French shopkeeper thinks English parenting is terrible

[Turquoiseforever]

Long one sorry, but I've included details to try and give an accurate picture!

Holidaying in France currently and have had a memorable incident in a shop today that has given me some food for thought, just interested in other people's thoughts on this.

Gave my oldest kids (3 & 6) €5 each to buy a souvenir of their choice at our local seaside town. Most shops turned out to be quite bougie and aimed at adults, but saw one which looked hopeful. Had an A-frame sign outside with a plastic colourful beach windmill on it, and a rack of children's clothes. Went in and quickly realised it was again full of very valuable things. At one end was a basket of handmade crocheted teddies, handmaid kids clothing, and some wooden toys. The kids took a look at the teddies, picked one up each then sat in two kids chairs holding them on their laps for a few minutes while I had a quick look round the shelves around them. We had a look at a few other things together, for full disclosure: when we entered my 3yo picked up a very delicate cup which I quickly set down and reminded her not to do. As we were leaving my 6yo very gently pointed out a necklace to me on a very flimsy stand that started to tip over, which I caught before it fell and set upright again. They looked at a few other things without incident or touching.

We didn't spend long, said merci and went on our way. About 10 mins later a lady from the shop approached us in the street and informed me my kids had broken two toys in her shop. We went back with her and found out that the rabbit teddies they had been holding had some very thin toothpick-like sticks of wood in each ear (to shape them a bit) which had been broken by my daughters twisting the ears, pretending to give them a 'hair style'. I had no idea at all they had been broken. Obviously this is my responsibility and error of judgement, and was totally correct to be brought to my attention.

However, the lady also subjected me to a rant about how French children would NEVER pick things up in a shop, they are taught "limits", whereas all summer she has had English, German etc children visiting and breaking things and being given "no limits" by their parents. Complained we had left the place a mess and her husband had to tidy behind us, because the teddies were placed back in the basket but not sat upright as previously displayed (I had set the chairs back carefully but admittedly been distracted from checking the basket).

I pushed back (calmly!) on her generalised critique of my parenting, and she said she has just lost patience after a summer full of similar experiences and essentially admitted this lecture wasn't personal. Still, it was pretty heavy handed to give in public in front of my children and other customers.

To be clear I know I made an error. We had been in a few quite breakable shops already which required heavy parenting, and I guess I saw an opportunity for a quick relief for us all. Normally I would supervise my children looking at anything handmade, so it was a lax moment, but I did think they were just wool and stuffing and wouldn't suffer at all from light playing. Also, typically I wouldn't take my children into these kind of shops. They have never broken anything in a shop before!

I just wonder how humbled I should be. Did I just catch this lady on a really bad day? Was she a bit racist? Are french children really that obedient all the time? Should I strike it off as a bad day and move on without too much thought, or do I take the criticism on board more strongly and accept I should be stricter with things like this and re-evaluate my parenting?! Do we really have much lower standards in the UK?

It's a shame, we've had a lovely holiday but now I feel like we're not that welcome here and have been judged/looked down on in general. Do we really have a terrible reputation in France?

In answer to your question do the French dislike the English the answer for some French people is yes (ever visited Paris?!)
To the level that we explain in French we are from Scotland and do get a different response.

Flip side I have found many French people in a ski lift queue can be very rude!

Are French children better behaved - yes and no - they are disciplined stricter and know boundaries from a young age.

No.

You’re confusing race with nationality.

Crikey, I need to begin planning my retirement now before kids the same age as your dd reach secondary age!

Because children are generally more clumsy than adults? They drop things, squeeze things, snotter and sneeze on things, knock things over. Yes adults do too, but not as much.

Handling things is so disrespectful to the shop keeper, who is trying to scrape a living, and who may then have stock damaged by an over enthusiastic child.

That’s the one

When you said they each picked up a teddy, I presumed you meant to buy. They shouldn’t have been sitting playing with them if you weren’t planning to buy them. This is on you.

It sounds as if you caught the brunt of a long tourist season.

I have also found French people much more blunt than British, so that might have added to the shock of bring yelled at.

All v unfortunate. As it happens i wouldn’t have left a 3 yo playing with items we weren’t going to buy and I am often shocked by the way parents let children mess with stuff in shops.

You're an adult, though. When you pick things up, you know how to do so without damaging them. Children don't have that awareness.

I am floored that the OP let her kids play with toys in a shop and then didn't even buy them. Completely out of order.

This. I thought when you said they were holding the toys that they were the items you were buying. You don’t let your kids play with a stuffed animal that you’re not buying and then just put it back, wtf 🤣

From a French perspective (I am French) yes, English parenting is very bad.

I've posted this before on MN but I was at a bus stop where a child was repeatedly smashing his wooden truck onto the glass shelter. The young mother was completely oblivious and absorbed into her phone. When I asked him to stop as he may break the glass, the mother swung around and glared at me agressively. To let a child behave let that would never be permitted in France.

Kids running around the supermarket (Sainsburys), opening packets and eating stuff while their mother is uninterested and does nothing... I think we've all seen that one as well.

The correct thing the OP should have done is bought the toys before letting her kids sit there and play with them. I hope she had the decency to pay for the damage.

She’s correct about your kids- they shouldn’t touch, let alone hold/ play with toys they aren’t buying ( breaking them is the cherry on top).
we have relatives in France, married to French people and raising kids in your children’s age range and I agree, the boundaries are more and stricter in a good way.

Not to derail the thread, but I couldn’t disagree with you more.
If one doesn’t dare speak of observable patterns, the end result can be, for example, thousands of disbelieved groomed/trafficked children in places like Rochdale.

In my experience French kids have better manners than English kids in general.

Forcexampke using a knife and fork to eat chips - my kids always used their fingers.

Well, your children did damage the toys.

Yes every single French estate group we had at school shoplifted

A 3 year old shouldn't have the opportunity to pick up a very delicate cup in a shop.

I'm with the shopkeeper.

Years ago when my DC was a toddler, I read "French children don't throw food' by Pamela Druckerman. Interesting read but think French parents have clearer boundaries and expectations.

I wouldn't allow my DC to play with toys in a shop we have no intention of buying.

Exchange group even

She was correct. Children should be taught not to pick up and touch things in shops. Common sense (I thought!).

i would have been annoyed too if I was the shopkeeper.

But French kids aren’t angels either. I see loads of them in Edinburgh and they are right pains in the arse

I don’t think shopkeeper was prejudiced , I think it was more a cultural comment that parenting in France is stricter. She was having a bad day / summer of broken stuff by tourists affecting her business. don’t take it too personally. Even parenting in old day uk was stricter than it is now. That part of France may still be very traditional rather than the modern day “ let kids be kids”.

This. I was fully expecting the OP to say they were playing with them just before she bought them - can’t believe they were allowed to play with what sounds like ornamental decorations rather than durable kids toys, even the latter would have been bad if she knew this was what they were doing and let them. Pretty disrespectful to allow this if you never intended to buy them. Glad to hear she called you out

And my in laws used to host French exchange students (high school age). Their behavior was dreadful

I get that you shouldn’t play let kids play with toys in a shop and break them, but I’d be surprised that soft toys could be so easily broken? It would be my assumption that soft toys for young kids could be picked up in a shop to look at without damage being caused. Presumably they are for kids to play with once bought - why would you want to buy soft toys that are apparently so flimsy?