I am so frustrated - anyone want to join a "my 3 year old won't potty train" support group?

[Nettee]

DS is 3.3 now and I went cold turkey with the pants again yesterday. Tried a new method of stickers for every half hour with clean dry pants. DS sat willingly on the toilet for long periods saying that he needed to do a wee. I was also a bit harsher when he had accidents than I have been in the past - not cross just dissapointed. Accidents all day, nothing in the toilet. I thought I should keep going today and was all set with the pants this morning but DS said that he wanted to wear his nappy, that he can't wee in the toilet and that he was sad and wanted to go to bed so I caved in and he is back in his nappy. I think it is just going to be a waiting game and I am sure that one day he will train himself in no time as all but it is so frustrating and I suppose I am worried about what other people think. I am probably nagging him to much about it and thinking about it too much myself. I wonder if there is some great psychological reason why he doesn't want to do it or if I am not trying hard enough. Anyway really just wanted to let off steam and hear stories from people in the same situation. Any stories about 3 year olds suddenly cracking it are very welcome!

Psychobabble, are they OFSTED registered? As I think that if they are this against OFSTED rules due to discrimination.

How old is he? TBH I cant remember much before the age of 4 or so.

Psycobabble it is against the Ofsted rules but I know what it is like when they say that - i feel in a weak postition to argue with them and i wouldn't want DS to feel embarrassed (not that he does remotely). Anyway September is a long way off but if he doesn't train by then you could just not send him yet..... or send him somewhere else that would take him in nappies. I wanted to send my DS to two preschools but one of them won't have him for this reason and he is settling so well in the other that I am beginning to think I won't bother with the first one. In nearly a whole school year DS has never done a poo in his nappy at school (touch wood) and so it just isn't an issue as he is only there for 2 1/2 hours at a time.

hello just a thought but are you all dragging your little ones into the loo with you every time you do a wee? The biggest incentive will be them wanting to copy you, if I want my dd to do a wee on the loo I just have to tell her that I am just about to go and do one and she rushes to get there first! Also bribary works wonders, my dd will do anything for some chocolate buttons - this really is the time for it! Good luck XxX

Ooh...can I join in...?!

Really frustrated as it's my gut feeling that DS1 (not quite 3) is just not ready to potty train, but I'm really bemused by the fact that he seems to be dry for his childminder, to whom he goes for only one day per week.

I was a bit and a bit that she has taken it upon herself to effectively potty train him and even more irritated that he seems completely unable to do the same for me at home.

CM has basically taken the Pavlov's Dog approach to potty training and takes her three toddler charges on mammoth toilet runs every 1.5-2 hours. DS is able to go to her and come home in the same dry nappy. (Interestingly he has been fairly unhappy (less talkative, difficult to leave, etc) going to the CM in recent weeks...)

However, my attempts to potty train him at home - admittedly relatively half-hearted on my part though they are - have been total disasters. I feel he is not yet ready - seems to have no idea when he is going/in need of going/has gone/is smelling like an old drain/is so wet he's leaking everywhere/etc. However feel stupid saying this to CM who is telling me to send him in pants !

Grateful for the posts on here that reassure me that he will suddenly just decide for himself and it will perhaps be a relative breeze. Was all prepared to go in for the kill - pants cold turkey style! - while CM is away for the next three weeks but now I'm thinking I might just wait til he gives me the go ahead.

Is it confusing for him to encourage him to sit on the loo before bathtime, for example or at any other time...?

Are you sure his playgroup won't get too arsey with me if he's still not dry/clean by September?! They don't mind changing him at the mo, but not sure they'll be so understanding if the summer break has not yielded any change...

Seeker - what wonderful advice, thank you! Your book would definitely sell. Thank you too Nettee, will try the bare bottom approach when I try again which I don't think will be for a while, we both need to de-stress first!

Sorry if I sound dense - I'm new to this game - what's DD, DS, DS1, etc?

Seeker/anyone - I know this is in a different section but any advice re. a 9 month old who is still waking in the night?!

Thanks again all, it's good to know I'm not going completely crazy - well, not today anyway!

Psychobabble - ah yes, completely obvious of course, silly me! Thank you. Oh, well, at least it's not just my DD who doesn't do sleep! Thanks again.

My DD is 3yrs 3 weeks is refusing to potty train and is getting really upset whenever I put her in pants and has she an accident. Trying not to push her but starting to feel that parents in law think I am doing things wrong and they suggested stopping nappies altogether and putting her in pants and putting up with the accidents. Starting to feel like a rubbish mum now and DD is starting school in september and will have to be trained.

me me me, I need to join!!

I have DTs aged 3.7 DT2 was trained before he was 3. DT1 however refuses. He says he doesnt want to be a big boy, kicks and screams if you put him on the toilet and despite about 5 attempts at potty training, is still in nappies. He is quite a big kid too so it feels really embarassing even though I know I shouldnt feel like this, the peer pressure is awful.

I have no idea where to go from where we are, he is just not interested, infact he is actively against going to the toilet.......

Hi there - great to have some new members! My DS has regressed again from the whole exciting weeing the the garden stage to being fully back in nappies. He did however do a poo on the Potty on Sunday night which was a very exciting development.

Joy don't let anyone make you feel like you are a rubbish mum - when DD is ready it will be easy (at least this is what I am hoping) I expect the in laws didn't have the same struggle you are having so can't understand how it can be so difficult.

Harrogatemum - I think we have chatted about the big boy thing before - do you have any younger dc? DS is being maybe a little more receptive to the idea of wees on the potty if I sit DD (9 months) on another potty at the same time - maybe takes away the whole big boy issue. Obviously not a miracle solution seeing as we are still in nappies though.

