Newborn - I don't think I can do this.

[RapunzelHadExtensions]

DD is 2 weeks.

My tits are killing me, I've been admitted to hospital on IV antibiotics for a uterus infection, the house is a shit hole, the neighbours kids are feral and just woke her up when I'd finally got her down. I'm still on antibiotics and they wipe me out and I'm still feeling so ill.

DP is amazing, literally as I write this he is upstairs giving me a break with her wrapped to him. He's taken to it so easily and they already have such an amazing bond. I feel like she just sees me as a walking tit. I never thought I'd say this but I really wish I was formula feeding. It's wiping me out and makes me feel so ill.

I can't believe what I've done sometimes. I miss my old life. I love her so much and would die for her, but I just can't see any light and it's only been 2 weeks.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I feel like I've already hit and she's still only tiny. I'm a terrible mother.

Bottle feeding

Breastfeeding is another way to o make women feel bad about themselves

In the long-term breastfeeding makes zero difference

Luckily the newborn phase doesn’t last long! Feels like it, but it will be over by Christmas.

My DC is 4 months. I promise you it is going to get better, and quickly. This is the biggest adjustment you'll ever go through and it takes a little while to settle into your new life together.

Being honest, if you want to breastfeed, you need to be totally dedicated and be prepared to push through the hard parts. Don't let anyone tell you breastfeeding doesn't hurt. It does for a while, while your nipples adjust and toughen up. It is also an enormous sacrifice and your autonomy and independence are seriously restricted as a result. Me and DC had a very difficult few months, and I've struggled with pain and resentment at times, but I'm so happy I stuck with it and I look forward to feedings now.

It is totally completely absolutely OK to decide not to do it and switch to formula. Trust your instincts as a Mother to know what's best for you and your baby.

Solidarity x

That simply is not true, but no one should be made to feel bad for their choice.

Please excuse the lengthy post taken from Google AI:

Breastfeeding rates in the UK, specifically in England, are among the lowest in the world, with only around 0.5% of babies still breastfeeding at one year, compared to a global average of about 38% of children receiving any breastmilk. While a significant majority of UK mothers initiate breastfeeding, rates drop sharply, with only about 34% breastfeeding at six months, contrasting sharply with countries like Senegal (99%) and Germany (23%). This stark difference is often attributed to insufficient government support, aggressive formula marketing, cultural attitudes, and a lack of workplace accommodations for nursing mothers.

Breastfeeding Rates: UK vs. Worldwide
United Kingdom (England):
Initiation: Over 80% of new UK mothers attempt to breastfeed for the first feed.

Six Months: By six months, this rate falls to around 34%.

One Year: The rate at one year is extremely low, with only about 0.5% of babies still breastfeeding.

Worldwide Averages (Global Figures):
Six Months: Globally, approximately 48% of infants are exclusively breastfed for the first six months of life.

Contrast: In many low- and middle-income countries, more than half of one-year-olds are still breastfeeding.

Examples of Higher Rates
Germany: Around 23% of babies are breastfed at one year.

Brazil: Approximately 56% of babies are breastfed at one year.

Senegal: A remarkable 99% of one-year-olds are still breastfeeding.

Factors Contributing to Low Rates in the UK
Cultural Factors:
Societal attitudes and a lack of public breastfeeding spaces can make mothers feel uncomfortable and unsupported.

Formula Marketing:
Aggressive and unethical marketing by formula companies creates a barrier to breastfeeding by promoting formula as a superior alternative, according to the World Cancer Research Fund and others.

Lack of Government Action and Support:
The UK has not fully implemented WHO guidance, such as the Code of Marketing of Breast-milk Substitutes, to restrict formula advertising. There is also a shortage of trained breastfeeding specialists and support groups. _

Workplace Support:
A lack of legal rights for working mothers to have paid breaks and facilities for breastfeeding contributes to early cessation.

