My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

Hello there, I wrote down everything ate and worked out I was eating over 3500 calories easily each day. I went to a calorie deficit of 1600 and do exercise every day. I walk 10,000 steps and weight train. I feel much better but im sat on the sofa and now i want a slice of cheesecake. Im not going to have one but I know a wee piece as a treat once in while is a ok. Lots of veg and I actually eat lunch now. I didn't before

@littlepinkbow2025 this is a really useful book for helping to break the habits of eating 'unhealthy', processed, greasy foods.

It explains why it's so hard and how you can overcome it

https://amzn.eu/d/d9rOLkN Ultra Processed People: why do we all eat stuff that isn't food...and why can't we stop? By Chris van Tullekan

It's mind boggling how many mumsnetters are seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that food addiction is a real thing, and should be regarded as any other medical condition.

Which is bizarre given how many people on mumsnet have an alcohol addiction.

It's great that you love the life you currently have. I think that will help with therapy.

It's important to address you past and don't hide it from your daughter either. Say you had a difficult childhood and that you slipped into unhealthy habits, but that you are getting help for these.

There is nothing wrong with also liking greasy food and sweet stuff. We have kind of evolved to like it. However, do you not like any of the food your husband and daughter are eating? What about walking? Could that be a habit to get into? Start with just 15 minutes a day. It's a great stress reliever and also clears your mind.

I think your GP would the best place to start.

They’re good questions.
time to change your lifestyle girl.
on the Mounjaro train for you.
come on.

Hello you've done so great and should be very proud of yourself. It's no easy feat and is definitely a long hard road to go on.
It's funny until you calculate the calories you don't even realise what's going in.
I started last week but came down with an awful bug.
I'm so inspired by your weightloss.
Thank you for your honesty 😊

Thank you. You are very kind. For me it ws making the choice to do it. I can fit in size 12s and some 10s. Ive got a bit more to lose but im on the way

You're absolutely right. McDonald's even have to sell bags of slimy carrots these days because it turns out no one likes the chips.

She will love you as you are her mum. But, you need to show your love for her by eating more healthily or you are likely to get health problems and possibly die much younger. I understand your problem with liking sweets and fatty food..I am the same. I did lose weight once by not watching any food ads on tv, not buying any food over five percent fat and any treat had to be a hundred calories or less. If I could do that…so can you. I know it’s not easy. I am not obese but have several health issues which come from being overweight. Your daughter might become embarrassed but she will always love you,

Great. Keep going😊
I'm going to stay at it too😊

What an amazing, inspiring post.

Even though you like greasy and sugary things OP it’s not as simple as that, and anyone who has been overweight on and off throughout life knows it’s often tied to so much more.

I have a friend who has been in a similar position, and has worked really hard to get to 15 stone from 20 stone. It has had a positive impact on her fitness and health of course but also on her ability to play with the kids.

HOWEVER, she has always been the most wonderful engaged and caring mum, and has always been open with the kids about needing to make better food/health choices. She has also always instilled that everyone has a right to be respected regardless of appearance and does not ever speak about her own body badly to her daughters.

I have had to work hard on separating my emotions from food, and my self worth from appearance. Coming from a family that was very loving but lots of internalised criticism and shame re weight

Smoothies… i dropped half a stone in weeks x

Brightlittlecanary, you are right. I read back through the quote history and I have been confusing you with Selflessness who was the author of 'Who wants a sweaty fat hug?' which I found so rude in it's implication that an overweight person couldn't give good hugs and contrary to my own personal experience.

I can see where I went wrong. When you criticised my critique of Selflessness disrespectful stereotyping, I assumed that you were one and the same, stepping up to defend your prejudice. My apologies.

Having said that, when you criticised me for bringing weight into the argument, you seem to have missed the fact that this was not a premise that originated with me; I was responding directly to the weightist agenda of Selfless. It was almost as if you hadn't read the post from Selflessness that I was critiquing.

Oh well! Sorry, again. We're all only human.

You need to go on Mounjaro. It will help you to stop craving sugar and greasy food. It really works. Please do it, for them.

My husband doesn't say much about my weight because he knows how sensitive I am about my weight.

I think I would take it as an ooortunity to make changes. I say this because I was 302lbs in January and I finally felt motivated to diet. I take an injection and for people who call it cheating jog on, the side effects are horrific and life changing to get used to. That said, paying for them and using them motivates me in a way I can’t seem to maintain healthily otherwise. I’ve dieted before successfully but not in a safe and sustainable way. Now I don’t feel hunger pangs or cravings so I can make better choices and I swim three times a week.

I’ve dropped 55pbs in 6 months and I feel so much more alive! I didn’t realize how hard it is carrying around the extra fat everywhere. My knees hurt going upstairs. I can now walk my dog for long walks and enjoy it!

it’s so worth it even just to lose some.

