Newborn - I don't think I can do this.

[RapunzelHadExtensions]

DD is 2 weeks.

My tits are killing me, I've been admitted to hospital on IV antibiotics for a uterus infection, the house is a shit hole, the neighbours kids are feral and just woke her up when I'd finally got her down. I'm still on antibiotics and they wipe me out and I'm still feeling so ill.

DP is amazing, literally as I write this he is upstairs giving me a break with her wrapped to him. He's taken to it so easily and they already have such an amazing bond. I feel like she just sees me as a walking tit. I never thought I'd say this but I really wish I was formula feeding. It's wiping me out and makes me feel so ill.

I can't believe what I've done sometimes. I miss my old life. I love her so much and would die for her, but I just can't see any light and it's only been 2 weeks.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I feel like I've already hit and she's still only tiny. I'm a terrible mother.

Oh I went to the BFing class with my DSis who's also BFing.
It was pretty useless tbh. It was just us there with a volunteer and she didn't really show us anything or help us, we both asked about side feeding because we're exhausted and don't want to sit up and feed all night. She just laid down on the floor and manouvered her 18 month old a bit towards her and was like 'just like that really' 😂

She also said she resigned from her job when her baby came 18 months ago and her husband obviously earns enough.
As someone who has no financial choice but to go back after 6 months this felt very alien to me and I became resentful and felt a bit like - Well, yeah, we'd all probably be amazing earth mothers still BFing at 18 mths and Co sleeping for nearly 2 years if we didn't have to worry about being the one to keep the roof over our heads as well 😫

We're going to go back next week because she said the nurse and others will be there then and my DSis says they're much more hands on and helpful.

Can’t help with the breast feeding as I decided to use formula from day one. DH and I took it in turns overnight and at weekends we each took a full night so the other got a full nights sleep.

On the day/night issue, we found it sorted itself at about four weeks. I was strict on no co-sleeping and very quiet at night but with normal noises during the day so they learnt to sleep through the hoover and washing machine noise.
I went to a couple of mum and baby classes but they weren’t for me as conversation was an obsession on breast feeding, co sleeping and being a SAHM - none of which applied to me so I was bored. I was looking for adult company!

Talk to your midwife, formula feed, do whatever it takes to get you through this stage. It does get better. I had a very difficult birth with DC1, then terrible issues breastfeeding as he couldn’t latch initially. I used to breastfeed with tears pouring down my face. I was diagnosed with PND after six months.

Fast forward to DC2, I ended up in hospital for a fortnight with sepsis and unable to breastfeed, so she had to go onto a bottle. She’s fine. I was fine. And it was so wonderful to have my body back.

This is a really tough period. Really tough. As long as your DD is fed, cared for and thriving, it doesn’t matter whether she’s breast or formula fed. What does matter is that you’re well.

As my midwife said to me when I was ill, if you feel you can’t take care of yourself, take care of the mother of your child ❤️

@RapunzelHadExtensions are you using lanolin nipple cream? It really helps. I used Lansinoh and Medela brands. My midwife told me to put be cream on then cover nipple with cling film in between feedings. It helps!

Sadly none of the creams work for me they just make my nipples feel really hot. Amazing lip balm though!

I didn't get on with the creams either, they just clogged up my nipples. I painfully scraped all the residue off one day with a muslin in the shower and then just squeezed out a few more drops of milk after every feed to moisturise.

Thank you. I'll run this approach by DP.

I've just expressed as want to go onto giving her expressed bottles at night instead of BFing.

Which basically means I'm not BFing at all. I've woken up completely on my knees again in fits of tears from worrying about one thing to another to another, including money and work and things that are months away. DP has taken DD downstairs. I BF all night pretty much and I absolutely hate it. Thats awful isn't it. I love her so much but I hate it and she actually seems to prefer the bottle now anyway. I saw a photo of me and DP from a year ago at Edinburgh Festival looking so happy and carefree. That was where we decided to try for a baby. I wish I could talk through to that photo and tell them just to wait. Is that awful.