I would use formula. I could have been the anti poster girl for breastfeeding. I was literally black and blue and had supply side issues. My husband was really keen that I continue with our first. With our second, he came in and said we really need to knock the breast feeding thing on the head and get the baby into a routine. Frankly both babies were so glad to get a bottle with an ample supply, they were hanging on to those bottle with their little hands in case somebody tried to take it off them.

Oh God, reading your post has taken me right back to those newborn days. So bloody hard. I remember with my first being two weeks in I’m wondering what an earth I had done choosing this in life!

I had trouble with breastfeeding too, and it nearly broke me. I quit at a similar point to where you are now. I splashed out on one of those fancy bottle making machines and never looked back to be honest! I didn’t feel stressed anymore and it meant that DH could take over and I could go in the spare room and have a sleep!

I’m not saying that what was right for me is right for you, but please know that there’s no shame in giving up. Bottle feeding absolutely saved my sanity.

My kids are school age now and robust healthy little things. DH and I always joke it’s all that breastfeeding I did (with DC2 I tried only v briefly and was much more comfortable giving up). You will get to the other side, I promise.

Sending love and strength x

@RapunzelHadExtensions hope you’re doing better today and managed to get some sleep somewhere.

you’re not alone - those early days are super hard - the lack of sleep, the hormones , the WTF just happened to my body, the anxiety about SIDS, wanting your precious baby to stay perfect and worrying that anything you do will fuck them up and then all the visitors and messages etc.

Your main job is to recover and rest - that’s very important. Your body has been through a lot. Whatever it takes to survive - you do that. I was also shocked by how painful breastfeeding was and I’m a doctor and went on two online breastfeeding “courses”. So painful that my dcs first feed was formula and after 5 days we combi fed with expressed milk so DH could do night feeds. Luckily expressing came easy and supply wasn’t an issue but if it was I would have switched to combi with formula and that would have worked just as well. In the long run it was a LIFESAVER because dc took a bottle from the off - I’m v independent and it meant I could go and do a few things for me very early on which is very difficult when you’re cluster feeding.

As others have said if you don’t want to bf anymore please do what’s best for you - express / mixed or completely switch to formula. I would also say that I personally found the community infant feeding teams an absolute lifesaver and think every bf mum should be sent there at least once even if everyhring seems to be working perfectly - they have lots of tips on how to get a better latch and different bf positions all which might make it slightly easier. My personal experience is that after 3 weeks it was sooo much better and long term I really enjoyed bf. This is not to dissuade you from switching but just to let you know it’s normal for it to be hard at the beginning - you’re in the trenches but you will honestly blink and your baby will be 8 weeks then 12 weeks then 6 months - it doesn’t feel like it but I promise you it goes soo quickly. The saying the nights are long and the years are short is so so true. You can and will do it - as several women before have done. You’ve got this , you’re doing an amazing job and are the perfect parent your little one needs x

Also meant to add that the community infant feeding team can also check if there’s a problem like a tongue tie which can make bf particularly painful a I was referred and seen at 3 weeks at which point things were already improving but important to get help early. If you’re thinking about doing some mixed feeding I would strongly suggest googling where your nearest one is

Speak to your midwive, you don't want how you currently feel (a rational response to an unbearable situation) to spiral down into PND. It's good that your DP hs doing lots with the baby but he also needs to be looking out for you and your health as well and that involves advocating for you with the HCPs as well as taking on some of the load.

At 3 weeks DH and I both cried together and said “what have we done”. Our baby has ruined our life. I absolutely agree that this will pass but it’s really really fucking hard in those early days. After a year of “we’re never having another child” we conceived our second and there are 23 months between them. No aged 4 and 2 things look so so different from those early days (still have their challenges sure).

