My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

It’s not pathetic, but I’m still confused as to why you can’t have the same food as them when having a family meal and then have whatever else after she goes to bed?

Then you are very, very lucky because you biggest problem is readily fixable and in your hands. Take charge of your destiny OP.

Just want to say don’t be too hard on yourself, I’ve read your replies and I empathise. I’m around 215 pounds myself and understand how hard it is when you’re in the habit of reaching for certain foods. I downloaded an app called LazyFit and it has some easy manageable exercises to do based on your size. Best of luck with getting healthier

I think you’re confused, I never wrote that about sweaty hugs, please read things carefully.

You can eat healthily but just eat too much. People get fat from eating too many calories compared to what they need. Its not rocket science, it doesnt need to be from 'junk' as is per the stereotype.

It's not just what you look like on the outside, it's what's hsppening to your organs on the inside. Just because you can't see the damage doeasn't mean it's not there. You can't be very old, so if you want to live longer and be healthy, do it for yourself, you won't regret it.

I think you use this as a catalyst to get healthy!

You should say you're fat because you eat too much and don't move enough. And it makes you feel very uncomfortable.

But also make sure she knows that what's inside is most important and you shouldn't judge people based on their size. That they know they are big so don't need to hear it from others.

There’s a great Instagram account called ‘kids eat in colour’ that covers things like how to talk about food and weight etc.

I tell my son that people are different shapes and sizes and that bodies are amazing things and should all be celebrated.

I’ve recently gone on a bit of a nutrition and exercise kick because I want to have more energy and feel fitter but been very careful not to talk about weight and calories etc around him and I don’t categorise food into good or bad / healthy or unhealthy around him.

Why don’t you look at OA they don’t judge and will be able to offer advice whether it is an Eating /medical or self esteem issue you will find a non -judgmental group of people !

You're daughters questions aside, you're also massively shortening your life span. You will possibly die younger than if you were at a healthy weight to put it bluntly, are you really saying you would rather eat shit food than enjoy your life with your daughter, grandchildren etc? Nothing is more important to your daughter than your health, you don't have to be a tiny size 2 but just a healthy decent weight. I read that you're trying to change, I think that needs to be an action you take soon. You could say to your daughter that you would like to get healthier so that you have more energy, and your breathing is easier and that you'll work on it. Come at it from a health angle rather than you want to be less fat

Come on, pull yourself together and think of your child for fucks sake.

No-one wants a fat mum and get teased or bullied over it.

We all love the wrong food, but there comes a time when you have to stop.

I would be honest with her - don’t speak negatively about yourself but also don’t speak negatively about being slim and eating healthy ( I can tell by your post you wouldn’t ) .

I get from your posts that you are aware that you are obese because of your diet. I think you need to be honest with her. If you struggle to eat healthy / lose weight- be honest.

Tell her that you sweat more and you can’t play as much because that is what can happen if you are obese . Explain that you didn’t want that for her so that’s why you have implemented a healthy diet and - if this is your feelings - say , you find it difficult to eat healthy because you are used to eating unhealthy foods and that they are addictive and you wish someone had helped you to have a healthy diet when you were younger so that’s why you did it for her. Just be honest.

Oh OP, I can really hear the sadness in your posts. But you know what is amazing? You can change. Honestly. I have struggled with my weight all my adult life. I've been all different sizes and back again. I pretty much kept it under control until I turned 50 and then it started to go up again, until last year when I was a size 20 (I have been bigger in the past). I'm now a size 10. I'd been telling myself I couldn't lose the weight because of the menopause etc, but I wasn't really trying. I don't go hungry, I just eat plenty of lean protein, flavoured with spices rather than sauces and lots of veggies or salad. For snacks I have berries with some natural yogurt or a babybel or a hard boiled egg. I don't drink sugary drinks. I have to stick to it all of the time and limit treats, but it's worth it when the weight comes off. You don't even have to change much to start noticing a difference. Sweets are lovely, but they mess up your blood sugar and make you crave more sugar. You can actually eat more by swapping to healthier, but still tasty foods.
You absolutely can do it, but stop beating yourself up. You are worthy, no matter what size you are. If you eat something fattening, don't berate yourself, just make a healthier choice next time. You are not disgusting or terrible because you like sweets and fats - they are designed to taste amazing and hook you, they are comforting, but actually offer you very little in the way of nutrition. Good luck op. Definitely worth seeing your GP too as the jabs might help you too.

