I am so frustrated - anyone want to join a "my 3 year old won't potty train" support group?

[Nettee]

DS is 3.3 now and I went cold turkey with the pants again yesterday. Tried a new method of stickers for every half hour with clean dry pants. DS sat willingly on the toilet for long periods saying that he needed to do a wee. I was also a bit harsher when he had accidents than I have been in the past - not cross just dissapointed. Accidents all day, nothing in the toilet. I thought I should keep going today and was all set with the pants this morning but DS said that he wanted to wear his nappy, that he can't wee in the toilet and that he was sad and wanted to go to bed so I caved in and he is back in his nappy. I think it is just going to be a waiting game and I am sure that one day he will train himself in no time as all but it is so frustrating and I suppose I am worried about what other people think. I am probably nagging him to much about it and thinking about it too much myself. I wonder if there is some great psychological reason why he doesn't want to do it or if I am not trying hard enough. Anyway really just wanted to let off steam and hear stories from people in the same situation. Any stories about 3 year olds suddenly cracking it are very welcome!

One of mine is seven and still a bit variable on the ol' loo front. We've survived. Thank god for pull ups.

I hope my experience will help someone rather than "rub it in" Just trained dd on GPs advice at 21mo (chronic nappy rash) I was happy to try it to help the rash but expected it to take forever as she is so young and wasn't showing any signs of being ready.

-bought potty and had it in living room for 2 days making no mention of it at all.
-No nappies in the house for a week, naked bottom half. Watched her like a hawk.
-whenever she started weeing I would exclaim "OOH wee wee" this would stop her enough to get her onto the potty to finish the wee. much praise ensued.
-In addition to this sat her on the potty making a pss pss noise 20 mins after every drink and whenever I was going to the loo.
-This soon started to catch a few wee's and started poos aswell, by putting her on at her usual poo time and telling her to "squeeze".

Spoke to HV and she said if you get to the no-accidents while naked stage you are half way there.

Decided after a week of this to hold my breath and lose the nappies all together. Put a folded towel on the carseat and pushchair and take lots of spare clothes with me. Now I've got used to her pattern and she goes on the potty after every meal/drink and if she hasn't asked to go within an hour of the last wee I take her.

We've now had only 2 accidents this week and I'm amazed. I think it helps that she is so young so hasn't got any hangups about toilets and can't argue!

Good luck everyone.

Just to add a msg of support
I gave up, we went back to nappies
Tried again two weeks later and we have not been back to nappies in the day
DS is still having some accidents but not too many
Doing it later meant we skipped the potty altogether

smallone - I hate to tell you this but it sounds like you have been trained

Of course, she is only 21 months! It does help that she will perform on request tho.

Hello new to mumsnet and was feeling desperate before with my 3.6 year old and his constant soiling of pants but have read this thread smiling with the recognition of so many of the same experiences. I've tried every method mentioned to no avail and have come to the conclusion he doesn't know it's happened until its happened. I know though as he runs crouching to the corner and tells me to go away if I come near and not to look at his bottom - tantrums if I don't comply. Health visitors have told me to wait for him to tell me although difficult when out and about and it smells like the local farmer's been laying manure on the fields. Stripping him down helps a bit if at home although last week I saw him producing the most enormous poo whilst I was at the top of the stairs and he at the bottom after which he screamed as he thought it was moving towards him. He looks so ashamed of himself afterwards which is heartbreaking. Anyway thank you for making me feel not so alone and I will follow the thread with interest to see if there are any breakthroughs or tips. Good luck everyone!

Hi PooBare!
My 3.2 year old is the same as yours, no apparent recognition of being about to do, or having done a wee or poo. So frustrating.

This morning he dragged out the potty and asked to wear pants. I'd love to be hopeful but we've been here before......