As for breastfeeding I absolutely agree with PP to use formula (or express or combi feed as is your preference) if it will benefit your mental health. I will say I had two different breastfeeding experiences. My first had a mild tongue tie that wasn’t bad enough to snip. I combi fed for a while, particular when cluster feeding, to give my nipples a break. My nipples bled and were constantly blistered, I persevered, but DC was 16w before it was comfortable. With my second he latched immediately and whilst it feels like breaking in new shoes at first, was comfortable from the get go.

Rest, sleep, and keep talking about how you feel.

I haven’t read all the replies so apologies if I’m duplicating another PP’s reply but have you had LO checked for thrush? It’s very common if you or she has had antibiotics and would explain the terrible pain you’re having feeding. I’m speaking from experience (DD had an infection requiring antibiotics at 8 days old and developed thrush). Look for white patches in her mouth.
You have my sympathy. I was stubborn and continued BF but looking back it was the wrong decision for the time as I began to hate feeding time. A pain-free cuddle with a bottle would have been sooo much better!
Get DD checked and both of your treated if there’s any chance of thrush (drops for her mouth and cream for your nipples) and move to combi feeding. If all goes well, you can switch so that you’re BF more and bottle feeding less when you’re feeling a bit better (and still want to).
You've been through a lot and need to prioritise your recovery. You’ll get there - these first weeks are the hardest (oh and the teen years but let’s not worry about that just yet!).

Breastfeeding was really important to me and I did it till each kid was two, but had to do some combi-feeding in the early days with both. C-sections and they didn't gain enough weight and in the case of DS 2 had bad reflux that meant he couldn't be put down without screaming and wouldn't stay with DH long enough for me to get even a couple of hours sleep. Both times I transitioned back off the formula and went back to ebf till six months. BF is only the best thing for you if it's the best thing for you so I'm not trying to push it on you, just saying that if you try the combi and give yourself a much-needed break it's not necessarily the end of BF.

I was the exact same with my last baby. Breast feeding was really hurting and I tried everything to help it. I just felt like she was constantly attached to me and I couldn’t bond with her. After 2 and half weeks I gave up and started formula feeding her. I felt so much better and started to bond with her and my mental health was so much better

Things will get easier!! If you want to keep breastfeeding get in touch with a lactation consultant rather than just using midwives/ health visitors for help. Breastfeeding is hard to start with but with support is gets much easier around 3/4 weeks and by 6 weeks is easier than formula so you've done a lot of the hard part already!

You're doing an amazing job, try and let go of any expectations of yourself or your baby. You are both figuring it out already. Baby doesn't even know the are a separate person to you yet, they just want to be close to you. Your milk smells and tastes of the womb so it's natural for them to seek that comfort from you. Just skin to skin as much as you can and lean into it - it will be over before you know it.

The first few weeks can be exhausting, OP, and you’ve had illness on top of that. No wonder you’re shattered and struggling! It’s not the breastfeeding, it’s the early weeks. In fact, a friend formula fed from birth and her baby was more ‘demanding’ than mine. The HV said he was just “high needs”.

Prioritise - sleep and food for you. It sounds like your DH is being great so that’s a positive. Ignore the house being a shit heap. It doesn’t matter and it won’t be for ever. Even if you can’t sleep, make sure you’re resting during the day. It’s good for mental and emotional health.

It does get easier week by week x

Thank you all again. I'm reading these in the middle of a massive cluster feeding episode of DD, I was shivering with chills and I ache all over with a weird new shooting pain through my uterus which tbh I'm trying to ignore😫

Your support has got me through a horrible night.

DP just gave her a bottle and tbh she seemed to prefer it to the breast. No pulling off and screaming and leaking it down the side of her face making her arms all wet, the poor thing.

I'm going to a breastfeeding meet up class thing today with DSis to see if they can help. I'm not going to mention the bottle I don't want to feel worse than I already do.

I know what you mean, and combi is the plan for now at least. She needs to start taking a bottle at some point anyway as I have no choice but to go back to work in 6 months.