MW is coming over this morning.

If you’re hating breast feeding and your DD is happy to take a bottle, why are you continuing to put yourself through the stress, anxiety and pain?
Your DD will grow up healthy on formula and you will be a happy mom. You are important too. Healthy baby = happy parents.

DC’s only had formula and they have grown up healthy. You can’t tell which children had formula and which didn’t

OP the first 8 weeks after the birth of my daughter were incredibly tough. I googled multiple times a day ‘when does it get easier’ and cried a lot of the time. A LOT. Also struggled with BF-ing but I was driving myself nuts over giving her more formula. It was a constant cycle of trying to bf-ed, pump, bottles etc etc. Absolute nightmare.
I switched her to formula in the day and bf-ing in the night (found it easier than making bottles) from 8 weeks and life got so much easier. She’s a very strong, healthy and sweet 2.5yo now. I don’t know what came over me in those first weeks but I blame hormones and exhaustion.
Do whatever you need to get YOUR life easier, and you little one will benefit immensely from it.
Btw creams didn’t work for my nipples but silver cups really worked.
Remember the hormones are wrecking your emotions and judgement at the moment. You’re doing great.

Girl just stop BF, I was the same as you in total agony with my nips and what felt like nerve pain shooting through to my back. I stopped after a few weeks, felt like the worst mum ever for a few days then realised it was 100% the best choice, I got better sleep, baby was more content and i loved it being his mum. I think if I'd continued trying to BF I wouldve ended up in a very dark place. This is your motherhood too and it's important to enjoy this time.

hey op, honestly it’s ok to just stop breastfeeding completely.

My DC never latched and i stupidly pumped for 5 months including overnight, still couldn’t get out even half of what he needed. Was exhausted, felt better when I stopped.

With DC2 i went straight to formula and it was a better experience.

Don’t beat yourself up about anything. Make things as easy as you can for yourself. Parenting and babies are hard. I also found maternity leave boring af and the one baby group i went to was just not my thing.

Just seen your update. It’s ok to stop. You hate it, you’re exhausted, she’s happy on the bottle: all very good reasons to switch.

Lots of us have switched or started with formula, for whatever reason.

I promise that it will get easier. Your baby will sleep. Your pain will stop. It’s so hard now but it gets better

If formula feeding will make you happier then do that, you literally can't tell which kids have been BF or FF by the time the whole milk feeding stage is over. By then nobody cares how you feed the baby, and nobody should judge either at this stage as BF doesn't always work out for various good reasons. Your mental health is important, do what you have to do to be the best mum you can be and to start enjoying this stage.

If you however decide to go on with BF, just know this hellish stage (pain, cluster feeding) does pass, and things look up in general around 3 months when baby starts smiling socially.

I was also one that would Google 'when do things get easier'. And trust me, they absolutely do, and things become (dare I say) enjoyable around 3 months +.

I went back to work full time at 6 months and I am still breastfeeding my 14 month old. You pump in the work day and breastfeed when you're home. By 9 months they're on 3 solid meals a day and you don't need to pump more than once or even at all in the day anymore.

The rate of breastfeeding at the age of 1 in the US is almost 40%. Mums there only get 12 weeks mat leave mostly.

It's not about the length of time at home. It's about determination and resources.

If you want to BF, do it. If you want to formula feed, do it. It's your choice, entirely.

If you are jealous of someone who could take 18 months off, that's your problem.

Of course she prefers the bottle, it's easier for her. Which is why the advice is to absolutely not introduce a bottle before 6 weeks. Not sure why you're complaining that BF isn't "enjoyable". Of course it isn't. It's shit. The first 6-8 weeks are incredibly difficult. Mine were hell. The reward comes later down the line, there is a moment when it switches from hard to super easy.

I was very ill after having ds so ended up bottle feeding. Dh is a natural night owl so did all the feeds up until about midnight/1am while I had an early night and a big chunk of unbroken sleep. I then too over from the early hours. Ds fed every 2 hours, but I needed the unbroken sleep to help recover.