In the nicest way possible, why are you eating separate meals? It probably seems odd to her and others. If you’re able to make healthy meals for her and her dad then why aren’t you eating them too? It almost seems like self punishment to make yourself eat something unhealthy and different whilst watching them eat better :(

On a separate note you are pregnant and sound exhausted and hormonal too!

It's great the rest of the family eat healthy as it makes it easier for you.
Do it for your daughters. Do it for your husband. But also, do it for you and look forward to a better future.

I’ve lost 4.5 stone on Mounjaro and I’m a much better mum for it. And I always thought I was a ‘sweaty person’ or ‘menopause.’ But nope, turns out just fat!

I’m not skinny now but so much happier. And my daughter (11) is really pleased I’ve looked after myself and become more healthy because they do worry.

@littlepinkbow2025 I would be very worried about the weight you are carrying. every pound overweight you are, your blood has to travel 22 miles further. think of the stress that is putting on your heart. if you are already type 2 diabetic, you can reverse this by losing the weight too! your children are young and I am sure you do not want to leave them without a mother. my son has just lost 6 stone since october without the use of injections, doctors or dieticians. just cut out high calorie drinks and started eating normal portions of normal food. still goes to all you can eat restaurants but only eats one plate which is not overflowing. you too can do this and make your girls proud of you. x

Ok, not pulling any punches here...
Your obesity is not 'unfortunate ' it's an active choice you have made by eating the wrong food for too long. I love a good burger/fish and chips and could plough my way through a bag of marshmallows BUT... these actions are now having an impact on your child's life by you not being able to play with her. This should be an absolute wake up call for you to seek help in losing the weight to be able to participate in your child's life otherwise why did you have her? I'm sorry to say but you are behaving selfishly and for the sake of your family, health, and possibly marriage it needs to change. Go and see your doctor for help, get therapy to address your behaviour and please try and turn your life around. I cannot imagine eating entirely separate foods to the rest of my family if not for medical reasons knowing the impact it was having on a young child, it's wrong on so many levels.

I am also very overweight. I’ve just started Mounjaro and the weight is starting to come off, it’s exciting. It affects your brain so that you don’t feel hungry or get food cravings which makes a a huge difference! If you took it and ate the same as your OH and DD I think you’d do very well!

I have 2 daughters both adults. One is adopted, has ADHD and is overweight. The other is a birth child and very slim. I am overweight but not obese. I brought them up exactly the same with same foods and eating habits. At the age they received pocket money/ dinner money/Saturday jobs and became more in control of what they ate the older one gained weight quickly and the other one didn't. Nothing we tried helped her reduce her weight. We also have an adopted son who is a normal weight. You actually have less control than you think. A lot of obesity is genetic, my DH is also very slim. She is now using using MJ and this is helping her lose weight. Be honest with your daughter. It's about your body image not hers.

I think her questions are somewhat legitimate - just answer them honestly?? I can’t really think of why you wouldn’t eat with them tbh unless it’s due to some sort of medical intolerance issue. I’d just answer them honestly.. I can’t see why she would be curious if you don’t eat with them; it’s quite an unusual behaviour I think and maybe she’s old enough to have noticed now.

I should add that the older one is actually morbidly obese not just overweight.

echoing a few others on here, but I hit the Mounjaro after never being able to lose any weight, a very sweet tooth.
Have gone from 40in waist to 34, and from XL to M in tops. I'd like to say I have way more energy, but that would be a lie as I'm constantly running a calorie deficit, but my arthritis is better and my joints won't need replacing (or I've pushed it back a decade).
It is expensive, but mine kind of pays for itself as I now don't eat lunch.
I hated being fat and I didn't need my kids to tell me what I already knew, hated myself and now I don't and I don't feel like I cheated either, science just helped!

So do I, I love eating crap. But I’ve now made an active choice to not eat as many of those things and eat better food. That’s what you need to do, for yourself and for your daughter. Especially if her friends are mentioning how fat you are.