser about his early days and that he didn’t get breast milk xx

Did you have a natural birth or C-section, because c sections do have longer healing times. I think you will be fine, it's hard now but things will improve as your body heals.

At 2 weeks old the house being a mess is DHs fault not yours.
You should be sitting down the majority of each day recovering, holding her or feeding. Nap whenever you can, and focus on the only responsibility you have for a bit being resting and looking after the baby.

I think with both my kids I felt utterly destroyed at the 2 week / 10 day mark. Breastfeeding was really hard at that point. Cracked nipples, mastitis and everything, it sounds like you've had an especially hard time being ill as well. All I can say is it does get better, feeding in particular gets much quicker and more comfortable. Try and get rest when you can and go easy on yourself. It's still very early days!

I gave up breastfeeding because I hated it. Everything was fine from then on. Also you've had an infection and been on antibiotics. You will feel rough. Allow yourself to recover. Do what's easiest for you.

I found the first 6 weeks really really hard going, you’re sleep deprived, struggling to recover from labour and everything feels awful! Forget about house work, look after yourself, think about introducing some formula alongside breast feeding, then your partner can help with feeds and introducing it early means baby is less likely to reject a bottle later. It will get better!

The baby blues at two weeks are a very low point, but speak to a sympathetic midwife if you still feel like this in a few days. I also had a uterine infection that made me feel very weak and found breastfeeding extremely painful initially, but I’m glad I persisted, especially as it was winter and I didn’t want to be standing around warming a bottle in the early hours. It does all get easier. Congratulations on your new baby 👶

This - don’t worry about the house.

Oh guys I'm reading these crying. Thank you.

It was a natural delivery. I'm going to go to combi feeding I think. I have been expressing but again this hurts and I'm getting cracked and shooting pains through my breasts 😞

I'll call the MW tomorrow and ask for a visit.

Everything feels very bleak.