Newborn - I don't think I can do this.

[RapunzelHadExtensions]

DD is 2 weeks.

My tits are killing me, I've been admitted to hospital on IV antibiotics for a uterus infection, the house is a shit hole, the neighbours kids are feral and just woke her up when I'd finally got her down. I'm still on antibiotics and they wipe me out and I'm still feeling so ill.

DP is amazing, literally as I write this he is upstairs giving me a break with her wrapped to him. He's taken to it so easily and they already have such an amazing bond. I feel like she just sees me as a walking tit. I never thought I'd say this but I really wish I was formula feeding. It's wiping me out and makes me feel so ill.

I can't believe what I've done sometimes. I miss my old life. I love her so much and would die for her, but I just can't see any light and it's only been 2 weeks.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I feel like I've already hit and she's still only tiny. I'm a terrible mother.

I felt like you, really really hated being a mum and missed my old life all the time. My daughter is now 2 and I absolutely love spending time with her, I can hardly believe it. It’s such a delight. Things will get better, you’ve been through a life changing experience and it’s hugely stressful.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to exclusively breast feed and felt loads better when I started using formula. It’s ok to do. Prioritise your own wellbeing too.
Hang in there.

I always thought I’d breast feed. I beat myself up so badly when it didn’t go well. Just formula feed. And don’t feel guilty! With my second I was so much happier. Both my children are very healthy.

If you are getting cracked and have pain it really sounds like baby's latch needs to be corrected. It can take a few weeks for you and baby to learn how to do this. I had a doula and various mid-wives help me then I got help from La Leche League

Giving birth is a huge event, hormone shift, sleeplessness ... it is so overwhelming. I know everyone says it, but it does get better. Sending you support. I really struggled with bf'ing my first, but my 2nd has been without issue, save a couple issues of clogged ducts that resolved quickly. You will get through these rough times in the way best for you. 💕

Out of 4 I only managed to ebf one, the rest were formula fed. Don’t feel guilty, there’s so much pressure put on mums, do what you have to do.

Oh OP it is so hard. I remember thinking the first 2 wks of breastfeeding were worse than giving birth naturally. Why can't they send us home with some gas & air?? Lol

But seriously, I wish I had combi fed. Not because of the pain so much - my boobs eventually adapted. But because my DS completely bottle-refused when we eventually tried to introduce it out of desperation at 3 months. He was a terrible terrible sleeper, waking 8x/ night until 16 months, and only taking the boob to settle. Maybe if I had tried the bottle sooner it may have worked.

There's no way to sugar coat it, it's basically really really hard for the first 6-12 weeks. But it is a very short period in the scheme of things, generally you start getting on top of things. I didn't manage to BF with my first, and fully get behind combination or bottle feeding if breast is getting way too much. I also had 3 weeks of agony to get breast feeding working with my second, but then it did and was great.

Yes, your house will be a shithole. Don't worry about it.

You will start to figure things out, I'd say usually from about week 6 - stuff like distinguishing different types of cry, you'll work out how to get out of the house with the stuff you need, you might find a sound that gets them off to sleep in the evening (for me I'd nurse with The Archers on Radio 4 on in the background then put on some white noise) and so on. But don't be ambitious - you may not make more than a walk around the block/to a local shop in the early weeks and that is totally OK. It may not feel like it, but you've got this, I promise - because you care about getting it.

Lots of us feel like this lovely, if that helps at all. You’re dealing with an awful lot. Breastfeeding is hard but it does get easier. It’s definitely not true she prefers your husband but as you’ve had such a rough time and are rightly stressed she might be feeding off that energy a bit and be calmer with him. It sounds like you need plenty of rest and then things will feel brighter ❤️

You’ve got this, you can absolutely do this. Lots of mums feel like this, you’re not on your own. Ask for help, rest when you’re able, leave whatever housework you can and don’t be afraid to bottle feed if you want to.

I felt really down for about a month after my last baby, it wasn't so much physical but mentally.
It did fade over the weeks. Having a baby is a big adjustment, give yourself time to heal...it won't feel like this forever but the first weeks are a huge adjustment.

Yes to the walking tit thing aswell, it got better but in the beginning I'd sit there grimacing ...not because I didn't want to do it but it was sore! I know people will say it's not supposed to cause pain but I've breastfed 3 babies for 2 years each and with all of them it was really uncomfortable at the start.

X

I gave up breastfeeding after 6 weeks with my first, I had mastitis and felt absolutely dreadful, like the worst flu of your life! Tried combi feeding but he much preferred the bottle so switched to formula and he was fine, thriving in fact. Please don't beat yourself up, you're recovering from birth and now an illness! Stay in bed and rest and let DH do all the work - you need time to recover!