Yes - pleeease can I join the club. My DD is 3.3 and knows when she is going to do a poo or wee but won't do either on the potty..

I tried her in pants for 3 days in april and she only did one wee on the potty in all that time..we had to give up and go back to nappies.

Now I'm wondering whether to try her in pants again but am fearing that we will have no more success.

I have had comments from others like "my daughters were out of nappies at 18 mths" and it makes me feel as though I must have done something wrong parentingwise that neither of my children have been out of nappies before 3. When my daughter was about 2 and potty training didn't work people said leave it she'll do it when she's ready...now she is over 3 it feels as though we've missed the boat..at the moment it feels as though my DD will never use a loo!

The only advice I can give is see if your nursery can help to encourage your DS to use the loo...maybe he would respond more to incentives away from the home environment.

I have just started to try and get DD interested now with reward chart and she did actually sit on the potty 4 times today never did anything but fact she sat on it feels abit more like we may be heading in the right direction.

I also spoke to the Health Visitor and Nursery and they all say not to rush her and she will get there when she is ready but it doesn't help when it feels like everyone elses children are potty trained by now and my DD isn't. Will have to hope that the stickers which she likes will do the trick and bribery of little present when she actually does something on potty.

Has anyone tried the towelling training pants you can buy as friend has suggested they may work?

this morning I wrapped up loads of little treats - chocs, little cars, wind up bath toys, pencils etc and have put them in a glass bowl in the bathroom. I have told DT1 that if he does a wee or a poo in the toilet he gets to open a present.

He still chose to wear a nappy this morning..............aaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh when is it going to end! He is 3 years 7 months~!

Ds is almost 3 and trained.......when naked but put pants on and he just wees!

dd3 suddenly cracked it at 3.3, one week she was just OK and accident free, after being totally useless til then. my other two dds were far younger - one was half dd3's age when she got it.

It was frustrating but you have to ignore other people. I know it wasn't anything we were doing wrong as my other two had been totally different. dd3 just wasn't ready, and then at 3.3 she was.

Yes, can I join too please - katebee, my DS sounds like your DD. He's 3.4 and knows when he's going to do either, but refuses to do it in anything but a nappy. I've got him wearing nappies all the time again now, but I tried for a while letting him wear pants, which he was happy to do, but he would ask for a nappy to poo or wee in. The times I tried refusing one and telling him to use the potty or toilet, he just held it in - for eight hours(wee too, not just poo) - at least I know he's got great bladder control! There just doesn't seem to be anything I can do to sort this out - nothing I've offered him as a reward makes any difference, he goes to nursery now and doesn't care that no one else in his group wears nappies, and he wears reusables, and although he says they're too heavy, he doesn't care enough about that to use the potty or toilet instead so he can go back to wearing pants. Help!!!!

purplerabbit - sounds just like my DT1 - only he is 3 months older than yours!!

A friend of mine employed the services of a behaviour type person who devised a well positive programme where they rewarded instantly when the potty/toilet was used, took a while to find the right reward but once it in place the programme worked like clockwork, my other friend used to visit the potty with her youngest following every meal and then they would sit and read or sing etc, making it more enjoyable than purely 'going to do wee in a place I dont wanna do one' Every child is different and you know your kids best so if they not ready then time is the best treatment, wait till the little one ready

Long post but it has been a long process- ds1 announced he wanted pants over a year ago. He hasn't wanted a nappy since. It is only in the last few months that he's seemed to know that he's about to poo or wee...with the inevitable consequences. He definitely took a step back after ds2 got old enough to nick his toys and I went back to work. He's slowly starting to "get it" now. At times I thought he'd never get there but he's making gradual progress and is very pleased with himself.
We've given him rewards to try and keep things positive (not easy when you remove the 3rd poo of the day from his pants) - we are now on a book for a clean and dry day having started with a book for any poo in the toilet (that was an issue in itself...) he now has: 33 Little Miss books and 50 Thomas Train books and is working his way through the Mr Men...so it has been good for his reading anyway!

Glen32 - thanks for the suggestions, how old with the child when they got a professional in?

I am all for rewarding wees and poos in the potty but if you have had 5 in the entirety of dc's life it doesn't really help. DS is all for stories on the potty or loo but I have stopped doing that now as I feel he is being rewarded for not weeing or pooing on the loo.

during his weeing in the garden phase he could wee within 2 min if he needed to go so I am not going for prolonged sitting any more.

We have got a max ball this week which DS thinks is very funny and likes to flush and says that he will wee on but hasn't yet!

mybabywakesupsinging - my goodness you have had a long haul - how old is your DS?

hi Nettee, My friend employed the services of little issues when her DD was 3 as she was slow compared to her simbling, the programme worked well. With her daughter itwas all about the security of the nappy for pees and poo's. The programme was devised and worked well. she was completely dry within about a month i believe, and night time dryness just happened very soon after it, they replaces the security with other stuff to help the child feel secure without the nappy on. Im all for anything that works. Have you had a look on little issues, they might be able to give you some advice

ho much attention does the DD get when she poos or pees in the nappy? Is it possible that she craves this attention, give less verbal attention when changing nappy etc and more for positive behaviours. Childrem learn through copy/ mimic so may be an idea to take DD with you when you visit the toilet, gentle encouragement, then start rewarding for small steps like getting the potty, sitting on the potty with clothes on, sitting on the potty with only the nappy on, sitting on the potty with no nappy on etc praising and rewarding at every step along the way then it wil fall into place