@RapunzelHadExtensions - I know you’re on antibiotics but shivering with chills, aching all over and shooting abdominal pain I don’t think is completely normal. Please check your temperature at home and speak to midwives - you may need new blood tests.

just to reassure you when I went to the breastfeeding support - they were very supportive of us combi feeding - this shouldn’t be some dirty little secret - it’s completely normal. Just think of babies who are in neonatal support - they’re all given bottles - whether expressed or formula - please don’t feel shame and remember happy mama = happy baby!

Is there anything other than the feeding / infection we can help with! Mumsnet can be a great source of support and just knowing you’re not alone - I found it v useful when mine was a newborn!

I agree that you shouldn’t be shivering with chills and aching, do get some medical advice today if you can.

I combi fed my 3rd for various reasons, it’s all ok as long as you’re healthy and the baby is fed. I then switched to formula, that was also totally fine.

Go easy on yourself, you’re doing a grand job keeping this tiny person alive. The house mess and all the other stuff doesn’t matter at all

The newborn stage is incredibly hard, especially when it's your first baby. I found breastfeeding incredibly painful to begin with and almost stopped when my first was about a month old. I remember thinking, "If it doesn't get better soon I will have to stop and switch to formula." When he was about 6 weeks old it suddenly stopped hurting and I was able to breastfeed him until he self weaned at 15 months.

One thing that really helped me in the early days was using nipple shields just for the beginning of the feed. He had a tendency to bite down on my nipples and suck really hard until the milk came easily, and that was the most painful part for me. I started putting the nipple shields on and then quickly unlatching my baby and removing the shield and relatching him a couple of minutes into the feed, and that really helped.

I also found that everyone raved about Lansinoh cream but it clogged my nipples up and made things so much worse for me. I remember one day crying in the shower as I used a muslin to scrape all the gunk off. My nipples were rubbed raw after that but the milk came out much more easily afterwards and I never used anything but breast milk to moisturise my nipples again.

That said, there's no shame in switching to formula. No one can tell the difference between an adult who was breastfed and an adult who was formula fed.

When my baby was born, I combi fed from the outset even though I was dead set on breastfeeding before my baby was born.

I had a difficult first few weeks with an emergency c-section and a couple of hospital stays with the baby.

I started breastfeeding again at 6/7 weeks and then EBF at around 9/10 weeks. At the 6/7 week mark, the cluster feeding almost broke me as I am really independent, love going out but literally couldn't move from the sofa as the baby was feeding every two minutes (obviously at exaggeration but it felt like this!)

I posted about feeding options around that time so if you search my username, you should find the post. I had a really lovely response from MNers who all told me to prioritise myself and it made a huge difference. I was able to relax and then started to enjoy it once I took the pressure off.

Also, it feels like the end of the world now but this doesn't last forever. Leave the house as a tip or ask your DH, friends or family to come and help. I'd be more than happy to run a vacuum around a friends house if they needed me to, especially if recovering from giving birth.

You can do this! You should feel so proud of yourself and I am sure you have a really lovely baby!

Re : shivering and chills

I'd call the maternity unit, this doesn't sound right

Re: breastfeeding meetup and feeling worst than you do.

Don't entertain this shit. Your daughter needs you to be completely present to be able to look after her. Breast or not.

You don't have to breastfeed. Yes, they will tell you that breast is best etc at these classes and make you feel guilty. But they are not the ones up all night, event night, every hour with a screaming newborn!!

Hi all, thanks so much again.
I think my antibiotics are finally starting to kick in. But her sleep is awful and I've had barely 45 mins the last two nights.
I'm mostly BFing in the night, she had one bottle from DP at about 3am when my nipples were in too much pain and I'd hit a wall.
We're combi feeding in the day.

Can I ask what your nights looked like? At the moment I will do the feeds and DP will do the nappy changes, he gets more sleep than me cos of this but I'm still not totally on my own if that makes sense.

She sleeps fine in the day of course,

When did the day/night confusion get better for you? 😖