I am so frustrated - anyone want to join a "my 3 year old won't potty train" support group?

[Nettee]

DS is 3.3 now and I went cold turkey with the pants again yesterday. Tried a new method of stickers for every half hour with clean dry pants. DS sat willingly on the toilet for long periods saying that he needed to do a wee. I was also a bit harsher when he had accidents than I have been in the past - not cross just dissapointed. Accidents all day, nothing in the toilet. I thought I should keep going today and was all set with the pants this morning but DS said that he wanted to wear his nappy, that he can't wee in the toilet and that he was sad and wanted to go to bed so I caved in and he is back in his nappy. I think it is just going to be a waiting game and I am sure that one day he will train himself in no time as all but it is so frustrating and I suppose I am worried about what other people think. I am probably nagging him to much about it and thinking about it too much myself. I wonder if there is some great psychological reason why he doesn't want to do it or if I am not trying hard enough. Anyway really just wanted to let off steam and hear stories from people in the same situation. Any stories about 3 year olds suddenly cracking it are very welcome!

Hello - I too have a ds who is completely trained when naked. But stick clothes on him and he lasts for seconds, it's almost like a cue (sp?) to wee! He's 3.2, and is obviously ready and able but not willing!

When we're at home he is naked for 95% of the time, never has accidents and even takes himself to the loo. He won't use a potty as he says they are for babies - what's weeing in his pants then?

I've got the towelling training pants that someone mentioned - I wouldn't bother they just hold a bit of the wee in but I find I still have to change pants and trousers.

hi nette, stickers only work if the want for the sticker id great enough, the incentive has to be summat they want so much that they will perform the behaviour and you need to ge the intervals right, e.g. if they go 20 minutes dry then the interval is 50% so reward after 10 minutes, and be very consistent even when its earing you out and your tired and Dd is whingy and you are stressed and there are a million and one other jobs needing done,the reward must be there, once the reward works you can then look at ways of changing the time etc. the other option is start with two pots, one with dolly sticks (or summat the DD is interested in in and the other pot empty, put 20 dolly pegs in and for every time they wee get DD to transfer 1 dolly stick , at the end of the stipulated period as long as there are more dolly sticks in the origonal pot then the incentive is achieved, sounds very complicated but trust me its very effective. Have you done any motivational assessments on the subject, This will help you understand the motivation behind weeing anywhere other than the nappy. once you know why the behaviour is happening etc we can put a programme in place to stop it. Its important to get the little things right then the bigger picture will just fall into place. If i can be of any more help then let me know

nettee he is 3.4 now

I decided to go cold turkey last thurs with DD who is 3.1 after puting her in knickers in morning then wanted to keep them on when we were going to story time. Was worried she would have an accident but stayed dry for 4 hours then decided to tell me wanted a wee and with a little push did sit on potty for a wee. Since then she has had 2 accidents on friday then been dry since then. I started off using reward chart for first few days and bribing her with little chocolate sweet everytime she went for wee but today not had to do this at all and used the potty even when I have not been in the room.

Am absolutely amazed as really thought she would be a nightmare. It just shows it is best to wait till they are definately ready as DD had just started to tell me when she was ready. Is now doing all in potty and we even went out for the day yesterday (with potty) and she had no accidents just had to go in the middle of the street for a wee but I did't mind that at all as long as she did it. Just got to hope she keeps it up.

oh how exciting a graduate! well done Joy30 and your DD.

Thank God I have found this thread. DH and I lurch between being relaxed, gentle coaching and thunderous banging of heads against the wall with our DS, 3.6.

The things that bother us are;

a) he is tall and big for his age so we are literally squeezing him into size 6 nappies - and they aren't gonna fit much longer.
b) he is so bright/eloquent/mature about most things, but he plain refuses to even try with the toilet. We can't even get close enough to figure out what's going on in his head cos he gets so stroppy. He won't let us help him, and that makes me feel sad

To top it all, the youngest in his group of friends has recently left nappies behind, and you can just see the joy brimming out of him.

Harumph!

Hello MagicGenie - welcome aboard.