Watch this space (although it'll probably be messy!)

it was messy!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

and ds insists i stick him back in nappies.

double aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

My DD has just turned 3 and really has no interest in toilet training. Going bare bottomed she will hold all in for hours on end - put some pants on and she will wee everywhere with no mention of needing to beforehand.
Two weeks ago while out for lunch, we visited the ladies and having just watched me use the loo, she asked if she could sit on the toilet too. Cue much whooping and delight from me - at last some progress! Unfortunately since then her interest has waned again.
I know deep down that she WILL do it when she's good and ready and that time's probably not far away. However i feel increasingly frustrated and tbh a bit of a failure that i haven't managed to crack this yet. I do realise that a lot of this is a peer pressure thing on my part - most of the other children at her pre-school are dry and i feel it even more when i hear stories from DS's peers mums (he's just turned 2) of their toilet training successes.
But its something i cant force her into is it? So in the meantime i'll just keep offering the toilet and hoping that eventually she'll have her "lightbulb" moment

Hang on in there Aphrodite although not to the pants maybe. Had to chuck a pair straight in the bin triple bagged as they were beyond redemption last night after showering him down as wipes were not sufficient for the job. I'm using pull ups at night and call them night pants but am trying my best not to use them in the day but hope I can keep my resolve. Must be very hard for you if he keeps demanding to be put back in nappies especially if he wanted to wear pants before. Suppose we just have to try to keep a sense of humour about it by sharing horror stories and wait for the breakthrough.

This thread makes me feel better. DS4 will be 4 in January and still not clean. Says he has to poo in pants . Does it for anybody and everybody! Even his nursery manager was thinking about how to solve the problem during the half term!

I have no answers or advice only sympathy and keeping my fingers crossed that I can stop DS4 pooing in his pants by the time he starts school next September

I have a friend whose DD was 4 in September and still not potty trained. Her GP told that they all get there in the end. We give each other moral support.

You would think that after 4 DC I would have some answers.

We may have had a small breakthrough!
Over the last couple of days DS has started retreating to the same corner, and making some pretty obvious grunting noises, when he's having a poo. Never done this before, so maybe its the start of signs of being ready soon.
Fingers, not legs, crossed!

I am having a problem with my 3.4 year old, trouble is I want him to start Playgroup, and all my local ones will only except him dry!!! I cant afford a Nursery place.
We have tried everything, he is my 4th baby, and the others were soooo easy to train. We have just taken the potty away.
My little boy was starting to hold his No2's, and my GP thinks it was because of the pressure from potty training, sure enough, as soon as the potty went, he started functioning again.
Nicky

countingto10 - does he do wees in the potty though? i think it's common for some children to feel uneasy about poos.

I often let Tom run around bare bottom for an hour or so in the mornings. I leave the potty out, but he won't sit on it. He was pooing a few weeks ago and I tried sitting him on it. I did make a point in putting the poo in the potty and then taking it to the loo so he could flush it away. In fact, when he poos in his nappy, I now take the whole lot into the bathroom and plop the poo into the toilet. I also let him see me use the loo. Apart from that, we haven't even started. He is 2.7. I know his friends are in the process. I don't think any of them are dry yet. We're going to have to start in the new year and need to think of something that will be consistent with him being at the PIL. We have also let him play with training pants on.

Hi all,
Back again, feels like Groundhog Day in our household.
Have set aside this weekend to see if DS (3.2) can actually crack this potty business.
Despite concerted efforts by DH, myself and his creche key-workers, using every form of bribery, coercion, cajoling, peer-pressure etc he is still resistant.
He's quite advanced in lots of other ways and we've come to the conclusion that he knows all the theory but doesn't want to move onto the practical. He has a will of iron, too!
Anyway, we're going to give it another try - my friend gave me a bike today which we have promised him IF he can use the potty properly.
So we'll see.... at the moment he's flouncing around in a pair of sodden pants without a care in the world. Oh the joys!

Another frustrated mother here. DS 3.5, many aborted attempts. Pediatrician says we have drop it for a few months as it is a control issue but I onhly have till next sept to crack it as he starts school then, ARGHHHHHHHH. He is UTTERLY unbribale and just seems scared,.

I use the same method as smallone and of my 4 children all have been day time trained before their second birthdays.

