French shopkeeper thinks English parenting is terrible

[Turquoiseforever]

Long one sorry, but I've included details to try and give an accurate picture!

Holidaying in France currently and have had a memorable incident in a shop today that has given me some food for thought, just interested in other people's thoughts on this.

Gave my oldest kids (3 & 6) €5 each to buy a souvenir of their choice at our local seaside town. Most shops turned out to be quite bougie and aimed at adults, but saw one which looked hopeful. Had an A-frame sign outside with a plastic colourful beach windmill on it, and a rack of children's clothes. Went in and quickly realised it was again full of very valuable things. At one end was a basket of handmade crocheted teddies, handmaid kids clothing, and some wooden toys. The kids took a look at the teddies, picked one up each then sat in two kids chairs holding them on their laps for a few minutes while I had a quick look round the shelves around them. We had a look at a few other things together, for full disclosure: when we entered my 3yo picked up a very delicate cup which I quickly set down and reminded her not to do. As we were leaving my 6yo very gently pointed out a necklace to me on a very flimsy stand that started to tip over, which I caught before it fell and set upright again. They looked at a few other things without incident or touching.

We didn't spend long, said merci and went on our way. About 10 mins later a lady from the shop approached us in the street and informed me my kids had broken two toys in her shop. We went back with her and found out that the rabbit teddies they had been holding had some very thin toothpick-like sticks of wood in each ear (to shape them a bit) which had been broken by my daughters twisting the ears, pretending to give them a 'hair style'. I had no idea at all they had been broken. Obviously this is my responsibility and error of judgement, and was totally correct to be brought to my attention.

However, the lady also subjected me to a rant about how French children would NEVER pick things up in a shop, they are taught "limits", whereas all summer she has had English, German etc children visiting and breaking things and being given "no limits" by their parents. Complained we had left the place a mess and her husband had to tidy behind us, because the teddies were placed back in the basket but not sat upright as previously displayed (I had set the chairs back carefully but admittedly been distracted from checking the basket).

I pushed back (calmly!) on her generalised critique of my parenting, and she said she has just lost patience after a summer full of similar experiences and essentially admitted this lecture wasn't personal. Still, it was pretty heavy handed to give in public in front of my children and other customers.

To be clear I know I made an error. We had been in a few quite breakable shops already which required heavy parenting, and I guess I saw an opportunity for a quick relief for us all. Normally I would supervise my children looking at anything handmade, so it was a lax moment, but I did think they were just wool and stuffing and wouldn't suffer at all from light playing. Also, typically I wouldn't take my children into these kind of shops. They have never broken anything in a shop before!

I just wonder how humbled I should be. Did I just catch this lady on a really bad day? Was she a bit racist? Are french children really that obedient all the time? Should I strike it off as a bad day and move on without too much thought, or do I take the criticism on board more strongly and accept I should be stricter with things like this and re-evaluate my parenting?! Do we really have much lower standards in the UK?

It's a shame, we've had a lovely holiday but now I feel like we're not that welcome here and have been judged/looked down on in general. Do we really have a terrible reputation in France?

Kids shouldn't pick up anything in a shop that they're not going to buy. Agree with shop keeper this wasn't acceptable!
I'm British and wouldn't have let me kids do this, so I don't think it's a fair reflection on British parenting.

We live in a 'tourist town' in the UK. One of the worst things about summer here is the restless hoardes of french kids on school trips given seemingly hours of unchecked 'free time' to charge through shops, walk 4 abreast and force old people into the road, smoke in the parks etc.

Can't comment on the shopkeepers experiences, but to say French kids are def better behaved is a bit delusional

I work in a shop and when French children come in they are usually warned by their parents to be quiet and not touch ANYTHING! They are generally super quiet and polite and they do not touch or mess with anything in the shop. I cannot attest to the behaviour of English kids as we don’t get a lot but I always relax when I hear french as they will be quiet, respectful and efficient.

my favourite customers.

(fwiw it’s a book shop, books mostly in English)

so I don’t know OP how your DC behaved but it probably was not as french kids would have (my own dc wouldn’t have passed that test either despite my experience- and sympathy with fellow shop workers)

She over-reacted.

I agree with this. I am an (ugh) American but I never would have let my children play with the toys in a shop like that —a French shop to boot. French shopkeepers just don’t tolerate customers (adult or child) touching and disarranging things.

