I could’ve written this back when my first was a newborn. It’s so, so f’ing hard, and I don’t believe anyone finds it completely natural or easy. There might be people who say they do, because society has told them they should. But they don’t.
2 weeks is still pretty raw….you’re literally learning about 100 new things per day and physically you’re nowhere near your normal. Hunker down and do what you need to do to get through it. That’s the advice I’d have given myself, anyway. I forced myself to have visitors, get up and do a normal morning routine, get changed, shower everyday, try and go out for a walk…and it wore. Me. Down. I’ve just had DC2 (6w now), and in the first weeks there were days I didn’t leave my bed, just sat reading and breastfeeding all day….and it was bliss. It does require a supportive partner to take over the chores etc., but luckily I have one and it seems like you do too.
When it comes to bf’ing, yeah it’s a mindfuck. I think because we’re all sort of led to believe babies drink Xmls X times a day and if they deviate from this then there’s something v wrong etc, and that just doesn’t work in bf’ing, there’s an automatic anxiety associated with milk supply etc that doesn’t exactly give you the self-confidence you need when learning a new skill. The physical pain of it, too, is something that just isn’t in the pamphlets (lest they discourage people?! Who knows) and it’s real and it’s hard and it’s fucked up. The only advice I have there is spend a little bit of time examining the baby’s latch (as infuriating it is to hear that), don’t let them on until their mouth is as wide as it can go (holding your nipple above their top lip, forcing them to open wide for it is what worked for me) and look after yourself in-between feeds. Drink all the water, eat all the calories, and feed as much as your baby wants. Find a good box set…I’ve gone through 3 seasons of White Lotus, watched all of this years Masterchef and am about to finish the Sopranos. Takes your mind off the bf’ing when it’s not the most pleasant / fulfilling to be doing. There’ll be times when it is….but that’s not right now, and that’s ok.
Lastly and most importantly is that perfectionism is the enemy of good. Bf’ing isn’t a panacea, you wouldn’t be failing your baby if you switched to formula. Reading some of the stuff out there, you’d think docs would be able to tell if someone was bf’d as a child based on their medical problems. They can’t. It’s not that deep. Same goes for every other aspect of parenting…there is no such thing as doing the right thing, only doing what’s right for you and your baby. And you, as the mother, are the one who gets to decide what that is, because you know better than anyone.
Look after yourself, treat yourself right, keep the self-talk gentle and kind, and you’ll get through it. Remember, too, that if things get a little darker or feel more hopeless than they do hopeful, speak to your GP or health visitor. Everyone wants to help you.