It's so amazing that you were able to do that.

It gives me hope to hear that.

I like greasy foods, there you go.
I don't eat it daily, love a fish and chip with a portion of mushie peas.
I think OP's answer was very honest, greasy food and sweet treats are enjoyable.

OP, you can do this, my Dsis lost 4.5, she has kept it off years, she rarely gets hungry now, she used slimming world receipes, replace sauces for spices, fry lite spray, plenty of pasta, potatoes, veg, grilled meat.

For breakfast she had pouched eggs, grilled tomato, mushrooms, onions, 3 bacon medallion, 1wholemeal toast.
You can make your own hash brownes.
It dropped off her rapidly.
Pasta, pesto, chicken for lunch.

Her fakeawaway curry is delicious.
She replaced fizzy drinks for a splash diluted juice.

She's 10 stone, 5'8 the last 5 years.

First of all, do you really want to lose weight?

It could be either one of 2, that your daughter sees you and gets as fat as you or that she's traumatised by food and gets body image and just wants to be skinny.

My mom was like you, and for me being obese was so normal that I gained so much weight, by 20 I was 300 lbs. It took a lot but in my 20's I had weight lose surgery, I got a loan, and had to do exercise and diet for a very long time but lost lots of weight. You have to see it as a lifestyle, not a diet. I now follow a low carb diet. I gained a lot during pregnancy but actively trying to lose it because I want my kid to see me slim and avoid him from getting body image issues or teasing at school.

If your weight is already stopping you from playing with her or doing activities with her, you should urgently try to lose weight for her and yourself.

I was fat and happy, mostly. But I have an 8 year old and want to be able to keep up with her. I have lost over 1/3rd of my weight with more to go. I am much happier now and she is paying more attention to what she eats too. Calorie deficit, avoiding sugar, lots of protein and beans for fibre, walking and weights. To each their own, but I'd be gutted if my kid was asking those questions.

Don't think in terms of going on a diet, because that carries the concept of it ending, of coming off it - and going back to all the habits that caused the situation.

First, think of it as a permanent change in how you think:

"I'm going to achieve a healthy, comfortable weight that will protect my health, improve my family's quality of life, lengthen my life expectancy, reduce my likely need for medical treatment, make me feel and look better etc etc. And it's entirely doable."

This will help you feel more positive and excited about it, more in control, more resolute in chasing your goals.

And this will help you change your behaviour:

I made what I have decided are permanent changes, not a diet - I realised I can no longer eat what and the amount I ate before, now I'm in my sixties. I slowly piled on the weight over the last 20 years until I reached my heaviest ever two years ago. I decided a few months back I will not begin 2026 obese, slow, puffing, avoiding mirrors etc.

I'd also avoided the scales - but decided that whatever it read when I got on at the beginning of this would be A Good Thing - because it would be the first of many little steps.

I made a chart / graph in a pretty notebook with my ideal loss of 3lb a week as a line pencilled in, then my actual progress in red. Every weekend (only once a week so as not to get obsessed) I weigh in and put the result on the graph. And yes, I have bought a packet of gold stars and award myself one each weekend there is a loss. I like looking at my graph and my little stars.

I've changed habits, little ones, here and there. I stopped getting the pastry every time I ordered a cappuccino. I don't have three meals a day, and I don't eat late. Alcohol occasionally. Yes, I like fish and chips, cakes, chocolate biscuits - so I might have something at the weekend. Not every day.

Porridge & fruit for breakfast . Dinner is a good piece of protein - fish, eggs, cheese, beans etc, some carbs - potatoes, rice, pasta etc in smaller portions than I used to, and shedloads of vegetables/salads. I bake and grill rather than fry. Fruit for pudding. No random snacking. And no gimmicky and pricey meal replacement nonsense.

I really look at the calorie count on packaging. That cheese triple sandwich I used to get as a snack/meal deal? It's 600+ calories!

I walk as much as possible - now thinking I might like to go to a gym or a dance class as I notice the differences in how I look and feel.

It's not about being obsessed - it's about being mindful and thoughtful about my choices and their implications.

So I'd say - take the first step. Get the pretty notebook and the stars (that's you, that is).

Do the first weigh in. Celebrate whatever it reads as Step One.

Draw the graph (weight in stones and lbs or kgs, whatever speaks most to you , on the left, weekly dates along the bottom and draw in a reasonable weekly little loss goal.

Make all your food choices mindful, bearing all your goals in mind.

Be excited and positive about it and give yourself a star for every single pound down.

It's a journey not a transformation scene. Welcome to the journey.

At least make an effort. Couldn't you eat the same as oh and daughter 2/3 day's a week, for a while, then gradually increase days and just have one day that you eat rubbish food. You want to be there to see her grow up don't you? So at least give it a chance.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. The greasy food and sweets are not worth it.

You back on the scene Kate?