This. Also, I've taught in French middle schools and behaviour is appalling.

It sounds as though she was at the end of her tether that day already, and then the childrens’ visit was the last straw. Try not to dwell on it though.

I think French children can be more strictly brought up.

Her comments imo weren't xenophobic she's just complaining although rudely she's probably just frustrated.

When they're that young probably not the best to let them 'play' with things that are delicate and you don't intend on buying

She was right to reprimand you for allowing your kids to sit on chairs that are to be sold and to begin to twist the figures as well . Do you really not see what she was annoyed about . Doesn't really matter what nationality kids are if the parenting deems that behaviour OK . Guess she notices that French parents wouldn't allow it as opposed to tourists. Wonder why British tourists have a bad reputation? 🤔

I wouldn't go so far as to say your children were badly behaved as it sounds like they mainly followed your instructions and sat nicely.

However, I must say I really dislike the trend of parents letting their children touch and play with things they aren't going to buy, just because those things are for children. Personally, when i buy a stuffed animal for children, I don't want it to be touched by all the children who previously traipsed through that shop - its going to go on their bed and be cuddled so id like it as clean as possible please! If my children pick something like that up, I remind them that someone is going to buy that and won't want it handled by everyone else first and they put it back quickly. I think wipe clean things are less troublesome but it's still bad manners to treat it like it's yours when you haven't bought it.

This thread is just going to descend into a list of anecdotes about well behaved and poorly behaved British and French children.

It's all BS. You get good and bad parenting everywhere.

In op's anecdote, her children were allowed to behave badly in the shop. It's not great. But she doesn't represent all British people. It's just gross to make generalisations based on small numbers.

You could just as easily say (still with prejudice) that the badly behaved families in that tourist town had other stuff in common, like social class, age of parents, etc etc. It would still be BS

Blunderbuss, I agree about the tour bus kids (babysitting services!) but kids in á family group are very different.

maybe they go wild when unleashed as teens having been so repressed as kids 🧐

Whenever I went into a shop I was given strict instructions to touch nothing (“look, don’t touch”!). I did the same with my DS. Young children should not be handling things in shops at all (unless it’s perhaps a U.K. toy shop and even then that should be carefully supervised). They may not only break things accidentally but could also make their stock mucky, and disturb displays as the owner mentioned. Your children are not old enough to be touching things in shops.

The French lady has formed her opinion over multiple years experience of British lax/lady parenting which is sadly far too common in this country. So no I don’t think she was being “racist” (I think you mean xenophobic) to point out a correct observation.

Your DC should not have been holding toys or sitting on chairs you were not buying.

The whole backstory of going to buy a souvenir is irrelevant

I've also noticed that French teenagers on school trips in the UK behave horrendously, but have always assumed that this is down to them being away from their strict French parents!

1.English is not a race.
2.She mentioned at least one other nationality (German) and since you used etc. , possibly others too?
3.Your kids misbehaved. Maybe not in a way you consider significant, but enough to cause damage to things and annoyance to the shopkeepers.
4.Learn the lesson here rather than looking for offence or minimise the actual cause because “racism”. You look with your eyes in shops , unless otherwise indicated, especially in upscale places.

I agree

The kids took a look at the teddies, picked one up each then sat in two kids chairs holding them on their laps for a few minutes

That's so rude and inappropriate if you weren't going to buy them.

giving your child a toy to hold, that you don’t intend to buy, is bad parenting.

Did you offer to pay or actually buy the damaged toys? Actions speak louder than words. If they were really expensive I would not have allowed my children to touch them, let alone sit holding them. I think it's a 'you' problem not a British (or French) problem.

I live in a town where coach loads of french school tours roam the streets. I can report they are just as rude as our British teenagers.

That’s probably true. I don’t see the point of teaching children to be scared of your reaction vs actually teaching the right from wrong though. I measure the success of my parenting by how my kids behave when I’m not with them.

Agree with PP, if you have no intention of buying them it wasn't appropriate to let your children play with them. It's a shop not a stay and play.

That said they sound like a poor design for a child's toy if they are so easily broken.

French Children are always impeccably behaved, and French women are always slim and stylish and beautiful.
French men are incredible lovers and in France, they are all multilingual and sophisticated

The shopkeeper was right about you and your children.