OP isn't complaining, fgs. She's struggling and feeling overwhelmed.

@Mumtobabyhavoc and I sympathise, completely. But I have seen this here and also heard it at mums groups - mums expecting BF to be enjoyable and being distraught that it isn't. There are some idiots out there spouting nonsense about BF being beautiful and magical and completely, in my view, downplaying the enormous physical and mental effort that is required from the mother to get it established. Expectations need to be adjusted massively. The wonderful, easy, lovely point comes a lot later.

Of course OP thinks she can't do this if she's been told newborns are cute and sleepy and BF is wonderful and lovely.

The reality is that most of us struggled immensely at this stage and I am just trying to get this point across.

And BF at 18 months is not to be mocked. You may find yourself still BF at that age too OP (because BF at that age is actually extremely useful) and cringe at what you said here.

Your recent post explains your view much better. I don't disagree with you.

I really struggled with my first dc and felt like a pro with my second, whom I'm still bf'ing at 20m. I felt like a failure with my first for the entire 11m I tried bf'ing plus formula feeding and pumping every 2-3 hrs on a schedule. I had consults/advice with my doula, 3 midwives, GP, La Leche League and a lactation specialist doctor. I still feel like I shortchanged my first dc because it has been comparatively easy with my 2nd dc. But. I had clogged ducts with massive swelling 2x a year ago and that was bloody excruciating until it cleared after a few days, a bleb this past spring and what I think might have been the start of another clog a few days ago, but thankfully is ok now. The realities of breast feeding are not discussed - even if it mostly goes well. But, yes, totally worth it - for me and my baby. It's very much a personal choice.

Sorry for the essay!

Sweetheart. It’s ok to stop and use formula if the BF isn’t working for you.

I have 3 grown adults now.

2 were BF - one of them until she was I don’t remember but probably reception age - morning and night by then.

the other one I bf until 18 months.

The other? She was a screaming ball of pain on my milk. And on formula. Diagnosed with cmpa and lactose intolerance. Onto neocate. Different child.

I’d stand them in a room and ask you to pick the BF girl. (Coz DS is a bit of a give way he’s the only boy!!).

You couldn’t pick her out.

mine now are 34, 33 and 27.

If it isn’t working for you, it’s ok to stop.

Please stop breast feeding @RapunzelHadExtensions

its making you unhappy and you are not enjoying the newborn stage as a new mummy that you should be

formula is not the devils work

I’ve always said as a maternity nurse /night nanny - fed is best 💐💐

You shouldn’t be pressuring any woman to stop breastfeeding (and your Please stop does sound like a demand, along with your appeal from authority “I’m a nurse/nanny”). I detest the direct and indirect pressure to stop breastfeeding. It’s far too common and doesn’t help.

I was ill after the birth of one of my DC and felt rundown and totally not myself. I had so many ‘kind’ suggestions to stop breastfeeding, so many stories about how it was best to. Because I felt so weak and tired, I allowed myself to be persuaded it was best to stop and would help. Fortunately I cut down gradually as suddenly I woke up and realised what was happening - the ‘Ooh, do stop, dear, you’ll feel so much better blah blah’ and I was horrified that I’d allowed myself to be persuaded. I still feel guilty about it now even though I managed to get my supply up again.

‘Fed is best’ is blatantly obvious - a fed baby is better than a starving one, of course 🙄- but breastfeeding is best, ie better than formula feeding. They’re not the same and I’m sick of the constant undermining of women who breastfeed. It’s insidious, sometimes unconscious but sadly sometimes malicious.

I remember feeling like this. For me after the first 2-3 weeks, breastfeeding, it became easy and felt natural.

I would say, do what feels right for you. Never feel guilty for formula feeding. If that's what you want.

But then neither should a new mum be persuaded to continue breast feeding when she is hating it, in pain and becoming stressed and anxious. A happy and healthy mum is important.