I think the key is staying home half naked (the child, not you) and managing to catch one or two pees. I found that once we caught the first one or two, the rest followed easily. I suspect it's because being so young they were still keen to please, whereas children over two have developed more of their own opinions over what is going to happen and what isn't.

Hi VV and Geepers,
We have kind of reached an impasse whereas he now utterly REFUSES to wear nappies, insisting on pants, however seems to be no further along with actually using the potty.
I sent him to creche as usual this morning with a big pile of changes of clothes and the promise of a large box of chocolates to the staff at the end of the week.
Thankfully they were very understanding and said they would change his clothes 20 times a day if thats what it took. They also all reassured me that abolishing nappies altogether was the way forward. Amazingly there was only one accident (followed by another 2 at home )
~Lets see......

Hi Could I please join you guys on this thread as i'm in need of some support. ds isn't quite 3 yet, but we're potty training and i'm getting more disheartened every day.
He is ready, he totally knows what he should be doing, has no probs if potty is downstairs and he has no clothes on bottom half. Put pants on and everything goes wrong. how do you stay patient and not get angry....struggling a bit....don't want to be a bad mummy......i'm going to read back on the thread now.

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
It's been four days now and we've ONE, just bloody one, wee in the potty.
But he utterly refuses to wear nappies so I can't really go back now.
What the hell do I do? My carpets and washing machine can't take much more of this. How much longer should I persevere?
Help!!!!!!

AIHN - have they had much success in the creche ? My DS4 (who's 4 in January) was potty trained 10 months ago but only for wees (still pooing in pants etc) but he certainly wasn't that reliable for wees until he was 3.5 IYSWIM.

Feeling for you - still tearing my hair out.

Think we may possibly be turning a corner....
Had two successive wees in the potty this afternoon, DS was incredibly proud of himself and was rewarded with much praise and a mini-egg!
The third wee was not so successful, however, unlike his usual habit of denying he'd done anything and languishing in sodden pants, this time he whipped of his pants and rushed over to sit on the potty. So he got lots of praise for 'trying', too.
I'm still not holding my breath but its an advance over the last four days.
Think there may be a little poo-shyness. Caught him grunting under the table and quickly whipped him over to the potty, although, unfortunately the game was over by then, and DS was protesting slightly "No, mummy, only wees in the potty". So, I emptied the contents of his pants into the potty to show him where poos go and then let him march out to the bathroom, empty the potty into the loo ad press the flush - a ritual he seems to enjoy.
Still a long way to go, I know, but its a definite improvement. Back to creche tomorrow morning with at least a small victory to announce.
Thanks to everyone for your support in this.

Hi Aphrodite,

Congratulations on some success - you have to take heart from it. My one managed to hold on to his poo for the whole 36 hours we spent at a friend's house at the weekend only to empty his bowels under a restaurant table in a very quiet gentile Wiltshire gastropub followed by howls of protests when I attempted to take him to the toilet before people started heaving over their Sunday lunches. At least he can manage some hold over it I guess - he must have been determined not to let go at the friend's house.

Hi there. We've just ditched the nappies this weekend for dd (3.4). I have tried before with horrible consequences and given up - this time we really mean business. She will sit on the potty for CM but after the first day she totally refuses at home despite stars, chocolate and sundry other incentives. It's just constant weeing for hours after holding on for hours.

She's back with CM today and I can only hope CM is having better luck. She is not confused. She knows exactly what we are asking her to do. She is 'scared' of going in the potty and the more she needs to go the less she will sit on it.

One of my PT manuals tells you to 'pop your dc on the potty' [hmm) Works with teddy or bunny but how exactly do you do that whith a physically resisting dc?

What a nightmare.

Still going well.
Had a small accident at creche but two big wees in the potty at home. So we're up on the positives! ~Yay!!
By the way, DS loves these videos:
Potty Power: Big Kids
Potty Power: No More Diapers
Potty Power: Proud to Wear My Underwear

Bit cheesy for my taste, but I'm not 3. He especially loves the No More Diapers song, but try and replace the word with 'Nappies' and he gets a right cob-on. Still, if it ain't broke.....

Hope everyone else is having some more luck too - sending you good vibes ....