I know what you mean about swinging between approaches, nagging, ignoring the issue, boot camp, stories on the toilet, head banging - been there are and done all those things. My new plan is to have him naked all through the pre-school holidays and see what happens. see how long I last on that though.....

Yes my ds just says that he doesn't want to use the toilet and there is no reasoning with him. (He is still in size 5 nappies though so that is something to be grateful for)

At least we have MN and know we are not alone.

I know, thanks Nettee [welling up emoticon!]

My rational mind knows he'll do it when he's ready etc. But then I have to change him while we're out, struggling around on a filthy public toilet floor heaving on his pull-up, and I just can't help thinking it's the one thing he's letting himself down on

Hi, I would like to join this thread too.. like HarrogateMum I also have DTs. Mine are 3yrs 5mths. DT2 was potty trained in a weekend in Jan of this year by my mother-in-law, however still trying on and off with DT1.

Since Monday DT1 has said that he wants to wear Big Boy pants and I have let him. I have been putting him on Potty every hour but he keeps saying that he doesn't want a wee, or that it is stuck! But no sooner have I taken him off the potty then he shouts to me that he is weeing. Not sure what I should do next. What makes it more difficult is that DT1 was diagnosed as having Cerebral Palsy just after his first birthday, and so I don't know whether this has something to do with it or not! Any ideas anyone?

Progress report: We said a ceremonial goodbye to the day time nappy after the last day of preschool - Thursday - and have had mixed results ever since. DS (now 3.5) will not have accidents if bare bottomed but completely forgets if he is wearing pants (which he quite wants to do). He is very good at going in the garden when he needs to. I spent 1 1/4 hours in the bathroom this morning coaxing/bullying/pleading with him to go in the toilet and just when I was about to give up he said he wanted to do it in his green potty which was downstairs so we found it and he weed on it straight way. cue much whooping and phone calls to the grandparents. He says that he is not good at the toilet and that it is a bit sad but he was very pleased with himself when he went in the potty. Since then we have had another accident and I think we are due another wee soon so will have to see what happens. Unfortunatley we are off out to a BBQ this afternoon and I think we are going to chicken out and put a nappy on which probably won't help the cause. Anyway I am feeling much more positive that we will get there before September which is nice.

How are you getting on cdtwins? have you found out about the effect of the Cerebral Palsy on potty training? Anyone else with any news?

Since last post we've been on holiday. DS loved digging a hole on the beach and weeing into it (not too grim as beaches were pretty people free). Has a very tanned bottom and is still dry at home (naked) but still hasn't twigged about not weeing in clothes.

Nursery have asked us to bring in pants next week - am will to try it but don't hold out much hope. Maybe he'll suprise me

The chocolate button treat really worked for us. Every time DS3 went to the toilet (he kinda skipped the potty thing) he recieved a chocolate button. He soon realised that wees = chocolate and within the week he was trained. After a week or 2, when I knew he'd finally got it, I would only give a button if he remembered about them, and slowly it died down.

Well after a lovely weekend off we are back to it - probaby gone backwards since my last post to be honest. DS is fine about not having accidents in the house but won't go in the potty or toilet. We had two potty hits last Sunday (over a week ago now) and that is it. I keep thinking that I am not trying hard enough. Also various visits and days out has meant nappies back on a few times which can't be helping. My cousin's 2.2 year old dd (where we went for the weekend) was doing brilliantly at it - I can't believe the age range for readyness. I think a major difference though was that it was her idea to try and she was motivated.

Loler - I would be interested to hear how your ds gets on with pants at nursery. I have a theory that dc are better in a stranger environment but am not brave enough to put it to the test!

Yes Squirdle I think I am going to have to up the bribary stakes this week. He must want something enough to make him use the toilet.

Hooray!!!!! a wee on the potty in no time at all - my idea to sit but he just did it - progress at last?????

Hi Nettee. No luck so far with dts1. Had to revert back to nappies, was making to much of a mess. Have had no response from other parents of CP children, however have spoken to the Disabled Childrens Support Services at Social Services and they are going to see if they can supply a custom fit potty chair. It might make the whole experience a bit easier for him. fingers crossed!!

