Newborn - I don't think I can do this.

[RapunzelHadExtensions]

DD is 2 weeks.

My tits are killing me, I've been admitted to hospital on IV antibiotics for a uterus infection, the house is a shit hole, the neighbours kids are feral and just woke her up when I'd finally got her down. I'm still on antibiotics and they wipe me out and I'm still feeling so ill.

DP is amazing, literally as I write this he is upstairs giving me a break with her wrapped to him. He's taken to it so easily and they already have such an amazing bond. I feel like she just sees me as a walking tit. I never thought I'd say this but I really wish I was formula feeding. It's wiping me out and makes me feel so ill.

I can't believe what I've done sometimes. I miss my old life. I love her so much and would die for her, but I just can't see any light and it's only been 2 weeks.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I feel like I've already hit and she's still only tiny. I'm a terrible mother.

Op is struggling

I breast fed all night and I absolutely hated it

this was her at 10am

so yes I did my reply

I support many exclusive bf mums. I have a client at the moment who ebf

but she is enjoying bf. Wants to bf

and going by op reply this am, she isn’t enjoying

Thank you.

We have gone onto FF and expressed bottles.

I had my last MW appointment yesterday before being discharged. She was lovely and said what with the infection and the mastitis it's absolutely the right thing for now to slow down and get back some happiness for all of us. DD herself was miserable, apparently the antibiotics I'm on can make my breast milk have a metallic taste 😫

Yesterday was awful but I'd had 40 mins sleep as had persevered all night with the BFing. In the light of the morning I had a friend talk some sense into me. So now that's my decision. Still expressing and will pick back up when things are a bit brighter if I want to.

I'm so grateful to all of you.

Hoping the sleep gets more predictable soon.

Why can't they sleep in the night as well as they do in the day! 😂

I agree. It should be the mum’s choice. However I find far, far more women rushing to persuade mothers to stop breastfeeding than the other way round…

Probably because BFing is something your body has to physically commit and be in top physical form for, not to mention the social/support side of things.

Your posts aren't helping and I've made the decision to FF and express and won't be made to feel guilt by you, please take your opinions elsewhere.

I’m so glad you have decided you have had enough of bf and trying formula and expressing @RapunzelHadExtensions

and when feeling better if you want to try bf you can.

it isn’t the be and end all

yes obviously I will always support a mum who wants to bf and will help and advise anyway I can to get her to bf and baby to latch etc

if she wants to

I hate it when posters like @BreatheAndFocus don’t listen to op aka the mum who has clearly had enough

I work with so many mums who get pushed into doing something they really don’t want to do anymore but often mention they have had enough and people say oh carry on trying. I did and I managed it and I see their mental health decline - sometimes babies failing to thrive but still midwife’s and health visitors saying it’s best for baby

those replies don’t help

it’s the mums choice and glad you had a lovely friend @RapunzelHadExtensions that you could speak to and support you 💐💐

Bless you OP, I remember these feelings well with my first! Firstly congratulations on your baby, you’ve had a hard time of it and it’s not surprising your feeling how you are. If you really feel like you would do better formula feeding then go for it, but be mindful to do it with support in case of infection and mastitis, you may need to stop gradually over a few days. However i do remember the first few weeks of breastfeeding being so so difficult with very sore boobs but it does get much much easier and I found it much more convent than bottle feeding (FF my first, BF my second), so if breastfeeding is something you would like to continue, know that it most likely will get a lot easier, ask your infant feeding team for support.

Im glad to hear that your partner is being supportive, it’s so important to have good support around you right now, but please remember that he has not given birth, hasn’t had the huge hormone fluctuations, isn’t struggling by with painful breastfeeding or dealing with infections, so please don’t think he’s better than you at parenting, he’s simply dealing with less!

I can't see her trying to guilt you OP. I actually found that when people said just stop BF when I was struggling, it completely overlooked how hard my newborn was and I felt like people just weren't listening. This forum is very very anti BF and it drove me mad and maybe she's trying to offer a balanced view.