I know it's so hard, you're tired and sore and hormonal changes going on - I can't stress enough, be kind to yourself! You're not a terrible mother, you're a new mother and you need looking after. It's lovely that DH is bonding well but remember, he has not had the physical and hormonal upheaval that you have.

I felt so much better when I stopped bf at three months. That physical and psychological break. We all slept better too. I also went back to work pt at four and five months each time which absolutely saved me. Twenty years on, never a single regret about either decision.

Combi feeding was a game changer for me OP.

DH also liked being able to do some feeds.

Continuing to BF to the point your physical and MH is shattered isn’t a good outcome.

Be kind to yourself x

Your little one has had 2 weeks worth of the best breast milk...the creme de la creme... so bloody well done.

Now for your own mental health, just go formula. Rest. Sleep. Take help. Eat some good food. Even sleep in the spare room if DH can do night feeds. This is a blip, it won't last forever.

Keep posting here, it helped me tons when felt similar.

You are not alone 🥰

You don't need anyone's permission to formula feed.

Just do it - your baby already has had colostrum, but if you are finding it impossible, there are so many ways to feed a baby.

I've been there. Breast feeding felt like hell at first. I wondered what we had actually done and just wanted to go back to my old life. Nights were torture and I told my husband that we were never doing this again. It passed, I ended up breast feeding her for almost 2 years and we did make the decision to have another. It will get better! It seems endless now but thos time is short and you will find that you will get in to a routine and will feel happier again. Getting out everyday was a life saviour for me and goung to a breast feeding support group was essential.

I'm dedicated to breastfeeding but had a moment at about 3m when I was about to go and buy formula. I had such a bad time in the first 3 months that I literally felt I could die. it all just lifted so suddenly and now she's 5m and we're happy as Larry. it can be really difficult but once you've got past the hurdle it's much better

I switched to formula after 3 days. Game changer.

It’s fine to give a bottle if you need a break - I had due to antibiotics among others things with dd1 but by 5 weeks she was back to exclusively breastfeeding and it was a dream from then on

I think this is normal at 2 weeks. It does pass. She will sleep for longer, your infection will clear, you’ll be off antibiotics. You are doing fine, and yes it’s hard.

Might be worth paying for a temporary cleaner if you can, and maybe asking friends to do a meal rota (can set up a rota on a website called “take them a meal”) even just for a couple of weeks.

my DC are big now, DD and DS1 are away from home at uni. I miss them and newborn snuggles. Now I have to snuggle the dog.

The first few weeks are horrendous but they do get easier! Having said that, don’t even hesitate to formulate feed if that’s what you want to do. Two weeks is plenty of breastmilk goodness. If feeding is painful, have you got you little one checked for tongue tie? Nothing is more stressful than dreading the next feed, I wished I’d switched to formula sooner x

@RapunzelHadExtensions I think midwife & health visitor will pressure you to carry on breastfeeding when in your situation you would probably be able to recover quicker if you go on to bottle feeding. People on here will try to convince you to carry on. But I think it’s important you recover so you can enjoy your baby & feel fit & well. It’s really important you have the energy to deal with a newborn.

Bless you. You shouldn’t be getting pain if bf so make sure latch is right - if still hurts pop finger in baby mouth and remove and try again to position

expressing. If you don’t have the right size it will hurt so make sure measure nipples for the right attachment

formula is not the devils work. It’s fine to stop bf

im a mn and I attempted to bf. I can help new mums and say if latch /position etc is wrong and be fab at helping them as I know all about bf

but I hated it myself and started combo feeding to give myself a break and dh could help feed

6w later I stopped. I wasn’t enjoying bf and tbh think only did it to try so could help/advise new mums more - but I could do that regardless due to my job

so if you decide to stop bf and use formula 100% that’s fine as well

don’t be so hard on self. 2w is a whirlwind and don’t worry about the house. Dh can do that

Oh god, I felt like this! Both times. Now mine are 8 and 11 I can hardly even remember my life before them, but I'm still certain I prefer my life now. Everything will be ok. This is the survival part, but in the not too distant future you WILL be able to start living again.

I combination fed for eight months. Every night my partner would take the baby and I would know I was off duty for at least a few hours. Knowing I didn't have to ALWAYS be to the one to feed the baby gave me the stamina to keep going as long as I did.

I know exactly how you’re feeling as I’ve been there! I remember desperately trying to give up BF when my DS was 2 months old but he never took a bottle so it didn’t end up happening.

Everything will get easier over time even if you change nothing. For me, by 4 months (it seems long away but it goes so fast and improvement incremental, not sudden) my DS was a joy and has been ever since! Nights are so exhausting and it’s very intense to exclusively BF.. it sounds like you’re having a tough time with it too, by all means you should formula feed and feel no guilt in doing so!