Hi everyone My DD 3 in Nov ..need her to be toilet trained for Pre School in Sept ..she constsntly has accidents ..however has almost mastered wee wee in toilet but poos twice a day in her panties and I am becoming increasingly frustrsted as it is 2 mnths now and she wont take any guidance from me and is not improving.I would put her back into nappies apart from the fact I need her toilet trained for Pre school and I feel it would be regression to go back now afetr 2 mnths of torture ?? Can anyone help me PLEASE....as I am losing patience .and am exhausted at the continual changing and moping!!

Hi - milltown, if you read further down the thread it says something about preschools not being able to exclude children who are not potty trained. I think it has something to do with SNs? Probably not much help.

Nettee - I chickened out of pants at nursery but he came home with an 'I used a potty' sticker. He said he did a poo on the toilet. He goes again tomorrow so maybe I'll be brave?

Hi Nettee - I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread, but I would recommend reading potty books for children to your ds. I read several different ones about children learning to use the potty "Big Boys use the Potty", "The Potty Pop-Up Book" and others to ds when he was potty training (while he was on the toilet, at bedtime, naptime, storytime). It actually made him much more enthusiastic - he still had the odd accident, of course. He was about the same age as your ds and he is now only 3 months older and has mastered daytime dryness.

Nighttime is going to take a lot longer from the looks of things! Good luck!

thank you for starting this thread... makes me feel so much better than my almost 3yr old DS is still in nappies... of late i've been made to feel like inadequate mother because of it !

yay!!!! two wees and a poo in the toilet this afternoon - DS took himself off to do the poo of his own initiative. Complete refusal to wee in the potty or the toilet this morning - ups and downs here but I hope we have turned a corner.

mankymummy - people are horrible - I am sure it has so much more to do with the child's readyness than the abilities of the parents.

bluebutterfly, thanks for the advice - glad to hear it is going better for you

Loler - well done your DS - that is brilliant - hope he does the same when wearing pants

milltown - don't know what to suggest except to say that it seems to be a common theme on here to take longer with poos. would she do them in a nappy that she had on just for the event? might take the pressure off for a bit.

cdtwins - good luck with the potty chair.

I know it's early days but I have a feeling that I may be able to graduate from this thread in the very near future! As of Saturday ds1 has been nappy free and accident free even with clothes on!

My method? a piece of paper stuck on the fridge - everytime he performs he gets a smiley face drawn on! If he gets lots of smiley faces he gets a suprise (yet to be decided!).

Has been so easy, we've even been to town today and he had to wait for half an hour to go. So glad I left it to ds to decide he was ready. Good luck to everyone else, hope they click too.

Also hope I'm not back here tomorrow saying it's all over - first day at nursery in pants, not sure how many pairs to send......

Help Help Help! DD has just turned 4 and still having 3-5 accidents a day. If she doesnt have anything on then she is fine, but if she is wearing pants then she just doesnt go. she tried to hold on and ends up leaking and having a damp patch on trousers.

She is not at all bothered about being wet and if I don't catch her accidents quickly then she gets dreadful nappy rash.

I have tried asking her about it but I really cant get a straight answer. I have had her tested for infections and she is all clear.

Nobody I know has this issue and I just dont know what to do. School is looming and I cant bear the thought of her being teased.

From my experience of school I she propably wouldn't get teased, their were lots of leaks when my dd was in reception.

Also I found that school really made dd grow up - she learnt to dress herself in the first week when I'd been trying to teach her for the whole of the previous year. I bet when she goes to school she'll suddenly stop having accidents. Fingers crossed for you!

Ds1 had 1 accident at nursery so I'm quite impressed with that as I don't think they are really set up to potty train in the big kids room. He did a poo in his nappy at breakfast so got a sad face on the chart - will have to remember to whip his nappy off the moment he wakes up. Think if he's got one on he thinks it's quite ok to use it!

Have you tried potty training in restaurants? It's all the rage nowadays.