If I had stopped BF when people.told me to, we would have been in deep trouble as his colic and constant, constant inconsolable crying (which still rings in my ears and frankly puts me off ever having a second baby) was due to CMPA. So putting him on formula would have made him initially very sick and then we would have spent weeks trying out different prescription formulas. I had to stop asking for advice and do my own research as everyone just said stop BF and get some rest. Cutting dairy out of my diet fixed everything within a week. Well, it fixed the crying and the lack of sleep, babies are still hard for a long long time!!!

I wish I could have put my baby on formula tbh at certain points in time, I have nothing against it and I'm glad you made your choice and it's helping. But your posts putting down BF and women who BF aren't very balanced either.

You've made the right decision for yourself and your baby and that is all that matters right now.

If you continue expressing, maybe down the line when you are ready, you can pick up breastfeeding again (only if this is what you want!)

I think people can provide their own perspectives on why they did/ did not BF without being pushy. One personal experience doesn’t mean a lot unless you’re using it to be supportive, tbh. Goes for both sides of the argument.

What can be agreed on (I hope) is that a mother’s happiness is paramount, and OP is trying to make some positive decisions for her, and ergo her child. Saying that people push one way but not another, providing a commentary on the pro/ anti breastfeeding lobby, how supportive the government is for bf’ing etc is not helping…it’s just projection.

OP, if you’ve made a decision, it’s the right one. If it’s permanent or temporary, it’s still right. The aim of the game is to get through the tough stuff so you can break through to the REALLY important things - building a relationship with your baby, physically and mentally recovering, creating a routine, and ultimately being there through thick and thin for your child, from now until, well, forever. When they come to you for advice and comfort in their 30’s, you won’t be thinking about how you fed them as a newborn. Really.

The nights will get easier, it honestly sounds like you just have a light sleeper. My first was the same…I got through it eventually and, hand on heart, they change every 3 months. The smug ones with great sleepers (which is me this time round with my 2nd) won’t necessarily be in a good place when theirs are a year old. Nothing is set in stone with babies! In the same vein….ignore the “rod for your own back” people. Hold your baby as much as you want, let them sleep where they want, feed them as much as they want. It’s all good.

Hope you get to a more relaxed place. Promise it’s all worth it, and then some. After a really hard start, the joy my DD1 brings everyday is just….like I don’t know what I did to deserve it. 🥹

If it’s your decision, then that’s great. It should always be the mother’s decision, which was what I was saying. You’ve decided what’s best for you and that’s the way it should be. Wishing you well.

@BreatheAndFocus I actually find it the opposite on here. Lots of people try to convince someone who is clearly struggling to go to a lactation expert, keep going regardless of the Mums wellbeing.

You could have a breastfed baby with a Mum who is a shadow of her former self & barely able to function. I think a well rested Mum is going to be able to deal better with a baby & feel happier in herself. OP has a supportive partner who can now help with feeding.

OP nobody asks how a baby was fed once you are out of the baby stage.

I have 2 kids and came on to say switch to Formula.

Then I saw you'd decided this yourself.

Good. If you need permission- this is your permission.

I've posted about this before but I decided on "having a good go at breastfeeding".
But what is a good go?
I persisted for 4 months. I went to the stupid groups you describe, got on a weekly lactation clinic on nhs, saw private lactation consultants (plural!), did tongue tie release twice... bought x y and z.... it went on and on.

I posted on here and was told to "keep going" and encouraged to push on at 3 month breastfeeding was basically established

The midwifes came every 48hrs to berate me and weigh her for a month until she regained birth weight which haunts me now. My 2nd also didnt regain birth weight for a month despite being ff from the off but I got less abuse about what a shit job i was doing as he was in hospital and the feeding were tracked so I couldnt be blamed.

I was triple feeding by the end for 8 /10 hrs a day and was a fucking shell of a human.
Switching to formula was accidental (i was unexpected away from the baby for 72 hrs and forgot the pump) it was so transformative I just took cabergoline with my 2nd and went straight to formula as I couldnt bear a repeat scenario.

You can stop.
Given you need to return to work at 6m I would also say its the right choice.

In terms of childcare i'd really recommend seeing local childminders as well as nurseries. If you find a good they are much better and more flexible than an average nursery imo. Ie take them with minor illness, can tailor days activities to your child, wont fine you if you are 15 mins late one day.